|Reviews for Not Yet by Lightning|
| beehoon chapter 13 . 6/20/2008
Wow, that was sexy! I love it when you write from Bishop's POV, and the part where he was trying to figure out exactly what he wanted from her was well done. There's a good balance between what he's thinking and what he's doing, with great descriptions. I liked how Bishop wanted to see her vulnerable-in character, given his control issues:P Like Bishop, I'm wondering why the scar had her so tensed up, and I'm still wondering whether the scar was the only reason for her reserve. The laughter certainly caught me off guard! Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the first time I recall her laughing in the entire fic, and under such circumstances? Heh:P
As always, great work:)
| beehoon chapter 11 . 6/6/2008
*strokes imaginary beard* I sense much pent-up frustration with the OC, my young one. (Btw, in previous review, I meant paragraphs when I said chapters:/)
Lol, I certainly didn't see *that* coming! The Bishop snogging her was unexpected, but not surprising, but how she calmly decided to go along with it definitely caught me off guard. She just didn't seem the type! Brilliant abandon indeed:P
Interesting diversion. Nonono the wall scene is approaching soon!
| Tolly chapter 11 . 6/6/2008
*applauds* Have I mentioned that I really like Laura? Because I ought to. She's got some STYLE on her, and a really interesting personality. I'm really enjoying reading this story!
And the end of this chapter? *PHWOAR*
| shiva-dragon chapter 11 . 6/6/2008
: that was hot
| beehoon chapter 10 . 6/1/2008
So sorry for not replying your PM... I've had a bad attack of procrastination and real life:P
Lol, regarding the shorts: I would definitely be interested in seeing them (your version of events actually makes the OC fascinating, gasp gasp). And before I forget, I really have to salute your discipline! The last time I tried writing a long fic, it fizzled out once I reached the part which I hadn't pre-written:P
Just turn off the sound and imagine your own dialogue xD
Oops... Oh well, I'm full of CHEEZE as I always demand "why why why" and I'm never comfortable with accepting that some people simply have no good reason:/
Now, review proper for Chapter 10...
Nice intro about how everyone is tends to tiptoe around her (or risk getting fried by lightning bolts). Initially, from the tone of the first two chapters, I thought you were going to methodically look at the characters one by one, but heck, you've covered most of them already anyway!:p Nice touch with Sand!
As always, I love your spin on things. I very badly wanted to at least kick Ammon Jerro in the behind instead of having him join me and then having to agree with everything he said:/ And don't tell me that this is the last major reference to her faith! D: Like a broken record, once again I shall say, great choice of deity. Bishop is such an ass, but I wuv him anyway! *glomps* You write him very edgy but smexy;p I can pretty much figure out what she's thinking except during the sign from Hoar (dramatic, isn't he?).
Whew, this is long:P Anyway, as always, great work!:D
| beehoon chapter 9 . 5/23/2008
I love the way you write Neeshka! All the little touches, like her lashing her tail, are just so cute. And Khelgar's Dwarven Defense Mechanism...lol. It's very in character for him to be protective of Laura-little one? Meh. (and that makes me wonder...why isn't there more mention of him wanting to bash Bishop's face in?).
Shandra comes across as annoying and whiny in your fic, which is sadly, an accurate description. Srsly, she's the only halfway socially functional character, and when I told her to move on in West Harbor, I lost influence, despite all the preceding touchy feely dialogue .
Oops, don't mind me ranting.
M, I *really* wonder what Hoar wants with her. The way you described him comforting Laura from Neeshka's POV was lovely though.
The way you had Bishop react to the village is interesting as well... Withdrawing, but still knowing enough to read Laura better than the others could:p She's going to be in trouble, if he's finally learned how to do that!
Great work as always, and keep writing!
| beehoon chapter 8 . 5/8/2008
Ooh, that creepy Bishop!:p Poor Laura seems really off-balance around him, but I suppose it was compounded by the very long day that she had. Nice introduction for Hoar, but I wonder what exactly he wants from Laura:/ Cute touch with Casavir and his rusty armour, hehe. The party you chose to accompany her to the swamp is the one I usually play with:p I do so enjoy your style of writing, and your descriptions are lovely. (P.S. Sorry this review is kinda disordered. I'm not thinking straight, Anyway, nice chapter as always!)
| beehoon chapter 7 . 5/2/2008
Interesting look at how Casavir and Laura deal with their conflicting beliefs. Laura telling Casavir about how she was planning to beat Lorne to a bloody pulp made me all O.o, heh. The dialogue between them feels very natural, but Laura seems rather detached and emotionless, especially in where she said thanks because "she knew she should feel grateful". It's a bit of an abrupt change, especially after the previous chapter where Bishop was happily ruffling her feathers. In the first part of the chapter, you mentioned her anger, but it doesn't really show. Anyway, just my two cents' worth:p Other than that, it's well-written!
| Rhia474 chapter 7 . 5/2/2008
Acceptance of the fact that someone else is different is really hard. It seems these two managed to do that at this crucial time. Great depiction of muddy feelilngs and some grudging realizations. Maybe that's why this chapter feels murky to you?
| Hajnalmadar chapter 7 . 5/2/2008
Poor Casavir, he went there to offer his assistance and she bit his head off:D But I liked this chapter, because I felt that conversation was needed between them, it was also philosophical, really nice:)
| beehoon chapter 6 . 4/23/2008
Ooh, what a lovely chapter! Choosing Hoar as Laura's patron added a lot of depth to her interactions with others (especially everyone's favourite ranger:p), so excellent call on your part. The NPCs are spot on, and I like how you keep to the general idea of the game dialogue without copying and pasting. You write Bishop oh-so-sexy (even if he's a jerk), so I'd really like to see more, and how dear Casavir is going to react:P Good job!
| Hajnalmadar chapter 5 . 4/19/2008
Wow this was such a well-written fic, especially chapter 4 and 5 was amazing! Ah I'm so happy I came across this story:) I'm looking forward reading more!;)
| Rhia474 chapter 5 . 4/17/2008
Ha! A cleric who's doing what her god's portfolio demands her...whodathunkit! :)
I like your Laura. She is very Roman in her practical approach to religion, her grim outlook on life, and her determination to do what is asked of her, while remaining down-to-earth and connected to her roots. I took two years of classical archeology at college, so she really reminds me of a lot of the early Republican statesmen of Rome. I bet you didn't expect that... And, of course, Hoar himself, being one of the minor powers, reminds me of some of the mmore Latin gods of the Roman pantheon.
It fascinates me just how many takes we can get out of the OC-yours is definitely one of the more original ones, and one that stood out from the beginig.
| beehoon chapter 5 . 4/16/2008
I like Laura's outlook! She's so matter-of-fact and unflappable, lol. All of the NPCs are in character, and the description of Casavir's voice is very well done and smexy:P Bishop is so dodgy! I can't wait to see what he has up his sleeve, and how Laura will react to it. It's quite amusing that she would get nudged to go to bed, lol.
| Faith Kendall chapter 4 . 4/11/2008
Ahoy! I've drifted in from the NWN2 group!
I've read your chapters as far as you've posted them, and I enjoyed them all very much. I really like the 'one-shot' feel to them, but they're also linked chronologically and plot-wise, which gives the whole thing a good path to follow. I agree with Aletsan in regards to your take on the dialogue; you've followed the plot of the OC but managed to present it in a fresh new way, so I don't feel as if I'm reading the same thing I've already seen.
I love your 'voice', I think that you have a great approach to storytelling, and it's wonderfully fluid to read. I also like your KC (which is a hard feat to achieve.) She seems like she has her feet on the ground, and I like that she's so attached to her companions. It really brings her into a warm light for me.
I think you've nailed most of the companions in terms of their individual personalities; for me, the exchanges between Khelgar and Neeshka particularly hit home as being very well done. Sand, as well, I think you portray to great results!
My reviews on the NWN2 board usually run to several pages per chapter, so it's bloody hard for me to condense everything I want to say here. There just isn't the room! But I do want to say that I very much like what you've done so far, and I'll definately read more when it comes up, dahlink!
Oh, I and I only recently posted the few chapters I've written here on ff as well, so I completely understand your insecurity in letting loose the product of your heart onto the world! That, in particular, made me want to give you a review and let you know what a good job you've done. Because you have! Hurray! Onwards with the story, then! :D x