Reviews for Big Brother
supernaturalsammy67 chapter 1 . 3/16/2008
hehe lol hun x

AW its like roles reversed x

its such a sweet lil shot hun x

you do not need to change anything

ITS GREAT HUN!

hehe x

aw wow, lol sams finally taking care of dean x

it is such great fic hun x

your getting really good hun xx

can't wait for more of your stuff hun x

loved it x
riquitv chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
i really like the story, i always like when Dean is injured, je je, i think maybe you can continue the story, i don't know, maybe Dean can be worse than they think and Sam has to take care of him more days, but, the story is really good as one shot so, it's your decision.

Thanks for sharing!
lady of arabia chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
Nah, I think you're doing fine, you just need to try something a bit more ambitious. It has all the things we love, a bit of blood, a bit of topless Dean.

I have just posted a new story which is a follow up and wouldn't mind your opinion though it is a bit long.

x
Here's Hoping chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
Overall, your writing is good, but I suggest you work a little with you diction, syntax, and agreement to improve on cohesion and flow. Take your second paragraph, for example:

{{It had been a actually been quite an easy hunt: Hide out in the forest until the vampire came past and cut its head off, but Dean had been too impatient and jumped out too soon, causing the vampire to engage Dean in a one-on-one fight until Sam had had the chance to cut its head off. Said vampire now lay a few feet away, and its head stood near the tree 3 metres away.}}

Aside from the obvious errors (don't forget to proof before you post), there are a few inconsistencies that can make this hard to get through. I suggest something like this:

{{It was supposed to have been a relatively simple hunt: Lay in wait for the vampire in the forest and decapitate it when it came by. However, Dean had gotten impatient and revealed himself too soon, engaging the vampire in a one-on-one fight until Sam finally had the chance to cut off its head. The vampire's body now lay a few feet from them, while its head sat near the tree 3 yards away.}}

Getting rid of the repetition in the beginning and separating the run-on sentence makes it easier to understand what's going on without having to go back and read it again. Also, at the end of the paragraph, try to be consistent with measurements. Instead of switching between empirical and metric (feet and meters), try sticking with the same system.

Throughout this, I also noticed the repeated use of the word 'which'. Try to vary your diction a bit more, in order to avoid becoming redundant.

The story is interesting, but I think by doing some of these things, you could possibly make it an easier read.

Also, I don't mean to offend. I'm just offering some constructive criticism. Good luck with your future endeavors! :)
HorrorDreams chapter 1 . 3/9/2008
Hehe, I know how it feels to not get many reviews, so here I will give you my best constructive criticism: First off, you are NOT a bad writer. This was a very cute oneshot, it captured Sam perfectly :) Now, to the criticism (I hate bringing people down!): The only real thing that I think you should do is maybe try to get in tune with Dean's character more, it seemed a bit off for him at places...like he would not react that way, but even that was not too bad.

Anywho, this is a cute little peice, feel no shame in it, you should be very proud of this! Thanks for the family fluff, it brightened my dull day. Peace Out.
Calypso.Bay chapter 1 . 3/9/2008
This was good, I like family stories, especially between two characters on my fave show ever.

Good plot, you got a little brokeback-ish on me there, but overall very nice.

you had a few long sentences, such as:

Dean was in pain and he was trying too hard to hide it and this is what was making Sam more worried, he glanced at Dean every few minutes to make sure he was okay but Dean didn’t notice, seeming more intent on looking out of the window at the pitch-black landscape, Dean finally started looked out of the front window and Sam noticed how pale his face had become.

could have been:

Dean was in pain. He was trying too hard to hide it, and this is what was making Sam more worried. He glanced at Dean every few minutes to make sure he was okay but Dean didn't notice, seeming more intent on looking out of the window at the pitch-black landscape. Dean finally started, looking out of the front window and Sam noticed how pale his face had become.

SOO overall I liked, I'm going to look for more of your work. Maybe you could get a beta next time, just to check your grammar?

good work.

:]luna