"My only suggestion for this one is to use clank for the sound of a hammer doing the banging on metal. Then describe it with Mr. Briefs saying a pound here and another one there. It helps the story move easier. That is how you show it and tell it. The rest is still to keep in mind to organize your thoughts into clear sentences. "Use punctuation correctly each time." "Other than those tips, I still enjoy reading it!"

"Thank you for sharing this with me!"

"You have gotten the emotional feelings down. You have a scene." "It is just a matter of word choice and proper use of correct punctuation marks." I must say so far this story makes me want to read it so far. Please keep in mind there are dependent clauses and independent clauses. Dependent are sentences needing to use words like as with commas to join two sentences together into a neat complete thought. We are not fans of run on sentences. However; some complete thoughts are longer than certain regular sentences. Dependent Clause is a sentence that supports the first sentence before it. For example, if both sentences cannot work alone it is dependent. If it can support itself without a second one connected to it, it is independent. An independent clause is a single complete thought organized into a regular sized sentence. It does not need help. I hope this helps you to improve. "Other than that, I love it!" For the sentence showing Goku was pulling backwards, describe the object as soft. It means fuzzy and brown. This saves time and words. Remember when to use comma, periods and exclamation marks correctly. Only use a question mark if your having the character ask a question. Exclamation marks can mean different things. Yelling such as anger, surprise or just loud tones. It depends on your delivery of the words in front of your punctuation mark. I would keep these notes as a way to help bring improvement. I love the descriptive scenes. Try learning how to show without telling. Onomatopoeia words help bring the story to life. Onomatopoeia are more like written sounds. Mix them in carefully with an explanation, and you can show what is happening. Something I learned from an expert author company. Mc Million is a book company who helps book authors publish, edit or even organize the writing. However; they will not do all of it. Their job mostly is to sell the books written by the author to bookstores willing to put them on their shelves or online. "Anyway remember to have some fun with your story too!" "Enjoy my feedback!" "Thank you for sharing with me to read it!" "You are making great progress so far!"

"Hi there, this is Geo speaking!" "Very good now I have some little bit of advice."

Paragraph one line one change the comma to a period. Then take out as and capitalize the letter t in the. Paragraph one line two the first the in that sentence into letter a.

Paragraph two line two change she to Chichi. This shows and tells the reader who the mother of Goten is. This works because in the first line of paragraph one you stated mother not anyone else. So it is self explained using Chichis name in this sentence. The rest is fine for this chapter so far. "Excellent reading though!" "Thank you for sharing this story with me!"

Why is all of this so Cute? ALLLLLLLL OF THHHHHHEMMM

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

why is his name 'Table?' when his name is "TARBLE!?"

great job on story so far but i still vote bulla

i vote for bulla :)

i think u should call bulmas kid bulla not bra it makes no sense. where did they come up with thst nsme anyway. p.s. i really liked the story

gooooooooooddddd this is very funny and great hahahaha very very funny

Interesting idea, cant wait to read more

I think this was a rather funny chapter I especially like how both Bulma AND Vegeta tries to "inspire" their kids to write something about them. Really cute

Good chapter. I think krillen deserves his wife and little girl beacues he is so loyal do his friends. he willing to fight even though he may have no chanch of wining by himself. He cares so much more of other than him self.

hahahahahh too hilarious! poor Goten xD

I love this chapter! :D and Gohan is so cute . Goku always trying to make it feel better, I love him! very good fic ;D