|Reviews for Remus Severus Snape|
| Wildbookaddict chapter 19 . 4/5/2008
Great chapter, loved everything about it, bet the potters are so upset that remy outshined their daughter again
thanks for answering my question, can hardy wait to see what you do with them
| Hermione Jean Potter chapter 19 . 4/5/2008
I think Harry will be the powerful one. He is humble and Chloe will never do anything right she is always trying to get people in trouble and be someone she's not.
| CatWriter chapter 19 . 4/5/2008
You know what this story is missing.. ACTION. You need a big bad, and face it, you've just about made Chloe and the potters too weak to be even considered a nousence. So where is the big bad? There is no one plotting against our hero. Nothing, just weak run ins with a couple of people are starting to make Crabbe and Goyle look like brain surgeons. You have no dramatic build up, n suspense, and no climax, just this story that's turning into a history lesson by Binns.
When you started this story, it had a lot of potential, but its like you're not sure what to do with it. In your universe, harry gets to grow up with a loving family, okay that's cool, but that doesn't stop the rest of the from being what it is in the potter universe. You started out with James and lily being bad guys, okay work with that. Have them plot to get harry back into their family so that they can get the potter fortune back. James could blood adopt Harry and be his father too. Then Harry would have four fathers, he would be a true son of the Mauraders then, all except wormtail.
Also have someone preferably a bad guy... oh I don't know... VOLDEMORT figure out that Harry is the real kid-who-lived. Maybe the tom of the diary could figure it out for the next section of this story.
I like this story much in the beginning it had so much promise but you seem to be struggling. Come there's a lot that can be done. Maybe the Potter could get Umbitch to make a law so it's illegal for a werewolf to raise an uninfected child. They could claim that Sirius never wanted Harry, therefore Harry should go to his mother. James could play all nice in the public, accepting Harry back into the family, but be are arse hole behind close doors. Then Severus, Remus, Sirius and Dumbles have to try and get him back. Now this could be something for your story, some action. In the meanwhile, Chamber is opened and Ginny told Tom all about the Girl who lived, who doesn't ring quite right to Book Tom. When the book winds up with Remy, and Remy tells his story to Tom, he figures it out. In the end with the book is destroyed the fragment of soul doesn't just disappear it returns to Voldie and he now knows who the true kid who lived is. See Now that's drama, that's got ACTION. Think on it.
Please understand this isn't me just ragging on you to flame you or anything, this is me giving you honest criticism, that is designed to help you improve your story. you don't have to follow what I said, but you should at least consider it. I hate for your story to become boring.
| Silvermane1 chapter 18 . 4/4/2008
| slashslut chapter 18 . 4/4/2008
happy friday! thanks for the update to kick-start the weekend, good on ya;)
| Wildbookaddict chapter 18 . 4/4/2008
love the story keep it up
ps will there be any pairings for remy
| slashslut chapter 17 . 4/3/2008
another great read! love seeing chloe looking like a fool *heh*
| kubas89 chapter 17 . 4/3/2008
What pairs will be in this story?
| Silvermane1 chapter 17 . 4/3/2008
| Daisydill chapter 16 . 4/3/2008
The twins and Peeves working together. Merlin help the Slytherins who aren't prats. Terrific chapter!
| Alex the Anachronistic chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
Why would James and Lily favor a two year old girl over a two year old boy? Why would they prefer that a girl gain the estate? Wasn't James rich enough that they could split the inheritance between the kids? Did Lily care nothing about the fact that her children's development (or one child's) would be severely hampered if she put all their faith in a bundle of money that could be rendered useless if(like before WWII) there was a severe enough inflation? I mean, the kid(s) wouldn't know what to do with themselves if suddenly the money was not there-or if they weren't thrifty, and the money ran low/out.
Your writing could be improved here and there, but overall the logic of this story does not follow.
| Daisydill chapter 17 . 4/3/2008
It's good to see a nice Bane. Chloe has upped the anti in bratiness, I noticed. Great chapter!
| Wildbookaddict chapter 17 . 4/3/2008
More More More- Can I have some more please
| sweetygirly521 chapter 1 . 4/2/2008
you said harry again, still think the story's awesome
| Fire Dolphin chapter 16 . 4/2/2008
its really nice to read this type of story. But aren't the kids quite young to have a girlfriend already? update