Reviews for Hakumei
Guest chapter 3 . 5/16/2018
hm nice story , i can relate this to nagato,konan filler story before they were find by jiraya ,the only down side is that prety much all the group memebers have some special ability beside naruto and i am afraid you go after that shit canon(sry language) were naruto got the shit of the shit and somehow he had to do it (i am a naruhina fan, but i think kishimoto gived all to the likes sasuke ,neji ,etc when naruto got nothing but somehow the plot armor was there the somehow win with all odds against), hope you can give somting that makes naruto a lil better beside big mouth and happy ( willpower to never quit) go lucky thing
Demento56 chapter 33 . 5/13/2018
This story started out weak but, to your credit, it did improve considerably towards the end of the five year span you were writing it.

It's a 6/10 overall. Sadly, while the premise was very interesting and you did a pretty good job of making every member of Hakumei a distinct character, the actual writing wasn't great. Between the clumsy exposition, the heavy handed imagery and symbolism, and the constant misspellings and typos of names (you confused Nara Shikaku and the Bijuu Shukaku about half a dozen times, when you weren't too busy getting them wrong in new and creative ways), the plot just couldn't compensate.

That said, I am disappointed that you only had one chapter of the sequel in you. If your writing improved, it could have been a very good story.
SilverDragon1218 chapter 33 . 5/13/2018
This was AWESOME! Even though it was a little sad at the end and Danzo is still the most evil criminal mastermind at large. I can only hope for a happy ending. Great idea, loved it
Discordmaru chapter 33 . 5/6/2018
I really loved this, such a interesting and different view of what if's. It started out slightly rushed, but by the 2nd 3rd chapter I was in for an awesome ride. Now gonna check your profile see more of your work. (fave, followed, & reviewed because it's worth it.)
daragunshot chapter 7 . 4/18/2018
Spite. The true fuel of greatness and success.
Andorxor chapter 28 . 3/31/2018
I hope Santa spears and fights Danzo
Jeff goldblum69 chapter 10 . 3/31/2018
Rip kakashis dignity
lucasrosa94 chapter 25 . 3/27/2018
muito bom.
Guest chapter 1 . 3/21/2018
Amazing first chapter, and Itachi is amazing and Im so curious what will happen to him omg
Ans Sasukes short "will i follow or not crisis"- such an amazing chils moment, love it!
Jorima chapter 5 . 3/10/2018
Well for me, this a beautiful chapter. Specially the song. Tsunade and the children are like the shaped block puzzles. They the children heal and fill the hole in tsunade's heart, soul, and life and vice versa. If you aim to include her in the children's live this is a perfect insertions. Here, here, cheers!
Venom Spirit chapter 32 . 2/26/2018
Ooh. Yumi you done fucked up. Killing hana... that will come to bite you in the ass.
Venom Spirit chapter 20 . 2/26/2018
That little ultimate techniques and inexperienced fighters bit when kiba got a cut on Kimmimaro was 7straight up Ruroni kenshin when he faced Raijuta. I like that.
Rain of the Forest chapter 3 . 2/22/2018
I've read this before, but I don't remember if you mentioned anything about the 'special patient' that was murdered. If so, who was it?
infinite eternity chapter 1 . 2/3/2018
I was about to say Hiashi isn't that flat of a character, but then I read the last scene. So. But Sasuke's parents wouldn't say that about him in any situation, really. Really OOC. And I don't think Hiruzen is trusting enough to let a man who's really suspicious like Danzo be in such a powerful position. Yes they were teammates or whatever but Hiruzen is the Hokage. He couldn't have become Hokage if he were foolish; he would've died the moment a merchant with a white caravan came up and offered him candy.

Anyway, I like that Itachi lets them go.
Maxine chapter 33 . 1/6/2018
So it’s done now, right?



As in, Tadah~~~?

Well, cuz if it is, then you’re a cruelly awesome author...

I may sound like a real jerk, but boi, I don’t usually read half the footnotes you authors leave since I’m too busy trying tah read the awesome stories y’all write.

Anyways, this fan with no account is just here to say that that was an amazing story! And the fact that it’s like, so different from the crowd of fanfics I usually find? That makes this one an outlier in terms of plot and twists.

Also, who knew that I’d be pulled into learning to take an interest in a pedo like that Orochimaru dude. You’re portrayal of the damned character makes him so innocent compared to what his original self was... Gosh, you need to make a solo fanfic about him being brainwashed and being forced against his world. That’d be epic.

Well, that’s all this teen can say. Happy Holidays!
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