Reviews for Not Yet by Lightning
Faith Kendall chapter 4 . 4/11/2008
Ahoy! I've drifted in from the NWN2 group!

I've read your chapters as far as you've posted them, and I enjoyed them all very much. I really like the 'one-shot' feel to them, but they're also linked chronologically and plot-wise, which gives the whole thing a good path to follow. I agree with Aletsan in regards to your take on the dialogue; you've followed the plot of the OC but managed to present it in a fresh new way, so I don't feel as if I'm reading the same thing I've already seen.

I love your 'voice', I think that you have a great approach to storytelling, and it's wonderfully fluid to read. I also like your KC (which is a hard feat to achieve.) She seems like she has her feet on the ground, and I like that she's so attached to her companions. It really brings her into a warm light for me.

I think you've nailed most of the companions in terms of their individual personalities; for me, the exchanges between Khelgar and Neeshka particularly hit home as being very well done. Sand, as well, I think you portray to great results!

My reviews on the NWN2 board usually run to several pages per chapter, so it's bloody hard for me to condense everything I want to say here. There just isn't the room! But I do want to say that I very much like what you've done so far, and I'll definately read more when it comes up, dahlink!

Oh, I and I only recently posted the few chapters I've written here on ff as well, so I completely understand your insecurity in letting loose the product of your heart onto the world! That, in particular, made me want to give you a review and let you know what a good job you've done. Because you have! Hurray! Onwards with the story, then! :D x
beehoon chapter 4 . 4/11/2008
Saw your message on the NWN2 group :) I must say, I was pleasantly surprised by the direction you took with the one-shots. They are pretty darned good, especially how you portrayed the characters. You've got all the NPCs right the way they always seemed to me (with the exception of poor, unloved Nevalle:p). I definitely would like to see more (Bishop! Well, not only Bishop, but yeah. Bishop:D), and great job on these! Keep writing!:)
quickthorn chapter 4 . 4/11/2008
This is looking interesting so far, and it's generally very well-written. With that I'll just point out one exception to the rule.

"but there was a difference between knowing he was sitting beside her and being aware of it, aware of the fact that he was aware and was using this mutual awareness to his advantage"

The 4x repetition in the above sentence doesn't work well, and you might have been better off using a couple of other words in addition to aware. Otherwise it's looking good as a whole.
Tolly chapter 3 . 4/3/2008
*giggle* I absolutely adore the way you wrote the interaction between Sand and Nevalle. Characters as sarcastic as our favourite ticked-off elven wizard are certainly *not* easy to write for, and you've pulled it off with style and aplomb. I'm eagerly waiting for the next chapter!
Willow-41z chapter 2 . 3/26/2008
I like the beginning especially, and how it tells how she met up with everyone else. Also I like the conversation of Casavir!
Aletsan chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
Very nice. Your descriptions and characterizations are fresh and interesting (I don't feel like I'm reading the dialogue files), but still feel true to the game. That's a harder line to walk than you'd think, sometimes. It seems like you have a good feel for each character, and I'm interested in learning more about Laura.

You said it was completed, so are you going to be releasing the chapters on a regular basis? (This assumption is really all that's keeping me from some seriously undignified begging. :) )
Willow-41z chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
I love your prose. Especially the first line. And I just like the whole way the scene is laid out, with the pacing and the blocking and the dialogue and the exchanges of looks. I don't know half of what is going on :P but well done!
Tolly chapter 1 . 3/19/2008
I rather enjoyed this. You have a nicely concise writing style, something I highly approve of. Can't wait to see the next chapter.
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