|Reviews for The One in the Shadows|
| Beezlebubbles chapter 11 . 3/24/2010
Damn... Harry is my idol. I sleep in all classes but cant get a good grade, how you do it Harry? Is the position of my head while sleeping wrong ?
| Beezlebubbles chapter 10 . 3/24/2010
As for the pairings, I would go for Tracey. But Pansy would be interesting, never read a Harry/Pansy.
| Beezlebubbles chapter 9 . 3/24/2010
You should make something when you change scenes or places. Like:
| Beezlebubbles chapter 8 . 3/24/2010
Its clear that Harry is not evil, and by now I wouldnt call him even dark. Hes emotional and nice. Hope to see the change in this. I love dark!HARRY. XD
The only explanation I didnt like here was how Harry discovered Crouch Jr. by legilimens, dont you think that Dumbledore would have discovered it sooner ? Its almost second nature to him to check ppls thoughs. Crouch JR. probably has some defenses. It also was really stupid for Harry to use it against a DADA and not a studend.
| Beezlebubbles chapter 7 . 3/24/2010
Oh Ickle Harrikins got mad cuz his brother made fun of him ? Cmon... you are a seventh year snake and you still show emotion like this in public ? CONTROL IT! So what if your brother insulted you ? You dont even talk to him. Act more like a Slytherin, I heard you are considered their leader. Act like it. Attack them when they doesnt expect and charge someone else.
| Beezlebubbles chapter 6 . 3/24/2010
I though Harry would be more cold, darker maybe. And why, of all houses, that girl he got some interest on would be from Gryffindor!
| Beezlebubbles chapter 5 . 3/24/2010
No.. Draco/Granger... thats arghh! Shes a mudblood and hes from a respectable and wealth famility. Shes a bookworm, bossy and know-it-all. Hes a dads son and spoiled. Its even worse than the Granger/Weasley pairing. And another reason why it would be bad its cuz Granger would hang with him and as he also hang with Harry I would have to write more about that mudblood. XD
| Beezlebubbles chapter 4 . 3/24/2010
He cold send the Basilisk after mudbloods like Granger and kill some others. The book was so bullshit how none died. Always something to refect...
| Beezlebubbles chapter 3 . 3/24/2010
Why would the Notts wouldnt like Daphne? Shes beutifull, intelligent and a pureblood. Some othe reason probably.
| Beezlebubbles chapter 2 . 3/24/2010
I guess he was the one to kill Dear Basilisk ? Or the ingredients are another thing ? ;P
| Beezlebubbles chapter 1 . 3/23/2010
Nice chapter, Im curious to see how different from other twin Harry fics this will turn to be.
| The French Dark Lord chapter 47 . 3/23/2010
A muggle boy held capite by Voldemort as a sacrifice for his dark rituals?
| Shinnyshin chapter 11 . 3/22/2010
Yeah, went through a few more chapters and have to say, I just can't find this story all that...interesting. I mean, your genre is labeled adventure, but so far you haven't made any mention of...anything aside from ridiculously petty schoolyard drama. Like, the stuff we were doing in middle school.
I also flipped through a few of your reviews; despite the opinion of some, I find your author reviews very amusing and humanizing. It's nice to know a little bit about the person behind the keyboard. That said, it's visually very bad when your bold-font author notes are a third of your total chapter. Unfortunately, they were a wee bit more interesting than your story and I found myself scanning through chapters just so I could wish you luck on your college search and see how it went. By the way, the whole process is so ridiculous. And Ivys and other big-names are often terribly overrated-not that they're not good or anything, but people often seek them out for the totally wrong reasons. 's part of why I'm so fond of the liberal arts education.
Anywho, it looks like this isn't the story for me. Your writing seemed prone to hyperbole and overdramatization when the events themselves weren't really...all that interesting or significant. Went to about chapter 15ish (though scanned author notes further on) and found you really weren't doing anything adventury or...fun that captured my interest. Maybe I'll give it another try later and find you've made things much better. Maybe not. Either way, I wish you luck!
P.S. In the future, I'd recommend you plan your stories out a bit more in advance. On paper. With notes. Since it seems you're now a college student, I'm sure you know how necessary that sort of stuff is in order to write a coherent, engaging work. Oh, and you might want a beta for grammar.
| Shinnyshin chapter 6 . 3/22/2010
Decided to pick this story up for a while and see how you carry it.
It's nothing special so far, but it does have potential. You seem to be taking a rather standard Harry-in-Slytherin route, though you mercifully skipped the FAR less interesting and more angstalicious earlier years. Your dialogue is a bit dull and your characters feel like their personalities are kind of on mute-or ridiculously exaggerated in a few cases, but hopefully those'll improve as you get a better feel for your own story.
The one major gripe I do have is your chapter length. After seeing how ridiculously short your chapters have been so far, I had to skip to the end and see if they'd lengthened at all. No such luck. Every time we, the readers, have to click on the next chapter button, it yanks us out of the story, breaking our immersion and losing a lot of mood. Plus it forces you to break your story right there. As is, you're pulling one very short scene per chapter, meaning that your ideas and development is all very...broken. Not fluid at all.
You might seriously consider waiting a bit and piling multiple writing sessions into one chapter. Doing this will not only make your story much easier to read, but probably also improve your writing. Significantly. After all, if you release 10k words at a time, you can get this whole train of ideas going and edit what you've done earlier as you refine your ideas. As is, you're forced to write in these constricting blocks that kill your creativity...and our ability to get into the story.
| MomochiNaruto chapter 28 . 3/22/2010
I got this far before realizing that the Harry you've written is an idiot.
He got more than a few things right, but he has a blind spot where it counts to not have one.