|Reviews for Joke's on Batman|
| I've no clue what I am doing chapter 1 . 3/24
I tried to find something that hadn't been stated in the previous reviews, and I couldn't. It's brisk, refreshing and I can get into it even if I'm not familiar with it.
The typographical and orthographic errors, besides those already mentioned, are small and inobtrusive: "blineded", "buisness", "wrot-iron" instead of "wrought-iron" (unless that's intentional), "explitive" instead of "expletive" in the explanation, and some incidents of using hyphens instead of emdashes while the rest of the story uses emdashes.
I look forward to the next installment. :)
| SdaTheArtist chapter 1 . 3/10
Somewhat fandom-blind, but long time no see Wildcard!
I’ve noticed that the entire writing of this fic, both in description and dialogue, is short and concise. It is straight to the point and does away with verbose prose and imagery, which is what I like about the writing here. The first two paragraphs alone:
“I’ve been standing outside the building for a full ten minutes...But I’ll take freedom any day of the week,”
“No car had come to meet me…It would explain how they got there so quickly,”
paint a wonderful mental image of the city and the flavor of the point-of-view character in a few short strokes. I really do applaud you for this, it saves up some valuable space if one wants to be straightforward!
“...the old man sabotaged things,” and, “So the Jokerz have expanded their own territory,” are very subtle foreshadowings of what is to come later down the line. Second-time readers and a few perceptive first-timers are probably going to catch this.
Now, for the next few scenes we transition to a sudden break off after,
“The train ride home...The memories come anyway…,”
and what appears next seems to be a memory sequence written in the past tense. It makes sense in the context of this fic being written in present-tense, considering it already happened long ago, and you do seem to differentiate between the tenses―using past tense to indicate past memories and present tense to indicate the present―quite well without confusing the reader.
That being said, it took me a few reads to understand how the scenes logically flow since we were jumping between tenses. I feel it could have been better handled, but considering present-tense is not as common as past-tense in many works of literature, I think this is the best way to handle it. Plus, writing in present-tense might be jarring for many of us who read in the past-tense, thus this style being a kind of hit-and-miss for some anyway. However it is executed well, I think.
Interesting that the previous transition from above and this one:
“My grin sours...it’s all his fault,”
seems to lead right into the memory sequences. Easy-to-follow transitions, if I may add.
The next scene is quite a surprise from the last two scene-changes we got. Instead of an obvious break to another memory sequence, we have a subtle and gradual change from the point-of-view character returning home to and napping to him having another memory sequence in the form of a dream. Quite a contrasting change to the last two, and I feel this contrast serves to emphasize the culmination of the character’s motivation. To me, the first sequences were simply build-ups, but the third one is apparently the real proverbial powder-keg for the events further down the story, so to speak.
Now we arrive to the action scene of the story―where the point-of-view character faces off with a few members of the Jokerz gang.
With this confrontation ending off with the character being rescued by the police, I’ve a feeling this is a very subtle foreshadowing to some conflict later down the line should you continue the story of this point-of-view character. It relates to the end, where he finally makes the decision to become the leader of the Jokerz gang, and I do imagine those gang members that attacked him might be one of the (potentially many) barriers to his goals. Though I do find irony in that this attack―by Jokerz gang members, of all gangs―sealed his decision in deciding to join a gang, only he ends up choosing the Jokerz gang at the end. One would think this might be some kind of poetic justice, no?
It is strange that one of the attackers is a “splicer,” which, from what you’ve described at the end-of-chapter notes, is a person who injected him/herself with an illegal serum that grants them enhanced abilities based on an animal motif. I almost thought of a splicer from Bioshock for a moment, there. Is it common for gang members in this city to obtain the serum, or is it especially difficult to get? Perhaps I’m just reading too much into this.
I don’t see much significance in the in-between scenes―from heading to the hospital and making his way to the residence of the retired Batman―although I believe I did caught on to a few spelling errors, albeit they’re very few:
this one from the combat scene, “...and are promptly blineded…,”
“...she was all buisness…”
Now I don’t think this all of the spelling errors―as your spelling, grammar, and punctuation are so well commanded throughout the entire story it’s almost difficult to find any errors―but I think there is one more in the end of the story. Could be wrong though, so take this with a grain of salt.
We finally arrive to the scene where the point-of-view character takes his revenge on the eighty-year old Batman. Only dialogue tags and monologue fill in this scene, and it serves to especially drive the tension sky-high. The entire scene is nearly a back-and-forth conversation nearly devolving into outright anger by the point-of-view character himself, which is not bad in of itself. I actually find it great and suspenseful! I do notice the character’s subtle reluctance to pull the trigger, which seems to indicate some doubt within him. I feel this might foreshadow a point later in his story concerning his own morality, or perhaps some kind of kinship with the Batman (since the story summary described the character as being destined to succeed Bruce), but it’s too early to tell. Besides, I might be making a mountain out of a mole-hill with this point.
And so we finally come to the end, where after a sudden cut-off it appears the officer from earlier has arrived in the nick of time. I do like how some of the events throughout the story seem to have no relation to each other, when in fact they do serve a plot-point at the end; example being Barbara meeting the point-of-view character before heading off to a red-herring. Thus, I have to say, there are some pretty well-done bait-and-switches here like this one.
Well, I have to say this is a very well-written story, coming from someone who is only vaguely familiar with the Batman franchise. I find it interesting that the present-tense is being used as the main tense for this story, which seems to serve some kind of point, but I don’t know what it exactly is. Whatever it is, I’m sure this story might not have much of an impact should it have been written in the past tense. Aside from a very few spelling errors―which are easily forgivable―the spelling, grammar, and punctuation here is fantastic.
Though, my two caveats with this story is the usage of present-tense and the fact someone who is well-familiar with Batman And Beyond. As I have mentioned before, present-tense is not as common as past-tense, as far as I know anyway. It will take a few reads for someone both fandom-blind and not to get used to it, but since the writing here is well-executed I can safely say this caveat can largely be ignored if the writing quality remains consistent. It’ll probably be a hit-and-miss for everyone, as I have stated earlier in my comments on the transitions, but you can’t please everyone, right?
As for my second caveat, well, I feel I can only enjoy this more if I’m better familiarized with Batman And Beyond, but this is more of subjective opinion as opposed to fact. I could have been more connected with this character if the reason above applied, but for me the characterization as a result of your concise writing is enough that I can at least feel some sympathy for Terry.
Keep up the good work, Wildcard! I’m sure readers of your fandom will enjoy reading this if you continue writing it!
| EagleJarl chapter 1 . 9/28/2013
This is an interesting start, but there's not enough to it. What did Terry do? Why was he in prison? Did Barbara shoot his hand or did Bruce batarang it?Mostly I'm just left confused.
I wish there were more; I think it would make a really interesting story.
| bavaria44 chapter 1 . 1/19/2013
Honestly, your pride is legitimate.
I grew up with Terry McGinnis and “his” Batman. After watching the cartoons with Bruce Wayne as Batman I thought “no way that they can make it better.” But they did. The futuristic Gotham City was even darker, filthier, more dangerous. And I loved it.
Truly, this is the first Batman-fic I've read. And I don't think it'd be considered as exaggerating if I say, I've really had the feeling that I'm listening to Terry himself. You did a great job with the character. He becomes (literally) alive through your words.
Batman Beyond was also more complicated – not only because of the clash of two generations, but because of Terry's relationship with his family. The scene in your fic when Terry comes home, was my favourite. His nightmare gave me the chills.
“I check everywhere to make sure. I breathe a sigh of relief as I plop on my bed for a nap. Hopefully I won't wake up until Dad is asleep. Hopefully I can do this every day- for the rest of my life.
My sleep isn't sound.
Charlie, get up!
It should be; I'm home. Still, it isn't.
"I said get up! Charlie, what are you doing?!" The sirens in the background have me in a panic. He's just lying there on the ground! We have to get out of here, what the hell is wrong with him?“”
A very nice transition. The only thing to consider would be Terry's awareness of his nightmare in the moment it begins to happen (people usually aren't aware of that fact), if you know what I mean.
“My sleep isn't sound.
Charlie, get up!
It should be; I'm home. Still, it isn't.”
But I understand that there was no other way how to do that, since you choose to write the fic in 1st person.
“I don't have time to reflect, my salvation is almost within reach!“ - loved that one! The part with the tiger was an adrenaline ride, even though there was no Assassins-Creed-style chase. I assume that if Terry started to run, it'd have been a very, very quick end. Something that has two legs can't outrun a big ferocious cat.
My eagle eye (which is totally blind when it comes to my writing) spotted just one typo -
“Look out Batman, there's a new Joker in town.” - the last sentence is too much powerful...it deserves its own line.
| Kermit Kills chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
great job! i found this story gripping and compelling. you wrote it really well, i liked the general smooth flow of the narrative. i have not seen much of Beyond stuff, but this was really cool. definitely as close to perfection as i have ever encountered on this site
| CloudsAreNOTSquare chapter 1 . 1/30/2010
God, you're writing is impressive. I love how deep it is.
| Aspiring Mythmaker chapter 1 . 1/30/2010
Overall, a pretty good story. There’s some pretty strong emotion here, and I found myself agreeing with the Terry about what a $%# Bruce was. It seems quite fluid, with one event flowing naturally to the next, and the subtle foreshadowing helps build an aura of suspense while you’re reading it.
There isn’t a lot of description here, which I found a bit odd, considering he’s in a futuristic Gotham. Still, the story’s short enough that description might just weigh it down, so I guess it really isn’t an issue.
Unfortunately, one thing I noticed is that you have quite a few grammar and spelling errors.
/ No car had come to meet me; not surprising, most everyone I know is mad at me for getting arrested—again. /
/ Like I need more of that, I got plenty in prison. /
/ I got a record, who's gonna hire me? /
/ I hate him, we never get along. /
/ We have to get out of here, what the hell is wrong with him? /
/ That seems wrong, but I don't have time to reflect, my salvation is almost within reach! /
/ Not a problem, a little fuss, a few creds and these overworked, rem-deprived nurses ought to help me out. /
/ They are low and serious; things are not looking good, maybe I should try again later. /
/ I decide to savor the moment, what can go wrong? /
/ He doesn't care about me, I'll bet he doesn't even remember who I am. /
/ That does it, I'm scragging him right now, that'll show him! /
The above sentences seem to lack transition. There are commas there, but the two sides of the sentence don’t really connect well. Some of them could be easier written as two sentences.
/ I leveled my best glare at course it had no effect, he just changed tactics. /
First, I think “at” is supposed to be “of,” and if it is there should be a comma or period there. Also, lack of transition.
/ The head piece comes off easily, but the body is all one peice. /
“piece” should be “piece.”
/ Ducking behind the canisters I start searching for an escape route or a hiding place. /
I think there should be a comma after “canisters.”
/ Sprinting to the doorway I spare a glance behind me to check for pursuit. /
There should be a comma after “doorway.”
/ Once again facing forward I'm horrified. /
There should be a comma after “forward.”
/ My day had started badly; I can't even quite remember the dream. /
Maybe not grammatically wrong, but it’s hard to read. I would omit either “even” or “quite.”
/ An enormous tiger just lept from the shadows to land on me. /
“lept” should be “leapt.”
/ I crack an eye in suprise, they are seriously going to let it kill me! /
This starts as an action, but ends in a thought, with no transition. Also, “suprise” should be “surprise.”
/ Then they charge me—and are promptly blineded by two beams of light roaming down the alleyway. /
“blineded” should be “blinded.”
/ the lean nutball looked like a deer caught in the headlights for a split second before he turned to me an said in a low voice, "You're lucky this time, twip, but later? K", he drags a thumb across his throat for emphasis and they all run off, howling and laughing. /
“the” should be “The.” Also “an” should be “and.” Also, the comma after “K” should be inside the quotes and should instead be a period. And the “he” after that should be capitalized. Also, “looked” and “turned” are past tense. They should be present tense instead.
/ After throwing a concerned look in my direction, she was all buisness. /
“buisness” should be “business.”
/ I tuned out the rest; they were leaving me alone and I'm not headed anywhere near Turner or Vine. /
This story is present tense, and “tuned” is past tense here. It should be “tune.”
/ The cab to the hospital was boring, more actionless time. /
“actionless” should be “action-less.” Also, there should be a transition after the comma.
/ After another torturous night- at the hospital no less, I am itching to get up and move. /
The hyphen here isn’t used correctly. It should either be a comma, or the other comma should be a hyphen.
/ Standing at the rickety, old, wrot-iron gates, I contemplate what I was getting myself into. /
“wrot” should be “wrought.” Also, “was” should be “am,” as this is present tense.
/ The cab ride over had been unbearablely long, as the anticipation built exponentially, but at full sundown I was there. /
“unbearablely” should be “unbearably.”
/ Cracking the door slightly, I catch a glimpse of the receding form or a white-haired chick in a trench coat. /
“or” should be “of.”
/ I start to reflect on what just transired and realize a few things. /
“transired” should be “transpired.”
If there weren't so many errors, I'd say this could almost be a perfect story. As it is, it needs a little cleaning up.
| Akatsuki210 chapter 1 . 10/29/2009
You did a good job of setting the scene in the first section, and also in the section on the train. I like the way you describe Terry's difficulty readjusting to life on the "outside."
There are a couple of minor spelling errors: "wrot-iron" should be "wrought-iron", for example. Also, I agree with the reviewer who said that it would have made the story easier to follow if the flashbacks were put in italics to differentiate them from the present-day sections.
You wrote Wayne's unflappable confidence during the final confrontation well, and I especially like his line, "I'm not trying to save me. I'm trying to save you."
Since I don't know much about the Batman canon beyond the movies, I'm not familiar with Terry McGinnis's story, but overall I think you did a good job with this fic.
| verity candor chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Oh, nice. Nice, nice nice.
| eenak chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
Overall I liked the story, I liked how you started off with Terry getting out of prison and slowly telling the story of what actually happened to cause him being imprisoned within the story. I also like the details that you put into the tiger scene in the alley.
I do however think that the transitioning between the present and his past could’ve been done a little more effectively; it was a bit off-putting to have him in the present and then all of sudden jump into his past with no clear sign of it. I think it would’ve been helpful to have his past events shown in italics to show the distinction between his present and past events. Also, there were a few grammatical hiccups such as spelling that cause me to be distracted briefly, things of that nature can be fixed by using a beta.
In the end though, I liked how you came full circle with Terry confronting Bruce about the whole thing, even though it was his own bad judgment that caused him to go to prison.
| Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 1 . 8/1/2009
This is a very interesting concept. The fact that Terry, a superhero, has the ability in him to willingly kill another person just surprises me. After reading Why? and saw a glimpse of Terry's dark side I had to take a look at this one.
I like all the detail surrounding his life in prison and what he did to get locked away. It was quite an intense moment. Nothing compares to the scene where he is fighting the tiger and the Jokerz. That's definately a graphic moment especially the part where the tiger rips him up. The Joker wannabe is well written and made me laugh at his pathetic attempt to live up to the original. I think you have the characters of the Jokerz and the splicer down.
While on that subject I have to mention the language. You have a great grasp on their futuristic slang. The dialogue between Terry and his friend and Terry and the Jokerz felt real.
The scene where Terry finally faces off against Bruce is amazing. The way it's staged is perfect. What more you have them both react in a way that's true to their character. Bruce is sensible and calm while someone is pointing a gun at him. I like that Terry is hesitant to shoot as it shows the good he still has in him, so he is not entirely dark yet. Then the twist ending where he makes his final decision is unexpected. At that moment I suppose he loses all that's good inside him.
Good work with this story. I look forward to more.
| doomed89 chapter 1 . 6/30/2009
I don't really get how Terry could have been batman and Barbra not know who he is not to mention his dad still being alive and him needing to get sent to the hospital over a few jokers, he could hold is own before he even had any training, but it was an interesting read once you get passed the plot holes
| vieenrose chapter 1 . 5/24/2009
good choice of words, i like it. "There's a new joker in town",
| CelloSolo2007 chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
Ooh, nice one. Not OOC at all, since it was explained though Terry's thoughts. Great job with that, as well as his POV. Kinda confusing for a few seconds on who shot who, but it ended nicely. Great job, and I look forward to similar fics from you. Keep it up!
| Captain Deadpool chapter 1 . 5/22/2008
Very cool. This is the kind of AU I like.