Reviews for Upon Returning
FandomFairy01 chapter 2 . 1/28/2014
It's really good :)
Koraki chapter 2 . 9/8/2012
Intriguing. I've always wondered about the Pevensies' adaptation to life in their world as children. You've handled the subject artfully. Fantastic work.
Celandine Brandybuck chapter 2 . 7/13/2008
I very much enjoyed this (and am hoping to see the remaining parts soon). It would have been tremendously difficult to make that adjustment at the return, for all of them. Even when they were still at Professor Kirke's and could potentially talk with each other about it (as you show Lucy and Edmund doing) it would not be easy, and how much more so once sent back off to school? I'm especially liking your Edmund (he is my favorite anyhow) - I too have written him as working hard at both maths and fencing, when back at school! *g*

The chronology of the Narnia books isn't easy; it's always seemed to me that Prince Caspian and The Voyage of the Dawn Treader are actually post-war in England, and that's not easily reconciled with the amount of time said to have passed there between the Pevensies' visits to Narnia.
Animus Wyrmis chapter 2 . 6/4/2008
Ooh, another installment! I did like this one-Susan's part especially. Somehow it seemed so very Susan (and I loved that you remembered that a woman, called gentle, serving as queen to a court and country who loved her would not have much call for cutting remarks). Edmund's part was heartwrenching and yet amusing at the same time, and Lucy, of course, was so very true to herself-it would be very difficult, too, I think, to have to put up with girls missing only their parents and siblings, instead of an entire world. What a brilliant way to end it!

The one issue I had was that from this it seems like they go from the summer at the Professor's house straight to school, when I believe Prince Caspian states that-a year after the events of LWW-Lucy was going to boarding school for the first time; it seems like your Lucy has dropped a year somewhere. Other than that, excellent job!
fledge chapter 2 . 5/28/2008
Another absolutely fantastic piece. Dead on in character, especially Peter and the brandy/responsibility thing and Lucy's take about crying not doing any good. And I'd not worry about fumbling with the timeline a bit - in the books themselves time is a very elusive thing to saythe least. And it certainly is fine you bring Aravis and Ram into the picture as well. Keep the updates coming!
Cirolane chapter 2 . 5/28/2008
ooh, I really liked that you brought up Ram, I don't think I've ever seen him mentioned before. In this one, I think Edmunds was my favorite, with Lucy's as a second. Slapping the girl might be a little harsh but... And I liked the line about Susan beeing in between. Good chapter.
Lavendar chapter 2 . 5/28/2008
I really like this a lot. I like the style and absolutely love to angst over how hard it must have been for them - refuse to believe they just became children and skipped merrily off! Hope to see more soon! :)
Miniver chapter 2 . 5/28/2008
This story continues to be a great look into the spirits of the returned monarchs. I like the way some of them are beginning to express their Narnian natures in this land that they see as a place of exile. Edmund's section, where he's using Ram as a kind of role model (love the "tiny battle cries"!) is very strong. It shows Edmund's ingenuity and his practical streak. Lucy reacts wonderfully when her schoolmate cries for homesickness. Since Peter is my favorite character, I must apologetically insert a hope that he too rises to the occasion. But whatever you plan, this is intriguing and exceedingly well written.
The Golden Snitch chapter 1 . 5/26/2008
Oh, I do hope you continue this. I love reading stories about the return to England. And I enjoy your writing style. I always wondered how people would react to Queens Lucy and Susan and Kings Peter and Edmund, but most people, when writing return stories turn them back into children.


The Golden Snitch
Tarien Lakilea Tel'anor chapter 1 . 5/25/2008
I enjoyed this story. I liked the little details that you put in, like how Peter and Susan were standing as they came down the stairs.
Animus Wyrmis chapter 1 . 3/29/2008
This was lovely. :) I adore fics that explore the gap between Narnian monarchs and British schoolchildren and all they have to forget. (Is it just me, or does it seem that they remember much more vividly the events from Prince Caspian and Voyage of the Dawn Treader than LWW?)

I thought your Peter was perfect, and I very much liked that you began with him physically shrinking-it worked wonderfully well and set the tone for the rest of the piece, and I think you are right that, for Peter, that would come as the greatest shock.

Susan hunting and skinning a rabbit is certainly not something I would have thought of, but I like the way you handle it-and I do like the way she is off on her own, not because she wants to be but because her siblings don't want to be with her. And washing herself clean as she repeats "Queen Susan, the Gentle" has a wonderfully chilling effect after The Last Battle.

I thought Edmund was lovely-he and Lucy somehow have more hope than the other two. I wasn't sure there was enough transition between the first and second paragraphs, though-you're inside and then suddenly it's (not) raining. Maybe another sentence? I did like the gloomy attic scene-what a sad place for a king and queen of Narnia to have to spar!

Lucy's was heartwrenching-possibly she feels the change in age more than any of them; a little girl isn't afforded much respect (or personal space), especially when compared to a queen. I wasn't entirely sure that the ending worked, though-the endings to each other section emphasize the child instead of the ruler ("becoming a child", "young lady", the Macready joke which is quite Edmund, pre-crowning)-the fourth section ends on a different note and doesn't quite seem to *end* it to me.

And on a separate note, I don't believe Susan would have been referred to as "High Queen"-in the books, only Peter is ever given that title, and Susan is always referred to simply as queen; no one ever invokes her as ruling over other monarchs (like Caspian), as Edmund invokes Peter-and surely if there was a difference in age, with a king and a queen and another king and queen under them, Caspian would have been able to better counter his uncle's claim that there couldn't be four monarchs?

Anyway, I'm adding this to my alerts, and I hope you update soon!
fledge chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
There really aren't enough fics exploring their return. You are doing an absolutely stunning job here, pointing out their very different attitudes and ways of trying to cope. The bow taken away from Susan is a fine symbol of everything slowly slipping away from them. Keep on writing thes vignettes, they are great!
Miniver chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
This story is so good that I even enjoyed reading the reviews, because everyone brought up some delightful detail from the story. There are so many wonderful moments here. Edmund yearning to fix the armor may be my favorite-no, I can't use that word, because each section was my favorite while I was reading it. Lucy not recognizing her mother is spectacular. I hope you have more to say about Narnia, because you have a splendid way of portraying the kids and their surroundings.
Cirolane chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
This was good.

Peter: I liked that he read the newspapers, but didn't tell his siblings-very Peter like. Personally, I would think that he would depend more on his siblings, but your way was portrayed well.

Susan: Susan flaying a rabbit. That's a picture I've never considered before. Of course she would know how to do stuff like that. I always thought that Susan was the runner of the castle.

Edmund: I really liked the bit about the armors. And Lucy and Edmund 'playing'.

Lucy: I really liked Lucy's bit. Especially the part about her not recongnizeing her mother. And I loved it when she slapped her automaticly- one does not do that to a queen.

One note though- I don't think Susan was known as 'High Queen', I think only Peter was High King because it was his birth-right.

I really liked it. I'm wondering why you don't use the chapter option, that way it would be easier to know when you update.
Love and Rock Music chapter 1 . 3/25/2008
Wow! This was interesting, different, and very well done.

The theme of this story reminds me of another similar one, in which the Pevensies let the guard slip and start acting like kings and queens at school. It was very cliché - Peter gives a battle strategy lecture in history class, Edmund rides a difficult horse, and Susan waltzes in her dance class. (I can't remember Lucy's.) Yours is much deeper, and I think rather better than that one. What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that I like it because it's good - but more importantly, not predictable.

I liked that Peter's reaction was mostly physical, and how he has trouble adapting from the hale and hearty physique of the High King. "The stink of burning giant-flesh had suddenly come back to him, and that was when he knew - he was becoming a child in more than appearance." -That's a good line.

Susan's was favorite because it was so unconventional. Just the first line! "Susan brought a rabbit into the house and was well over halfway done skinning it before the Macready found her." -Many authors like to portray her as a total priss, but just because she didn't like battle that much doesn't mean she was useless. And Susan was as Narnian as any of them, so it makes sense that she could do that sort of thing as well. It was refreshing to read about Susan doing something interesting, other than dancing around or mourning her royal wardrobe.

Edmund's was good as well. I liked that he remembered in a different way than Peter - he's younger, so he copes in a different way. Instead of remembering, he and Lucy "play" that they're still there. And I enjoyed that joke where he realizes one of the suits of armor is wrong, but he doesn't correct it in hopes of the Macready getting embarrassed.

Lucy's was very well done. I love that she doesn't recognize her mother! It's so different from the baby she's always portrayed as in these kinds of stories. But she has grown up, fifteen years' worth of independence without any parents around. "It was the first time that she had been embraced by an adult since the return from Narnia, and she had almost forgotten how small she had become. Mother's hands seemed like huge ungainly paws next to her own dainty white ones." -A very good bit. Poor Lucy has to adjust the most, so it's worse for her than the others.

And I must say, a story doesn't have to be long to carry deep meaning. Great job!
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