|Reviews for I Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You|
| Elizabeth Prince chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
Beautiful little story. It made me cry. Don't know what else to say. Just loved it.
| spinners-grove chapter 1 . 4/24/2009
I do agree with a lot of what's already been said. First off, I don't think Snape would have cancelled that first class so easily. He might have looked at her with pain in his eyes, for certain, but he would shake it off within seconds and resume, even if he continued to shoot her wary glances.
Second off, I think the whole point is that Selena's outward being is exactly like Lily, but she isn't on the inside. So why does she have to be American? I myself am a Bostonian, and just because I (and you as well, I assume) are from New ENGLAND, there is no way we would be able to pass ourselves off as English. On the contrary, I think Selena would have opened her mouth and Snape would have said, "Whoa. Not Lily."
Finally, I think Dumbledore would have to do the explaining instead of McGonagall. Along with that, I can see how she might have vaguely picked up that some teachers were staring at her a little, but it wouldn't have been that obvious. The point of that whole thing is to make the reader aware that there's something going on with the way she looks, and that can be done just as easily with something more subtle.
Although, I’d also like to point out that the whole thing with her almost being raped just doesn’t seem right. I can see someone attacking her in Hogsmeade, maybe, but I just don’t think something like that would take place on Hogwarts property, no matter how hated a student was. It just wouldn’t happen.
I only give this much criticism because I think this has so much potential. Whereas I'm fairly sure it was intended as a self-insert, and an oh-I-want-to-have-sex-with-Snape, I can't help but wonder how amazing it would be if it were a purely psychological piece. Maybe Snape really doesn't turn her on at all, but she only sleeps with him to help him. This could be a cathartic experience for him, maybe, and… I don’t know, maybe between his tears in the sex scene, he can mumble Lily’s name a few times. At least then, maybe at the end he can note that he’s felt a bit of closure and can now handle the Harry thing, because of the whole experience. Therefore, at least we feel like he’s grown a bit. (Although Dumbledore mentioning Harry at the end was a very nice, if not heartbreaking touch.) Along that same train of thought, I think this would be much more potent as a piece if it were more about her sort of being afraid of him, and maybe seeing his stalker-ish-ness as a bit more creepy, but still wanting to help him move on all the while maintaining her own identity.
As for him being OOC, I think he was fairly in-character aside from cancelling that class. What you’ve portrayed is a very broken, unstable side of Snape that most writers don’t want to acknowledge. If he were really in the presence in someone that reminded him so strongly of Lily, then I don’t have any problems believing that he would break down like that. Maybe not twice, but the first time would definitely have some tears at least. My only nitpick about that, though, is that I don’t think she would have been in his personal chambers. A student is a student, and I don’t think she would have been comfortable with that. Oh, and also? I think her walking through the halls naked was a bit unrealistic, to the point where it sort of jolted me out of the story to say, “What?” On the other hand, you did not describe Snape as gorgeous, muscular, or *huge* in any sense, so at least that was an A in my book.
So again, I only give so much crit because this could be incredible, and you seem to have th writing skills to pull it off. I understand if that wasn't what was intended, but even with just a few minor changes... Well, I hope you take the advice of all the constructive reviews that you've gotten so far.
| I Love Jacksonrathbone chapter 1 . 2/28/2009
i really loved it! especially the ending
| laura-lupinxD chapter 1 . 8/2/2008
this made me cry.
| ebdarcy.qt4good chapter 1 . 6/18/2008
Wow, great work. I was wondering where Harry and the rest were, but Serena came to Hogwarts before them. Any relations to Lily or was it coincidental?
| katherinegrace79 chapter 1 . 6/15/2008
An interesting idea. Giving Snape a chance at redemption through a Lily-lookalike is very interesting. I enjoyed this.
| Cardio Necrosis chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
It was interesting, but not as great as it could or should have been.
Snape seemed out of character, far too emotional for my liking. He acted like a fourteen year old girl.
Was it really necessary to make her American? And I doubt that so many people would desire her, or teh entire world would make it so blatantly obvious they were staring at her just because she happened to look like someone who died.
Serena should not have been sorted first, and I doubt Snape would have cancelled classes simply because she looked like Lily.
This shows much potential, but really, it moved far too fast in every aspect. Not enough detail, not enough emotion.
I liked that you made he act differently than Lily, and it was interesting to me that Snape would try and force her into being more like her.
It seemed very self-insertive, but she WAS NOT a Mary Sue.
| The Absynth Fairy chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
In response to Mark Darcy's comment:
I don't fully disagree with you, however, I don't fully agree with you either. While Snape's obsession with Lily was certainly talked about amongst the students and Slughorn, I doubt any of the staff would have entertained petty gossip about which student liked which. They are adults and have little time to chat about rumors, especially when they are always on the cusp of a gigantic magical war. Thus, the knowledge (which would only amount to a bit of gossip in an adult's eyes) would have been forgotten or pushed to the back of one's mind.
Also, I don't believe Snape's reaction to a girl who looked exactly like Lily Evans would have been as potent. I remember that Harry had precisely Lily's eyes and, even if he's not the complete spitting image of Lily, he failed to have such a drastically sad effect on Snape.
I would have a hard time imagining Snape, who puts a high value in education and prioritizes his responsibilities above all else, canceling a full class because he saw a girl who reminded him of Lily. Snape is a very tough man. Not only that, he's an expert at disguising the feelings that make him feel weak in public. While he still may have loved Lily, he would not have been so sensitive about the subject that he would cancel the first class of the year because the sight of a girl who looked like Lily drove him to almost tears.
I'd imagine that the only thing that ever gets the best of Snape in public is anger, and emotion in him that has even more abundance than love, even love for Lily, or anything that looks like Lily.
Also, why was Serena the first to be sorted?
| Mark Darcy chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
Livvy, this is Trickie Woo, this is the only archive where I'm registered as Mark Darcy.
I read Hades' Queen's review and all I can say is that she must be very young and have very little experience of real life. But let's leave personal reflections out of it and address her issues. First, it never specifically said that no one knew about his feelings for Lily other than Harry and Dumbledore. I'm sure Slughorn, as self centered as he was, figured it out and used it to his advantage when they were lab partners. Also, from what I gather from looking him up on the HPL, he was head of Slytherin House during Snape's student days and he must have known all the gossip and rumors about the Slytherins, after all some of it may have been useful to him.
I think McGonagall would have known too, since she was Lily's head of house and always took a maternal, thought strict, eye on her Gryffindors. I'm sure she was up on all the Griffyndor rumors and gossip, after all a head of house must know what is going on in that house.
The students obviously knew. How do you keep anything secret among all those adolescents, especially in a coed boarding school?
As far as being out of character, JKR has portryed him as being obsessed with Lily and as being unstable. I can easily see him developing an extention of that obsession for a girl who looked so much like her. Besides, JKR has not stuck to what was previously considered canon, especially in her interviews after DH was published. If she isn't bothering to stick with what she originally created as canon, why should a fan fic writer have to stick to it?
| Hades'Queen chapter 1 . 3/22/2008
Your Snape is very OOC. Furthermore, no one but Dumbledore and later Harry ever knew about what Snape felt for Lily Evans/Potter and I didn't really get the impression that very many people even knew that they were friends while they were in school.
But other than that, I suppose that this could have potential.