Reviews for Bitter Ash
Nel Tu chapter 1 . 8/27/2013
;_; dammit we need unohona right now!
She could heal him!
GDYRISAA chapter 1 . 3/26/2013
That was quite the angsty fic, but I really liked it. The one line repetition was a cool effect- and it's really accurate. When you have brathing problems it kind of becomes every other thought you have- speaking as a child who has had many, many asthma attacks. Great job!
The Time Traveler chapter 1 . 2/6/2012
Wow that was depressing, but well written and definately food for thought.
Medicinal Biscuit chapter 1 . 7/11/2010
I really really liked this quite a bit. You may have overkilled the "bitter ash" phrase juuuust a bit, but the rest was quite good. I've honestly never seen a kyuubi attack aftermath fic, but it's an essential influence on the generation you're talking about here. Loved the backstory for Hayate's cough. Nice job!
cy-grl chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
Nice work, very dark :)
Taryn Streambattle chapter 1 . 2/23/2010
ouch.

Well done!
Gentle Kit chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
Very good. I definitely got the hot, ashy feeling.
Dreaming-Of-A-Nightmare chapter 1 . 6/26/2008
ooh, this gave me the chills! the good kind, too. wow. just... wow. so much emotion and poetry in this. wonderful job!
Jami chapter 1 . 5/8/2008
Hey, this was very very intense, in an awesome way. I can relate to this fic because I've been in the middle of fires. I woke up and I thought the sun was the moon because of the ash in the sky. I swear, it the sky was an awful red-orange. I'd cough a lot, and my house was surrounded by fire. I had to pack to evacuate, and I never knew if my house would still be there. This story brought all that back. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but you did an incredible job. Hayate and Iruka are my favorite characters too, so this is one of my favorite stories. It breaks my heart in a good way.
InARealPickle chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
It makes sense to write the line even if it did get a bit repetitive because that's what would be his foremost thought if he were actually unable to breathe.

Iruka was repetitive as well and it definitely furthered that feeling of his being shell shocked.

I really like this piece. It gave a new dimension to what it would have felt like to be left in the aftermath of that disaster.
Viviane Renard chapter 1 . 4/25/2008
I think you did a great job with describing the smothering feeling of the ash, and of Iruka's sudden outburst of emotion. However, the repitition of the line 'He could not breathe' did get tedious after awhile, and I started skipping it. I like the idea you're getting at with it, but I think it would have been more effective written every several paragraphs or something, so that it wouldn't be as 'over used.' Beyond that, I did really enjoy reading this.
Kotonaru chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
Very neat! That one line did get quite repetitive, and while it was good for the mood of the fic, it also made it a bit difficult to read and I had a hard time immersing myself into the story because of it. I'd recommend choosing the moments when it would have the most impact, then take out the rest, perhaps?

Beyond that, I thought this was amazing. The mood was wonderful - you certainly accomplished your goal of infusing the feel of hot ash.
Phoenix halfbreed chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
Wow. I liked it. It was an interesting read, one of a kind. Anyway keep up the good work. _
Samurai101 chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
(Ugh, I give up trying to log in!)

I choke with Hayate! Wow, wow, wow and awesome. The whole thing just feels useless and despairing. Something matters because no matter what is done there is still ash, smoke, death, and that's all.

I love Iruka's line to Haya-kun: "I remember 'cause I thought it was funny I'd wind up by your house and how weird it would be if I died there." Babble babble babble and maybe you can keep from thinking, huh?

Wow. Simply wow, Nee. I can say no more.
Ceretis Paribus chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
I really really like this! very moving, very intense!