Reviews for Bumpy Road to Love
rohor chapter 7 . 12/6/2012
has been a very nice story
animelvr23 chapter 7 . 7/11/2008
ha ha i loved it so much! not enough fluff though *pretends to ponder* ja ne!~
animelvr23 chapter 6 . 7/11/2008
yay i lurv(i saw some corny authors sayin it so i did to! whatev...) it! ja ne!~
animelvr23 chapter 5 . 7/11/2008
there goes kyo running away from home...yet again! ja ne!~
animelvr23 chapter 4 . 7/11/2008
kyo's so SWEET! ja ne!~
animelvr23 chapter 3 . 7/11/2008
ok so this is my way of shigure finding her diary..*ahem*,shigure was skipping down the hallway singing "high school girls, high school girls, high sch- oh what do we have here?" shigure, being the nosy dog he is, picked up tohru's diary(not knowing it was hers at the time) and read a line, "i love kyo" and read the name of the person who signed it, "love, Tohru"...and that would be a good chappie! ja ne!~
animelvr23 chapter 2 . 7/11/2008
he's sleeping in kyo's room isnt he? and yuki is doing this so kyo will sleep w/ tohru! so obvious...i think.
animelvr23 chapter 1 . 7/11/2008
poor poor mii-chan! ja ne!~
PurpleOtaku724 chapter 1 . 6/5/2008
That was really good! If you are making a sequel, i cant wait!
MysticSorceror chapter 7 . 4/6/2008
Things I liked:

I'm pretty interested in what Yuki has to do

Nice comment about the highschool girls

Good emotion

Wow Shigure is that desperate? He really is a pervert

Cute end

Ways to improve:

Some of the sentences are disjointed, if rewriting try and combine a few

The line: try to find a deeper meaning to the last Kyo said to him." Is a bit confusing to me, is it last thing/last sentence/last words?

Try to keep note of what verbs you've used and vary them a bit by using synonyms

Only read the next few words if you accept brutal and harsh honesty




Things I didn't like:

You used the word said and keep repeating verbs

A lot of grammar problems

Repetition of words and phrases: "and raved about all the fans waiting for him and he mentioned that some of his fans" / "lovingly with all his love."

Pacing is really fast

Argh, pet peeve but I had the word Okay as an answer to things like this

You repeat the first names too much without much variety in description

*sigh* I hate this type of fluff but I guess it's not as bad as some of the stuff I've read and other readers seem to eat it up

The curse just seems to break too easily

The idea of Shigure taking photos was good but wouldn't he be surprised about the curse breaking and I don't think even he would explain it like that

They don't call each other Cat like that, it's stupid cat, bakka neko, perverted cat but not just cat like "cat-san"

The interaction at the end between Yuki and Kyo doesn't really work, Yuki doesn't seem to be in character.
MysticSorceror chapter 6 . 4/2/2008
Things I like:

Aww poor Tohru, I want to hug her

I like the way you have Tohru talking to her mother - it's sweet

I'm glad Kyo wasn't there, Aya bunking with him might have killed him again

I like the amount of love you give each of them, great job on that

Warning: I tend to be brutally honest




Things I didn't like:

Odd shift in tense

Grammar issues

Sentence Fragments

The emotions need to be strengthened more I do like the placement but develop them some more

Seems to mimick the anime too much

Work on characterization a bit

Argh, you used said
MysticSorceror chapter 5 . 4/2/2008
Things I like:

Yay Shigure's high school girls song

Your Momiji is pretty cute

That's just like Kisa

Warning: I tend to be brutally honest




Things I didn't like / Things that need improvement:

You dropped the honorifics: san, kun, chan off of Tohru's speech

Try to balance the dialogue a bit more

You don't need the question mark after are

You don't need to capitalize words like thought or replied

Work on characterization - The characterization is really weak

Try not to repeat words or phrases

Wow all in one bed, I think that's a little hard to believe since the three highschool girls can barely all fit.

The pace is too fast

Yuki seems a little off when he thinks about Kyo and Tohru

The flashback seems too short

Spelling issues

Anyway, nice work

MysticSorceror chapter 4 . 4/1/2008
Things I like:

I like how Tohru describes Kyo's attitude

I like the character interactions

I like how Tohru knows just how to read people

Good connection to the anime

Warning: I tend to be brutally honest




Things I don't like/that need improvement:

Try to work on characterization a bit

Eek the word said was used - pet peeve

Try not to include author notes within the flow of the story

Spelling and grammar issues

Try and develop these emotions rather than letting them flow this easily

Try not to repeat words or phrases

The men seem to act too feminine

Don't start a new sentence before words such as answered or replied

Try to balance the dialogue the whole way through

Try not to use the first names so much but find other descriptions aka: "the brunette"

You dropped the honorifics off of Tohru's speech

Doesn't Hana call Uo Arisa?

You seem to mimick the anime in that flashback

Even though I criticized a lot I really liked it

MysticSorceror chapter 3 . 4/1/2008
Things I like:

I love how just thinking about Tohru makes him smile

I like how Tohru really does care about Momiji

The pancake idea is really really cute

The sunset thing is adorable

Warning: I tend to be brutally honest




Things I think need improvement:

Your emotions run too freely try to tone it down some

Shouldn't it be "Could I?" instead of "Do I?"

Don't start new lines when describing dialogue

Keep author notes away from the actual flow of the story

Try not to use their names so much but descriptions

Work on characterization a little more

When using am you don't need to put in the morning

Try not to repeat verbs, words or phrases

Eek you used said - pet peeve

I think that Kyo's thoughts are too feminine

Grammar issues

Nice work

MysticSorceror chapter 2 . 4/1/2008
Things I like:

I like how Mii was able to get back at Shigure

Your Momiji characterization is pretty cute

I love the "first love" comment

I love the inclusion of jellybuns? What are they anyway mochi or chinese donuts or...

I like the interaction between Kyo and Tohru

Warning: I can be brutally honest




Things I don't like:

Too much repetition of names at the beginning

Emotion seems to be lacking somewhat

I don't think he'd so easily say "please call me Haru"

Work on Haru's characterization

Try to start a new line each time a different character speaks

The action seems too mimicked from the anime

Pacing is too fast

Where did Yuki get popcorn?

Argh, the word said really grinds on me

Work on strengthening the diction

Balance the dialogue a bit more

Weird ending

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