|Reviews for The Fifth Race|
| cristhianpas17 chapter 16 . 5/25
Lets write awesome and forget that people have brains reeeeeeee.
That's your history in short .
| macrossboy chapter 16 . 7/26/2017
Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus
| paulmoss chapter 16 . 9/19/2016
Loving this story keep up the good work.
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/22/2016
I like it but by sounds of things the humans are not using the technology as the Asgard hoped I am just curios did you intend it to be like this if so its still my Favourite one yet
| Phoenix4416 chapter 8 . 12/19/2015
Okay, I can't stay quiet any longer, overall you have a good idea for the story so far - note that I have only just finished chapter seven - but damn, does it need some work. I'm not trying to troll you but you need to get a beta to go right back to the start of it and fix the mistakes you've left and you really need to add in some character to the characters, at the very least make the reader actually care about them.
In regards to your mistakes they come in a number of ways such as;
1. You are trying to impress upon the reader an impressive vocabulary and I don't know how you are doing it - maybe checking synonyms in word - but whatever it is please stop, you are using the wrong words a lot of the time and detracting from the story.
2a. If you are going to shorten "Mr." then you drop the period so it becomes "Mr", you absolutely do not drop the "r"
2b. Also in regards to Madame, don't bother shortening it, if you shorten it then some if not most readers will stumble when reading.
3. You are making big mistakes within the story when it comes to the plot, for example; in chapter 7 at the start you state that the cylons are in "the outer system" which - seeing as you were only just talking about the colonials celebrating - makes the reader presume that they are in the same system. However later on you have Tigh state that they are several hundred lightyears out (did you mean several hundred million miles by any chance or even AU).
4a. In regards to the processed algae the colonials have been consuming, you say that the colonials are tired from years of eating it, yet the Ionian nebula episode at most takes place within six months of the fleet visiting the algae planet and switching over to eating algae.
4b. Also by the Ionian nebula episode it as been at most three years since the fall of the colonies not four. There's also a few other areas where you mess up the colonial timeline which is why I seriously suggest getting a beta reader well versed in BSG lore.
5. Some of the plans are really not thought out such as the Kara Thrace plan and the Basestars just sitting there. The Cylons would have engaged Adama then and faked an attack on Kara's viper if only to hide the deception. Then you have Adama visiting her in the brig while the Cylons are still within Dradis range, Adama would not leave the CIC with hostiles so close even for a resurrected Kara - in fact canon Adama held her with a high degree of suspicion when she returned and found it difficult to trust her. Also in regards to ship combat, the Terrans/Tauri would be a lot more mobile in their first battle with the Cylons, it's basic ship warfare that a moving target is harder to hit.
6. You are really detail-heavy at the expense of your story. Don't get me wrong, I love details in a story, I like knowing the finer details such as supplies etc. The problem is you either miss things out or you contradict yourself later on.
7. Energy weapons. Now I know others have said this before but seriously, stop saying lasers as one of the main weapons of the Terrans. In canon ship-to-ship combat they were never used primarily because the energy weaponry they had which was primarily plasma based is far more destructive (if slower). Now I'm not saying the Terrans wouldn't have lasers, by all means they probably would, but they would be mixed in with the point defences since lasers are as fast as it gets so are perfect for shooting down missiles and fighters, against larger ships though they don't have the destructive power of the plasma weaponry.
8. You repeat the same thing. Stop.
9. The BSG characters may as well be different people seeing as how different they are from canon. Take for example when they find out about the Asgard AI (nice touch), there is absolutely no fear whatsoever from the colonials and this is despite the fact that they have been on the run from AI who are intent on destroying them.
There's a lot of other problems in the story, many minor but they do add up. Nevertheless I am determined to finish it because all in all it does look like you do have a generally good idea for a story. All I ask is that you please get a Beta and go through the chapters with them
| jag389 chapter 16 . 9/2/2015
good story. hope you return o it someday.
| mundanebeast chapter 16 . 8/28/2015
Time to pay the piper
| Guest chapter 16 . 5/9/2015
Solar systems are really big. A space probe launched in the seventies took over thirty years to reach the orbital path of Pluto. There is not enough matter in most solar systems to construct the ships necessary for their wreckage to allow a person to hop from piece to piece to the edge of a system would require not millions or even trillions of destroyed ships but some incomprehensible number of them.
| Guest chapter 12 . 4/30/2015
How would a Goa'uld fleet get to another galaxy without using a super gate they do not have the technology to get there in any reasonable time frame.
| Weeeeeee chapter 5 . 4/7/2015
Just out of curiosity, are you Filipino? Secondly you keep using Alteran and Ancient - which one is it that you mean? I also don't understand why they'd use lasers rather than plasma as the main weapons.
| Zomvee chapter 16 . 3/6/2015
I have to ask you no beg you to continue this great story so please do.
Pretty please with a cherry on top.
| Haissan chapter 16 . 2/20/2015
haha! Good Ole ray'ac such a good boy, fun times thanks for posting a new chapter! always a good read cheers mate.
| Olaf74 chapter 16 . 2/1/2015
Poor Poor Jaffas :)
| Andriabow chapter 16 . 1/24/2015
Love the story and wondered if there would be an update anytime soon since it has been awhile. Thanks
| HaywireEagle chapter 1 . 1/23/2015
Honestly. This comes off as G.I. Joe in space or something like that. Not a bad thing in the right mix, but if you super power them right out of the gate. Things are just going to end up being uninteresting when the conflicts just end up being a spank fest.