Reviews for po tolo
neonorne chapter 1 . 12/18/2010
Beautiful. My take on Sirius is not exactly the same as yours (sometimes I wonder if I'm weird or something in the way I read him...) - but that didn't matter. You've made a great portrait of a life and a fate with these few lines, and a believable rendition of someone's last flashes of consciousness before they die. Poetic and real at the same time. Very well done.
TheWordFountain chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
I have to say that this, at first, was confusing. But reading it through a second time, I managed to understand what it was. It was such a good piece - really! The way everything was broken up just made it seem so...real? I can't place the exact word, but I hope you know how much I liked it.

I loved the dog-paddling part and then my favorite line: "serpent family breeds serpent offspring/but not this one no never." It just made me love Sirius to death. Good job!

Thanks for the good read,

TheWordFountain
hondagirl chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
I think this is one of the most orginal pieces I have seen in awhile. I love Siruis thoughts here and all the small lines that carry so much significance. My favorite would have to be "rats are dog food, so how did he end up eating us all" Well done here. :)

-honda
Gaby Black chapter 1 . 8/27/2008
I'm almost sure I read this on Immeritus before - did you post it there?

Anyway, I really love this. I write poems too, but not in this style at all, and though it's a bit confusing at times, it's what makes the beauty of it all.

I especially loved the metaphor of Remus going round Lily like another moon and Lily dragging Sirius into her orbit. Beautiful imagery. Awesome stuff!

- Gaby
tambrathegreat chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
Very good. I don't know what else to say. The images were just beautiful, and the use of the phrase 'little white hands' amazing.
SuGaRLiLy chapter 1 . 6/3/2008
I found you through the Reviews Lounge, and decided to take a look at this.

The abstract, disjointed, stream-of-consciousness style was delicious to both read and visualize. This was artfully constructed and very clever. Excellent job on this overall.
sweetysmart0505 chapter 1 . 5/16/2008
Really cute. Good job.
whitehound chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
Excellent stuff! I especially liked the line about Peter having eaten them all in the end, which reminded me of my own favourite line out of anything I've ever written myself. It was in a song about the Chanur books, in which a powerful general set up his subordinates to take power for themselves, and then killed them and took all they had gained just before they could become strong enough to be a threat to him. But he miscalculated in the end, and one of them did the same thing to him, of which I wrote "the seed has harvested the sower".
Megsy42 chapter 1 . 4/24/2008
I didn't really understand bits of it, but it was a really interesting concept and I liked the way it jumped quite a bit. Good job ]
Corazie chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
I love how the pace changes throughout, sending you on a stop start journey. Open, I know, but I think some punctuation would have helped you to add more of a rhythm to this poem.

I love the 14th stanza. What a wicked play with words! Well done.
Avindara Nirvene chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
ohmygod, that was perfect! the words were so well placed, i loved it! ;)

anie.
WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
Y'know . . . I'm so glad I gave this poem a chance. I found myself crying at the end of it, as you traveled through Sirius' mind in what I'm guessing were his final seconds alive. This was absolutely gorgeous . . . a really evocative piece that works as a stream-of-consciousness description of his final moments, and the quick glimpses between his adult and childhood and teen years . . . perfect. There's really no other words for it.

I'm favoriting this. Thanks for this wonderful piece.
Lexie-H chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
Breathtaking.

While initially your avoidance of capitals was a little jarring, I've actually changed my mind: it works.

The narrative you express is beautiful and tragic, and your use of language and canonical references to express it (in poetry no less) amazing )

This has a wonderful rhythm to it, and the voices are so very strong.

I really really enjoyed this: v. impressed!

Lexie
Anna Nigma chapter 1 . 3/18/2008
I'm not usually a big poetry person or a Lily/Sirius shipper but this was just cool. I liked the way it switched back and forth from the past to the present and the disjointed style was really interesting, definitely not something everyone can do well. My favorite line had to be "rats are dog food/so how did he end up eating us all" You did a seriously amazing job with this! : )

~Anna
Wotcher-Tonks chapter 1 . 3/17/2008
very good. i liked the word play!
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