Reviews for The United States Raising Hand Program
Blank Frank chapter 34 . 2/15/2019
Killing off Roxy? Not cool, mate! She and Zane were supposed to flee the island together! Jesus Christ! I'm so doggone done with this you wouldn't believe!
Justin chapter 2 . 10/16/2015
Nice intro to your story! I personally think you did a great job making the characters seem good and realistic at the same time. So far, i have developed a like for Adam, and that's about it. I have developed a dislike for Zane, Chris, and Skylar and Jesse, only due to their inability to stick up for themselves. Mitch is okay, but I hope he's not a main character. Too bland for me. J.C. seems like an interesting character, and I am intrigued as to what the biology teacher has behind all this :D
Guest chapter 7 . 5/26/2015
Lea lost her faith but still prays to the "omnipresent not-there"? Are you a Stephen King fan or is that a major coincidence? That might actually explain why I love your writing style. It is remarkably like King's with its multiple views and narrative style!
jebby chapter 41 . 2/15/2015
i remember
RamkhamhaengTheClimber chapter 17 . 9/28/2013
There can be nothing worse in the world than losing your crotch to bolt cutters. 0_o

You've done an excellent job at frightening and enlightening me so far. I hope this quality of writing moves on further
unodosBRYAN chapter 2 . 9/5/2013
I really enjoyed the first chapter! I'm really liking Mitch a lot so far and I can't wait to see how he develops as the story progresses. Good job. :)
8bitmatter chapter 1 . 5/23/2013
Sorry it's taken such a long time for me to doll out a review for this story. But, as I often say, better late than never.
But seriously, amazing work on what you've created. From what i can gather, you certainly wrote something far better on this site than what you appear to give yourself credit for. I mean, it wasn't infallible by any means, but still damn good. Almost all of your characters i at least found believable/ not one-dimensional. Personal favorites included Zane, Logan, Mare and Peter, Erin, Winston, and Jude. But that's just cherry-picking, many others were worthy of being dubbed sensational.

Though, some i personally didn't like (whether due to blandness, or just being all around bastards) were Adam (for obvious reasons, nobody seems to like him), Luke, Travis and Tristan, Nicole, Enrique, Chris & Eddie, Leana and June. Travis and Tristan i both...just found uninspired when juxtaposed to say, Logan or the Mercedes sisters. Hell, even Luke i found had more depth. Sure he was despicable and a major coward, but i still found him to have more depth than them Igolovosky twins. They weren't bad people, just...i tended to not read them with as much enthusiasm as others, is all. Chris and Eddie were just plain detestable (same with Luke and Adam), June and Leana died without really anything to them, other than being involved in Perry's love triangle. Nicole, other than being Sadie's best friend, i forgot about her around...four-five chapters after her demise.

In spite of a handful of "redshirts", I certainly did get closure from you posting this after nearly 3 years, yet, was astonished by how many of the events turned out. Such as Nathan being the next to die after Peter, or Adam making it to the top 7-8, or Mitch dying within that same timetable. And of course most importantly, Zane being the sole survivor. Whould've thought the character who opened up both the bus scene, and with the classroom orientation wouldn't make it past his arch-enemy anarchist classmate? Certainly not me. Thinking about it though, Jude, Terry, Zane and Mare wouldn't have been my predicted Fab Four, if you will. At least, partially. Jude makes sense as the final antagonist, even Terry to an extent i imagined would be there. But definitely not Zane or Mare...which i commend you for, nice way to have kept us guessing and showing that anyone in the BR could die at anytime. Besides, i personally liked Zane more than Mitch, i just thought because there was so much emphasis on Mitch in the beginning that he would outlast Zane, but hey, kind of glad to have been proven wrong.

Aside from the winner's circle. I also liked how Luke turned out to be, in my opinion, even more of a...motherfucker than Adam, and that's quite an accomplishment as i see it. Like, Luke was honestly the dirtiest coward in any BR fanfic i've read thus far. And i kind of like that, polarizing characters that elicit reactions from the audience is really cool, even if it is in a negative light. Even though Adam was an egotistical smeghead who had a superiority complex and a high-and-mighty sense of aboveness over his "freakish" classmates, i actually would've laughed when Luke met his end at Adam's hands. And laughed even more when Mitch triggered the latter's collar (though felt equally as bad that Mitch had to die simultaneously in order to accomplish said task).

Ultimately though, even in a synopsis, you have still managed to craft an amazing atmosphere even through summaries of events. Like Mare traversing the island and seeing the scenes of death and destruction around her that had occurred for the past three days. Or Adrienne/Amber's fight/death's on the beach, or even merely Just Miguel meandering about in a delusional fugue before being violently bushwhacked by Darren. Great work man.

In conclusion, while i won't deny that this story had it's flaws. It was still an amazing work of fiction that was about as original as an Original Battle Royale could get. Frankly it deserves to be venerated alongside 72 Hours and such as a legendary OBR, characterization and flashbacks and grue equally, sometimes if not, more descriptive than Anthony Marston. Good luck with your career, life, and everything else that i could give condolences to. I would wish to see you again in this fandom, but if that can't be the case, i'm still at least grateful you gave this great sense of closure to your followers with this, and i give you Best wishes for everything.
Wile E. Coyote chapter 41 . 4/12/2013
Fair enough. Life doesn't revolve around fanfiction, and you wrote a fun, decent and emotional BR fanfic. It's a shame it didn't continue, but, oh well. I enjoyed this story and good luck with your theatrical career.
Fomalhaut chapter 41 . 4/7/2013
I'll say a detailed opinion later, for now let it suffice that it's really sad and frustrating that apart from Anthony Marston, I'm the only one who has finished their story. And WILL finish the new one too.
Director Denial chapter 41 . 4/7/2013
I heard from Kelley that this story had been discontinued, so I really didn't expect it to float to the top after so long. I have to admit though, I'm happy and unhappy that it did. Happy in the sense that it did provide closure, which is after all what you were hoping for. Unhappy in the sense that it took away something else, that potential of having so many fantastic ways the story could have gone.

Personally, I did not expect Zane to be the winner. After a hiatus of this long, I find myself struggling to remember what he had done in the game, yet only finding tidbits like being involved in the Chris/Eddie/Preston bloodbath. By contrast, characters such as Erin, Mare, and J.C. have a much longer lasting impression. I remember leaving a review long ago after the Mare-Winston fight, that Mare could be a potential winner. At the point where the story was cut off, I was rooting for Erin and J.C. as the final two - something that sadly didn't come to play, in prose or in your drafts.

I think had everything been written to the end, Luke would have ended up as the most hated character of all times. Trying to convince the others to commit suicide so he could win? Essentially killing J.C.? Actually killing Erin? I would have cheered when Adam, another unlikable character in his own, put that knife in his head.

Another thing that surprised me was how easily the seemingly 'main' characters were dispatched. Prudence, Sadie, J.C., Lea, Erin, Mitch all struck me as characters who could've gone further than they did. By contrast, I wouldn't have expected Zane, Mare, and above all Darren to go as far. The latter especially struck me as a minor villain, and making it into the Final Five... if this were an actual reality competition, you'd have fanbases screaming for his blood. That Jude is the last villain standing though is quite expected and promising in a way.

The final showdown - my god, can you craft an atmospheric scene. The idea of the final two standing, each taking their own harrowing path across the island, encountering their classmates' bodies and scenery where death and destruction had happened... if that's not an apt metaphor for the entire OBR concept, I don't know what is. It's incredibly impactful.

I'm not going to pretend this story doesn't have its flaws, but I think you did create something great here. It's not as complete as it could've been, but that couldn't be helped I suppose. I'm glad your life is now back in order, but at the same time I'm saddened that BR fanfiction no longer has a part in your life. The fandom isn't as active as it used to be, but I'd still urge you to stay, if not as a writer, then simply as a reader, or even someone who occasionally enjoys the stories here. This place has changed a lot, but who knows? You might still like it.
Satir3 chapter 41 . 4/7/2013
Wow. Just... wow.

This was an amazing ending to a very harrowing and breathtaking story. I thought that I'd have to reread the entire thing to get back in the swing of things (because its been years) but I remember just about everyone and their situations because you've made them all memorable. This story was one of the best stories on the site. I'm glad you've come back to shore it up and give us a proper ending.

Zane winning was a shocker. Words cannot express the awe I'm in because of the complexity of this story and the direction you've taken it. It'll be a tough act to follow.

I've followed this story from the beginning and it was a great surprise to see this.

I hope that you are bountiful in your journey, my friend. You have talent, one of the only ones on the site who really do. Keep up the great work. Hope to see one of your plays hit it big (although I'll have no idea which one is yours). Thank you again. It is highly appreciated!

- SF26
EmoMason22 chapter 41 . 4/7/2013
I-I almost couldn't believe what i was reading here...i was just too...both flabbergasted and overjoyed. This... was probably my favorite OBR ever written, just an iota above 72 Hours. And while i was somewhat resigned to the fact that this amazing story of surreal descriptions, lovable and elaborate cast, brilliant character development and more plot twists than Lost would be destined to a fate of isolation within the vast, nebulous catacombs of abandoned fanfiction. Yet another dim part in the back of my mind held out hope that one day this story would be finished, even if Hour 38 was published all the way back in late 2010. What can i say...crazy things do happen. I'm almost immeasurably glad that you have done this, even if you had let the story remain as is i still would be happy. I mean, 309,000 words...that's about 6/7's the way of 72 Hours, and your's was only halfway to that! Great job! To me, it is almost unworthy of simply labeling this as a fanfic, i'd almost want to call it a saga. One that in it's own right deserves to be published and venerated for Battle Royale junkies such as myself to admire throughout the fandom. But, whatever, what can i say that hasn't been said a bajillion times already, one of the best stories i have ever read. And yes, it provided me with more closure then any other piece of literature that i could ever recall reading. Sorry if i've ranted on for so damn long and if it's all just ushy gushy incoherent meandering, it's just...i'm so...just...thank you...thank you so much...Though, that aside...Zane, loved that guy...but i can say most definitely i didn't think he'd win. Thought it would be Mitch or possibly Terry or Nathan. I mean, I guessed it wouldn't be Adam or Miguel, or Mare...just, didn't expect this to turn out how it did. I'm sorry for this, it's just i dolled out this mawkish piece of crap "review" (if it could be called that) the very nanosecond i saw this. So yeah, anyways. That's all i've got to say, i love you for what you've written thus far, love you more for giving all of us the closure and resolve we've all truly craved and desired from this story. And i also wish you the best of luck from the bottom of my heart in terms of college, your major, and whatever you decide to do in your life. If this story is any facsimile or insinuation of how eloquent and intelligent you truly are in real life, i know you're going to make it far. I just know it...good luck, and for one last time: Thank You WaxFactory!
Atsume Miyano chapter 17 . 7/18/2012
I officially claim that I strongly dislike the characters: Lea Passington, Chris Barrister, and Adam Spencers.

One: Lea, how could she just... squeeze him like that? I thought she was actually quite nice and likable, but no- she proved me dead wrong. She wanted to survive for the sole purpose because the game was giving her a shot at doing so. She was judging everybody and how they were 'useless' and 'weeds', but for PETE'S SAKE! She should look in the mirror! I mean, come on, you don't judge a book by the cover. She should be judged for everything for she's done. I hope she gets like shot and paralyzed for the rest of the game or detonation by collar or something! She judges everyone else but she can't seem to see what's wrong with her (even though she was proud she was crazy.) It's not sickening, but it's just... I can't describe it. Meyerhold was innocent, but no, she put that thing down his mouth and squeezed! Gawd, I just want to jump in here and pimp slap her. I will be waiting if Darren (even though I hope it's Lea) finishes her. I promise you, when she's about to die, I'll be like, "FINISH HIM." Mortal Combat Style!

Two: I hate Chris because look what he's doing to poor Zane! Letting him sit near a tree that he urinated on? What a sick bastard. I hope Preston get's the hope and confidence to kick him in the cohones! Preston seems like a good boy, but I hate to see him get smacked around by Chris and his other lackey (forgot his name). I was surprised when he shot him in the arm. I was like, "YESS!" but then.. "Awwweeh.." when Chris beat him. I was hoping Preston would shoot Chris and other lackey dead, escape with Zane, and maybe.. just MAYBE form an alliance with Zane.

THREE: I hate Adam! How could he leave Mitch like that! I hope they repair their relationship. Mitch didn't know poor Adam. He just judges like Lea almost. Mitch didn't know where to go from there. He needed someone to trust. Adam just basically left him like everyone else did in his life: walk out on him. Well, I probably would've left too but not before warning anybody!

I like that you mentioned the original characters from Koushun Takami's Battle Royale. It's very nice and refreshing. I miss Shogo. Aww, Shuya died? Well, he's happy that Noriko got to live at least. He kept the promise he made to Nobu. Oh yeah, in my first review I mean to say that Erin would be Noriko and Adam is Nobu and Mitch is Shuya, so Adam/Nobu would entrust Mitch/Shuya to protect Erin/Noriko, yadda yadda ya, but it seems that we might see Mitch and Terry fall in love. I mean, they balance each other out in a good way. She's nice once you really get to know her. I laughed when she slapped J.C. I was so shocked for Demi when she kissed Jude. I felt bad for Perry, not telling Leana that she loved her. Those balloons were for her.. that's just sad. As always, I love your story. Keep up the good work! I wish you would update, because from all the fanfictioners on here.. you haven't updated . You haven't ended the story, have you? I'm hoping that you do. Noriko in America? YES! TAKE THAT JAPAN! But, please come back to this story. We're all HWAITING for this story to continue.
Atsume Miyano chapter 13 . 7/18/2012
I seriously think Lea Passington's mind is cruel. But I also feel a little sympathy for her. She wanted to believe in something, but she couldn't find the faith or continue on or something. What her aunt did to her was brutal and uncalled for, but that's why I like your story. In other stories, some characters are undeveloped and just there for the readers eyes to pass over because we don't care about them unless they affect us. But every single character you make is going to affect me. It sounds ridiculous, but that's how it will be. I think Lea is messed up for wanting to kill Mitch just because he's shy and secluded. I mean honestly, did she ever think of WHY he was shy and secluded? There's a story behind it, just like Terry said.

Everyone has a story for why they are who they are. Unless someone is really that good and a therapist, maybe they can change them. I understand your reason for the whole 'what the games does to people's mind' thing. It makes a bit of sense. There are some people on this island who want to be helped, and others who NEED help. But you can only get help if you truly want it. I feel bad for Darren's Down Syndrome (I think he's the one who has it). He has the mind of a kindergarten kid. But it's sad how some people are actually playing the game; but if you think about it, you DO need to play because what's going to get done? It would've been a bit boring if all the 41 students had come together to take revenge on the school- some want to play the game because if they don't, they don't get to go home or lounge around and continues their life. Life doesn't go on for you if you die and the Program- only for the winners.

I'm really starting to think about what Sadie said. Some of the winners might not actually get to go home and sleep peacefully- even if they do, they should feel a little bad for how they came out on top while their classmates had died- when they actually might die anyways. So there probably is no winner. But to me, everyone is a winner. I felt bad knowing about what Luke did. Why would he participate in the game? There HAS to be some kind of reason why he would do that. I kind of got a bit upset with Luke, but not that much as Mitch did. Mitch wanted to kill him for what Luke did (send the whole class to their deaths because he wanted to sign up) and I sort of understand. Even though some of the students are just stuck up and assholes in some part of every student's mind, probably due to stereotype, they were still human beings.

Honestly.. Mitch is a confusing character to me. He has a complicated personality. I like his backstory, but I don't really understand his comments/statements.. It seems frustrating to understand him- but overall, that's what adds to the plot I guess. I think he's the Shuya of this, Terry is the Noriko/Shogo of this, Adam is the Yoshitoki Kuninobu of this, Luke is the Shogo Kawada (I put both of them down as Shogo because it seems they have a little braveness in them, even though Terry's is more) and that's it. I could probably be wrong thinking that your characters must be a counterpart to the original Battle Royale, but... ARRRGHH- my mind is playing tricks on me! Overall, I love and adore your story! It's very descriptive, it completes all the elements it needs, it characters are amazing, and your ideas are simply breathtakingly gorgeous! GAWL- I adore you! *Ahem* keep up the good work.
Atsume Miyano chapter 3 . 7/15/2012
Wow. I'm guessing that you've read Koushun Takami's Battle Royale book! But I was honestly sad when Kevin died. He had Cerebral Palsy, what is wrong with Mr. Burke? Gosh, you make an awesome remake of the Battle Royale in an American form. Kevin was honestly innocent.
I love the way you portray the character's emotions. The characters in the book are so helpless because they believe they can trust someone, but honestly, they cannot. Mae had emotions like Kevin and she wanted to live like everyone else. It's sad how, "Life flashes before your eyes," happened to her. I already like Jude. He is basically the Kazuo Kiriyama of this book, ain't he? Secondly.. why does is say in a earlier paragraph that Jude had red hair, but then it changes to blonde hair? I know.. I know I'm an idiot for pointing out something so minor, but I look for details. But the good thing is that I'm caught up in this book, (it should be one!) and that I'm remembering every single detail. You describe the book like Koushun Takami did with the characters (adding backstories and such).
I thought Adam was going to die like Yoshitoki Kuninobu did in the beginning (I have to admit, Nobu and Kazuo were very hot!) but he didn't. I thought it was going to be the same thing where Nobu said he liked Noriko, (I guess there is no counterpart for Noriko or either she hasn't been introduced yet..) and Adam said that he thought he had a chance with Erin (I think) and then he would give his wish to Adam (Whom I'm guessing is Shuya's counterpart, if there are counterparts in here) that Adam would protect Erin, sort of like how it happened in Battle Royale.. (Except Nobu didn't tell Shuya that.)
What I also like about this is that you describe the setting, the emotions -I think I've said that a lot by now- the description of the kills and the way they imagine, exaggerate, how they function and how they anticipate and other things. Point is: I love you! You're doing a wonderful job and I highly praise you and that this should be sent in for people to read and then you get famous! Haha, but you rule this story LIKE A BOSS. NO JOKE. Okay.. time for me to stop because I bet I'm getting on your nerves.
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