|Reviews for Hakumei|
| storyseeker7 chapter 15 . 7/23
| Amanthya chapter 33 . 7/20
I can't believe, for all the times I've re-read this, that I never caught the puppet-mistress-Sakura hint. I've usually not a fan of that fighting style, but usually it's because I see Sakura still being in Konoha but learning that art for no apparent reason. So while it's unusual to see it done well, you've set up the circumstances rather well in this fic and have not deprived Sakura of her canon gifts. And it would certainly give her long-range attacks. I'll withhold judgement.
| Guest chapter 8 . 7/19
It's a really good story, it just pains me to see that really good fanfics don't have proper back story for everything is God tree/juubi/SO6P n all that, for instance if this story was written later it would have been known that sasuke and naruto are asura and indras reincarnations so they could have somehow ended up with their cells IE blood mixing and they both end up with the rinnegan, maybe only in one eye each so then the eventual battle against pein could be won by sasuke and naruto fighting together to defeat him and then the same with kayuga and madra etc. It's not the authors fault that this happenes it's just annoying though, I almost wish that manga writers would set out the backstory at the start of the manga but then again I guess that would ruin any supprises that occur and plot points, but still idgaf and I'm ranting so there, fuck u the Japanese guy who writes naruto/boruto oh and also fuck Akira toriama for making Gohan a nerdy bitch
| Ashanti cole chapter 14 . 7/16
Dude its so obvi that shino knows who naruto is and its like not even funny. I wonder how naruto didn't catch on.
| Phunbaba chapter 1 . 7/12
Well just finished the first chapter and find my suspension of disbelief stretched. Was the third planning to die? Why did he have he was carrying around scrolls of advanced bayakugan techniques from what I understood among other things. I don't think he'd normally carry stuff like that around. If only because of the stink it could raise with the clans. If he was planning to die I guess that would be why he them and with that Crystal Ball of his he could see the kids there and maybe cast a genjutsu on What'shisname so that he didn't but still... It would be nice if that were made clear. Never mind that his "alone" should of included an Anbu guard, even if it was completely or partially infiltrated by Root, and a place civilians couldn't just wander into. Though once again the Homage could of chosen the sport at the last second after scrying his ball. But it would of been nice to have that viewpoint so that the entire thing was more believable along with some sort of reasoning on why he'd just roll over and die instead of fighting. Like figuring it's better than a civil war.
The premise is fine it's the execution that bothers me.
| Amanthya chapter 12 . 7/7
It didn't really strike me before, but it's totally ironic that Haku is the one who met someone in the forest, instead of being the one met, but he still passed on his wisdom. Nice job on that semi-reversal, there.
| Anahita Unduli II chapter 31 . 7/1
really enjoying this as i've read on, been so happy to have itachi show up and take on yumi in previous chapters, as well as getting some awesome fights with the sound five vs. kimimaro. even recommended it to my friend, which is usually happening the other way around.
of course, there is one line that concerns me, and it has to do with Zabuza saying "Oh! Me too, me too!" I don't know why, but it seems awkard for him to say while knowing his voice a bit and how he has previously been worded so far in conversation. not a major point, but it did bother me and i thought i would let you know.
thank you for including shino as well, his choice for what side he was on drove me nuts; with how you wrote his character (so in character, it's incredible!) so getting to find out was like totally a great point for me to read! i do like the idea of you having an AU series about kisame, haku and the sword. that would be both entertaining and hilarious!
| strangedementia chapter 1 . 7/1
"Show don't tell" This might be my main problem with this fic in a nutshell; the fact that aside from quirks and fighting ability, character motivations and development are only told to us for the most part after the fact.
Yumi for instance, you are trying to make her a hated and despicable villain, but the thing is, she doesn't do all that much aside from sneering at Kiba or that one time where she almost kills Sakura. One suggestion I have for Kakumei is that given how important Yumi is probably going to be, give her some POV scenes that give us more insight into her character. You might not like writing her, but if you want your readers to hate her as much as you seem to, you will have to go out of your way to give her plenty of "Kick the Dog" scenes.
Not to mention, given that Hana only has two scenes in the entire fic, and that she and Yumi only interact in her death scene, the impact of said scene is pretty much non-existant, especially since we never saw ANY evidence that they even knew each other before this.
As for Hakumei itself, I would have loved to actually see the development of it's members and it's bonds. Seems like there is some potential for some heartwarming scenes from how you've TOLD us.
Pity we never get to see any of it, then. It's not as bad as Nicola Peltz's narration in The Last Airbender film, but it can easily become that way if you're not careful.
| The Valak chapter 33 . 6/23
Nice story dude
| Matatabi-chan chapter 1 . 6/13
Maybe I'm crazy but I think that Guy would make a good hokage
| Anahita Unduli II chapter 5 . 6/13
now i'm not the biggest naruto fanfic reader but i happened to find your fic through tv tropes and i must say, i'm impressed to the point where this chapter alone caught me in the feels. You're honest about your opinions on said characters and even how you feel in writing their interactions and personalities. Not to mention you proved yourself by not bashing certain characters like Sakura or Hinata and even put in the whole no godlike Naruto.
Really enjoying having Haku and Kimimaro in the group, this chapter alone was precious! Tsunade is pretty spot on, and I cannot say how much I love her calling the kids "mudpuppies" or wanting a drink and Shizune offering her lemonade instead! Probably two of my favorite funny moments so far. Looking forward to reading more of your fanfic.
| avidreaded chapter 33 . 5/17
So glad that mention of a sequel was there and that you finished this with a very good and acceptable ending for a "first book" otherwise this probably would've been one of the most hatefully written things I've ever written. Basically I'm really fucking glad this was actually finished and not left unfinished or "completed" with an "ending" for the sake of claiming completion.
| mickeymauser123 chapter 28 . 5/12
When I read the Santa Claus thing all I could picture was the Nidame dressed up as Santa cursing like a sailor while the other Hokages were watching and laughing their asses off in the Shikagami's stomach... I love my mind sometimes!~
| jtclark424 chapter 18 . 5/4
| Cool person chapter 33 . 5/2
I can't believe i hadn't read such a too good story i feel too sad...(cries)...aham i am fine now i wanted to say you are too good and i myself fantasie about all cool naruto character together..( joy jump )...aham back to review...i also adore itachi-sama and i hate sasuke too so we are alike people any way write more thank you.