Reviews for Hakumei
Univers One chapter 5 . 13h
I loved the way you put the lullaby when they met Tsunade, thanks for this story !
Kitsune Sennin113 chapter 1 . 12/3
update plz
Maya Blue chapter 1 . 11/22
I was looking for fanfics on TV tropes, when I first stumbled on Hakumei. The idea was rather intriguing. And the best thing about it that it is within the realm of possibilities..and more.

I especially LOVE the picture. The story plot is just...WOW! I especially love the makes involving ninja puffs. They always gets me rolling on the floor. I also love their uniforms, they look like a true team ready to kick ass. The characterization is on the spot. I also like that you gave Kimimaro (not sure if it's correct) an extra quirk. It totally suits him. Oh and Neji kicking people in his sleep.

If you ever decide to publish, let me know. Because I'll totally buy your book. Please update the sequel!
It's a personal belief that if two great authors meet each other, they will write even more amazing fanfic. And I'm talking about Afalstein. After all both of you are recommended on Tv tropes. The best of the best of fanfic writers.
RG chapter 3 . 10/23
naruto and twilight fan33 chapter 33 . 10/12
Continue it's really good and funny
Sebine chapter 1 . 10/4
sleep well sweet prince
dead fics make me sad
Guest chapter 28 . 9/30
YES! Finally a fic where Orochimaru is good!
Guest chapter 21 . 9/30
Help Aniki run for his sanity...

That was hilarious!
Red Strings Of Lies chapter 1 . 9/16
I really have to wonder how the Author keep tracked of all these battles!
Ulsindhe chapter 8 . 8/6
Reading this now on 2017, I keep having to remind myself when this was written when something doesn't add up. AU is great and all, but it can be so jarring to not see any references to Jiraiya being a spymaster... Or maybe that's just fanon talking? If that's the case, just ignore me.

Aside from that, there's this issue about the writing itself. There's a lot of spelling and grammatical errors that get a bit distracting (e.g. Byakugen instead of Byakugan, lack of question marks, etc.). I hope it gets better as the chapters go on, but if it doesn't, these could use a lot of editing. I don't know if you're a native English speaker or not or have dyslexia or something, but this might be something you'd want to look into. Or get a beta to help with the editing.

Despite all of that, I admire you for the world you're trying to build. Think of it, super evil Konoha. It's hooked me in and I'm super excited to find out how they're going to usurp Danzou! I'm also all in for trying to stay away from unbelievably OP characters (even though they're sometimes really fun to read about).

So yeah, all in all, writing could use some more work, but this has been an interesting read so far.
Rishi2001 chapter 28 . 7/30
so messed up chap.
Rishi2001 chapter 27 . 7/29
This chap..arrgh 8 gates ? for baki? are you kidding me we saw even 5 gates can nearly defeat gaara so why ...he even dealt with kisame with those and you made gai to open all gates battling baki? the one who is not even strong as gaara..Fuck you
RG chapter 2 . 7/26
So many spelling mistakes...
Rishi2001 chapter 6 . 7/23
Hi is this story complete? i just dont wanna jump at last and see but i dont see anyone saying things like "update,Update please, etcso ill keep goig and start is as i said a bit kiddy ...but ok
Rishi2001 chapter 1 . 7/23
oo yea and i checked cuz the start ...i mean the very start ...(.i mean not story but The writter part bout how this fic is...) i quite didnt like the pairing , i before prefered naruhina only but after some time ..after reading many sucking naruhina fic i hate it expect for some cool naruto where hina is also type of cool...but now im diving in and will keep reviewing after each chapter
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