|Reviews for In The Heart|
| sorry but had 2 chapter 42 . 2/23/2014
I read all three of the stories, nice how you grab attention in a one shot then add the short story and leave it at a cliff hanger so i must read this one.
your grammar is atrocious.
you have no excuse for this since there was you and your bata. one of you should have caught most of these, and if said bata made many adjustments, you need to figure out grammar because bata's won't always be there. Learn to do your own work and if know it don't be lazy.
your time line is confusing at the start of both Drapes and Heart
Victoria was kind of just flung in there during Drapes, not real classy.
your resolve some conflicts too fast and had too much drama.
you should double check your characters make sure they are right.
I was confused when Oliver died and there was that funeral, but I was also rushing through the chapters a bit so I missed a few details.
I did like how Blaise reappeared after Oliver's funeral.
Ron's death was not right. Harry or Hermione would have gone to look for him, especially if it was the next day as I got the impression. plus, he did not deserve that.
Hermione was a little off, she did not seem like the person J. K. created, but I guess she doesn't have to be as this is FF.
Narcissia's death was sweet in it's own way, but i also kind of wish she would have been able to see Draco and "Nurse Hermione" together
In reference to the deaths, there was not much morning (Victoria morned and Molly morned, Ginny morned and Draco did too) and i believe that the character's would be effected more than how you wrote. (i.e. Ron's death should have caused more sorrow in the other Weasleys and Harry and Hermione then you provided)
I liked the quotes you put at the start, I think you had one at the end of the AN and you used a Henry V quote twice (the one about the a kind kiss).
one more thing, Hermione's parents. What happened to them?
I would write more, but i cannot waste more time.
I like your idea, and if you ever feel like re writing it you should edit it for the grammar and story flow.
p.s. i know i complained about your grammar, and i know that mine is not perfect either so don't take it as me being a hypocrite, but as me trying to help
| David Fishwick chapter 42 . 10/26/2008
Awesome idea and I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for writing.
| TheresNothingInside chapter 42 . 5/22/2008
awe they had i little heart to heart moment
and loved the story
truly you had a good plot
the only way i can read something that doesn't have a good
is if is crazy funny
can't wait to raed more of your writing
| TheresNothingInside chapter 41 . 5/16/2008
What? I'm a man.”
“So, Potter does play with his own wand.”
"And this is coming to a close, I think?"...?
well either way
I'm looking forward to what ever comes next.
| TheresNothingInside chapter 39 . 5/12/2008
well damn thats some depressing shi
i don't know if i want to know whats going to happen to Draco
...hell what am i saying
i can't wait for the next chapter
| TheresNothingInside chapter 38 . 5/9/2008
man if i was Dudley(never thought I'd say that) and fidelis did
i would have freaked out
just imagine that crap
passionately waiting for the next update
| PotterEntourage chapter 37 . 5/9/2008
Beautiful, just beautiful, Draco's addition to the vows was perfect!
| PotterEntourage chapter 36 . 5/9/2008
I really liked this chapter, the wonderful anticipation of a wedding, with the levity of humor! Where is Harry, and who just walked in? Lucius?
| PotterEntourage chapter 35 . 5/9/2008
The one time Draco decides to focus on the plan, and not on what he wants to do with Hermione in bed, is when she wants to talk about their wedding? Not smart Draco, not at all! ;)
| PotterEntourage chapter 34 . 5/1/2008
Wow, will Hermione ever get to have her special day? So Rabastan is the newest threat to Lucius' quest for power and the 5 wands? Very interesting!
| PotterEntourage chapter 33 . 4/30/2008
Man...they better be there to bring good tidings!
| PotterEntourage chapter 32 . 4/30/2008
Lol at Barton the flower elf! Glad to see some happiness after all the pain. I won't let my guard down though, since Lucius is still out there!
| PotterEntourage chapter 31 . 4/30/2008
Aw, yea for Blaise and Victoria! Are Draco/Hermione far behind?
| PotterEntourage chapter 30 . 4/29/2008
You have truly captured the demented craziness that is He who is Fear Malfoy. I wondered what happened to Narcissa, and boy do I know now! Well done!
| PotterEntourage chapter 29 . 4/29/2008
Poor Blaise, men! The funeral was heartbreaking. Your descriptions were incredible, painfully riveting.