Reviews for Undercover
Earl Allison chapter 5 . 1/11/2011
Okay, I HAD to read this, since you left off last chapter the way you did, and you DID IT AGAIN! Well, I have to actually do some work, so I'll have to wait on Kim's injury.

Great, GREAT visuals on the entire action scene, from Kim's bruises to Ron's 'Jack Bauer' quip to the reminder of Kim's tenure as a soccer coach.

You really did great at placement of the people, the action, everything. I really could see it playing out in my head.

And the romantic tension is still there, ramped up by Ron's desire to protect Kim and not see her hurt.

I'll be interested to see what, if anything, Global Justice can bring to the table.

Thanks for another great read!

Take it and run,
Earl Allison chapter 4 . 1/11/2011
Curse you! Leaving off on a cliffhanger like that :)

Lots of nice little tidbits in this chapter, too. Kim is really seeming to start entertaining (consciously, unconsciously she's been there for awhile) the idea of romantic entanglements with Ron.

Ron has some nice insights, too.

I enjoyed the comments on Bonnie, from the third-grade gum incident to Ron observing that Bonnie just needs a best friend - I know a lot of people make that friend Tara.

Interesting that Kim thinks Bonnie is prettier and more popular, hopefully the moment at Junior Prom will put the latter to rest, anyway. As to the former, IMHO Bonnie is a more blatant pretty, but both are equally gorgeous in different ways (at least in my admittedly-biased eyes).

Thanks for the read!

Take it and run,
Earl Allison chapter 3 . 1/7/2011
So the truth comes out, Kim’s overcompensating for the Moodulator by trying to clamp down on every emotion, and really, she should know better.

Praphrasing what Leia said in the original Star Wars, the more you tighten your grip, the more emotions (star systems) slip through your fingers.

You can’t control emotions, even Spock knows that :) But it’s very Kim-like for her to try anyway.

Nice to see the other side of Ron, that he can rise to Kim’s level and do so without making her look ineffective (or rubbing her nose in it as some other authors do), and especially nice that Kim has finally revealed the sitch with the ‘M’ word to him (and to us). Nice to see that there were lingering effects.

I suppose she and Ron should BOTH consider themselves lucky. As much as Kim thinks she’d be shopping for home pregnancy kits, can you imagine the fallout had it been Bonnie or Shego who was pursuing Ron? I doubt they’d work with him or even talk to him, ever again.

Thanks for another great read!

Take it and run,
Earl Allison chapter 2 . 1/5/2011
Wow, poor Kim is running hot and cold, isn't she? The Moodulator and the Bobby Johnson sitches seem to have really rocked her, and she's partly taking it out on Ron, partly on herself. Man, she's really smarting, here.

Meanwhile, Ron is vacillating between thinking everything Kim is doing is his fault, and then thinking that Kim actually and sincerely believes that no one can be better than her at anything. I hope that's not the case, but I will wait and see.

The bit with the eyebrows was a nice touch, and breakfast started out really nicely, but went downhill pretty fast. It's like they get close for a moment, and then one of them almost deliberately torpedoes things with a comment or expression.

Liked Kim's talk with Monique, nice foreshadowing of what could come at the prom with Brick.

I'm really enjoying this, and very much interested in where it all goes.

Thanks so much!

Take it and run,
Earl Allison chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Hi! I've heard a lot about this story, so I can't wait to read more of it. Lots of tension between Kim and Ron so far, and thoughts of Bobby Johnson that could cause trouble, too.

Hope Kim gets her head back in the game soon! And the tension ... you could cut it with a knife (cliche, I know, but really fitting here). And Kim really seems to have manipulated Ron over the years, what with the kissing and all :)

Thanks for a great read so far!

Take it and run,
Yamal chapter 28 . 11/6/2010
A fabulous story. You came up with a rather strange crossover combination, but it worked thanks to a great writing style. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the awesome work. _
Rye-bread chapter 2 . 8/19/2010
I started reading this tale when it was just a few chpt's long. Levelord over at DeviantArt had done some pic's on Kim and Ron in Star's Hollow, so I was intrigued. But the dialogue seemed too convoluted, so I set it aside.

I revisited it last week and was blown out of my socks. I read it in one sitting. I will try and impart what kind of impression.

I review at chpt 2 because that's as far as I got the first time. I see my problem. I had to dig through the dialogue. I'm used to scanning lines and picking up the gist of a KP fanstory. Lazy reader, I guess.

I've read my share of fanlit. And sometimes review with my tongue in my cheek-or at least biting it. "Great story!" I have my share of those. And I've left my share of those.

2 of my fave KP fanauthors from my early days are MrDrP and Captainkodak. The former captures the insouciant tone of the show. The latter captures the 'shippiness, and sets the bar for the rest of KP fanliterature.

I had to finish going through my divorce and resolve what I call my Compleat KP Ignorance by watching all the episodes on ITunes and Youtube before I could properly appreciate this tale.

There is an author-Mattk-who has written a tale of Homeric epic proportions in his Bleeding Out-Bleeding Through cycle. He merges a distillation of historical mythos into the KP mythos. This tale does the same with interpersonal dialogue

These reviews from your own profile say it all.

MrDrP: “I can place it among the best KP fan fics on this site. This story had it all: a complex and compelling plot, characters I cared about, humor at all the right moments, romance, action, and some very enjoyable cliffhangers.”

Screaming Phoenix: “This is what Fan Fiction is all about. This is why it exists and why if it didn’t it would have to be invented. No show, no matter how well intentioned, could show the passion, the rich characterizations, and the attention to detail that this has.”

Slipgate: "One of the happiest and most wonderful bits of Kim and Ron pairing I've ever read."

This story incorporates Season 4 material-but it surpasses the dumbed-down Season 4 Ron on so many levels. This is profound stuff. This is human characterization on almost on a Shakespearean level. All that's missing in the Elizabethan verse and phraseology. Kim's heroine status is not compromised to make Ron look more impressive. Ron is not cheapened for humor's sake.

Is Michael Howard destined to be a KP version of Harper Lee or Margaret Mitchell? Known for just one story? Part of my hopes not. This is undeniable talent. And yet part of me hopes so (which strange to say) There's something pristine about a writer's entire corpus being comprised of one fantastic work-not little unfinished things that you have to chase down and try to read. A body can exhaust themselves trying to absorb all of Twain or Hemingway or whoever. And some of the stuff is drivel. But, as Mr. Barkin often intones: "Classic". An author like-cited earlier-Homer has assured his fame for the rest of foreseeable history with two compositions.
Slipgate chapter 2 . 4/21/2010
(Warning: Review is from someone who has read the whole story)

I kind of react to different things here as I go down the chapter.

So we're now on Saturday morning. Three days left of the four in the story. (I'm tracking this exhausting weekend's progress.)

I only just noticed that this chapter is called "Second Honeymoon." Hmm... Seems deliberate. I wonder what the first was?

If Ron's allowance was advanced to him to spend on this mission, I feel for him. I remember when he ended up paying for some of their rides on the Team Impossible escapade. It's also interesting to note what Ron's perceptions of Kim are when unchecked by what he's saying out loud... and you see how he thinks so highly of Kim.

I like that he doesn't have to explain where his "Is the TV broken?" question came from... they seem to know and understand each other enough to get the unspoken gists almost all the time - which is good to see.

It's interesting that Kim is not yet fully realizing her restful night's sleep is THANKS to Ron (she partially realizes this) but that Ron also not yet fully realizing that her insomnia is not because of him (and then again, it is, but not in the way he expects). But it's heartbreaking that Ron thinks so lowly of himself that he thinks "As if being forced to publicly kiss me... wasn't punishment enough." And Kim sometimes does digs at him without fully realizing it, though fortunately she apologized (in as much verbosity as she can) for the 'shaving' digs she did in this chapter.

Just in the sense of being a classy boyfriend, Ron being upset with himself for staring at her chest for a moment can be understood... and it can be understood even better when you consider that at the moment he's not her boyfriend but her friend. Still, my heart goes out to Ron for being so demeaning of himself. This includes the scene later when he's upset with himself for the urge to peek down her shirt and the feeling that she'd be disgusted what a 'good friend' he's been. It's rough to have gone through a tough time with your best friend that you rely on only three weeks prior, even if it wasn't an intimate moment. This is all the worse because it was an intimate moment.

The idea that Ron offered to keep away for a bit is one of those interesting double-edged swords. It's great that he offered to try to help settle the awkwierdness, but it's too bad that it probably gave Kim the wrong impression about his feelings.

The shaving is a little example to eventually intrude on Kim that Ron isn't 100% just the boy she grew up with, that there's a man there. The digs weren't very nice, but she realized how witchy she was being and apologized in her way.

Still, the image of Kim in close proximity to Ron in a hotel bathroom and running a hand on his jawline while still insisting they're just friends - that's some delusions she's got there. :)

"You just weren't there to see it." (realize, reboot, restate) "Uh, I mean you weren't awake to be aware of it." I get a kick out of this every time.

The description of when their faces are in close proximity is excellent here, as it is in all the other situations that happens in this fic. I love the weirdness of trying to lean in and work on the eyebrows of a friend who was kissing you not three weeks ago, and how that can sort of play with your perceptions. The breath on his face and his internal comments about her nose are sweet passages.

The way you write Ron, his comment about the Kimmunicator not needing to eat was probably just a way to say it didn't need to be at the breakfast table that, unlike their usual familiar conversation (like the first "TV broke" line) but that in this case didn't go over well and she thought he was being serious. It was a failed attempt at one of his mood-disarming redirections. Maybe.

Her overly harsh "set up a brain scan" comment was rejoindered with a joke from him that did manage to defuse her mood.

The interruption of the little girl is hilarious in both its innocence and awkwardness.

Although Jennifer and her parents served their story purpose (helping the introduction to Lorelai and making it so that the hotel felt they owed them stuff gratis) it's too bad that there are no further interactions with them in the story, considering they're just a few doors down. Still, it's good to know that Jennifer and her family had a normal vacation in Stars Hollow getting to remain perhaps ignorant of all that was going on in the quaint town that weekend... like Kim and Ron had probably wished had been able to be true of Rory. Sometimes when you're done with a character you're done with it and only contrivance would pull them back into use. Contrivance is one of those school words, but it's one that usually has negative connotations.

The attempt to avoid saying 'no big' is the easiest aspect of this undercover assignment in terms of Kim's play-acting...

I'm assuming the Bar Assocation crack is dealing with lawyers getting ready to go all spaz on the Dragonfly if something were to happen that they could get their mitts on and make look bad?

Poor Kim's embarrassed about misstating the familial connection, but if anything she gave a compliment. And Kim's not fully on her turbines here since chastity/Prom Night is an obvious joke, but the Gilmores don't know that Kim's angsting about the very idea of Prom Night already. (Funny that she almost took that step on Prom Night but for her paramour's good sense.)

Ron's actually clever in that he managed, while Kim was in utter confusion, to try to redirect the conversation with Lorelai and Rory to be mission-related. That was actually a REALLY clever moment to introduce Sookie's name, both for Ron in-character and for the author. It was a good moment to insert the information (with Kim asking) instead of being a "let's stop the story forward motion" info-dump.

I can't help but bring to mind the season 4 coupon book in Kim's aggravated comment about the kiddie menu.

"Ron thought if he was to ever date a woman as beautiful as Kim and she sent him a smoldering look like that, he would spontaneously combust." Get ready to combust, Rondo.

The breakfast scene is nice because it has Ron smiling of confidence where he knows what he's doing (food) unlike when he's tearing himself down. But man, you get me to look up things sometimes, don't you? First you reminded me by way of looking it up that The Monkees first did 'And then I saw her face'... and now you had me look up what an emetic was not long after eating. :)

The double-entendre Kim fell into (don't try for two) was excellent. Something about its execution was fresher than the kinds of movies that might recycle such a scene. And somehow it works even better in text, since we get to see Ron's ignorance to what's making Kim blush. (Ron IS smarter than he lets on in your fic, which is always interesting... and is seeable in the series given how Ron communicates sometimes... but when he doesn't know about something, boy he doesn't...)

I don't know if I've ever said this, but I sort of mentally "image" this breakfast scene. I picture the wig like the one she wore in So the Drama, imagine the nose ring, imagine the "combusting" look, and I imagine her with darkly red cheeks when she blushes at seeing Lorelai behind her.

I like Kim's cheerleading habits actually inserting into other things, like her reaction to the toothpaste.

The "pushing phone into his pocket" silence is one of those awkward moments that you set up so wonderfully between them.

Kim's comment about wondering if Harry's last name is Stoppable is one more of those digs at Ron due to her own insecurity that Kim ends up apologizing for later.

I've commented (I think in PM) about how Ron clearly thinks he's not what Kim wants since Luke Danes is the kind of guy she calls a hottie.

Doose's Market, eh? And the informant was Taylor Doose.

Kim's ruminations on Bonnie and the "food chain" of high schools are poignant... it's a shame that in her pain following these events she did fall into Bonnie's trap while looking for someone to love her.

It's funny that her observation about the make-out couple is an observation her fellow cheerleaders will make of her in a few weeks (when the couple is leaving).

The sudden bitterness of Monique, the life preserver comment, all of it... just so wrenching to experience for someone who knows the future (as any readers of this fic technically should).

The Brick losing hair comment recalls A Sitch in Time.

The "thunk" subject-dropping moment made me realize that you're really capturing a teenage girl conversation well. Well done.

It's nice to see Kim legitimately complimenting Ron... though part of the cover story, he really did teach that high school class and she's giving props about it.

Aw man, you've got me imagining Ron cooking for Kim now! That _would_ be stimulating.

I hope college doesn't part Kim and Ron like Rory and her boyfriend...

Jack London's "soul mates" and the Florida sitch will come back later...

I wonder what Rory thinks (if she ever gets the time to think back on it) of Kim's reaction to Ron's apparent 'philandering' later when she learns their true nature?
Pinky Jo Curlytail chapter 28 . 4/13/2010
Reading this story was, to borrow a metaphor from Kim, a rollercoaster ride. A ride that I was, admittedly, hesitant to get on in the first place. Thankfully, seeing it on so many people's list of favorites finally broke me down. And to stretch the metaphor a little further, I found it well worth the price of admission.

It's a testament to your skill as a writer that even though the ending was essentially a foregone conclusion, that did nothing to diminish the tension whatsoever. Instead I found myself often desperately clinging to the fact that I *knew* Kim and Ron were going to live and get together (somehow).

I was particularly affected by Chapter 23. The letters all felt exactly like what Kim would write in that situation, and it was perfectly heartbreaking to read them and hope that none of the people they were addressed to would ever have to... while knowing that even if they didn't, the writer would never be the same. Powerful stuff.
Slipgate chapter 1 . 4/4/2010
(This review is from someone who has read this whole story and is now commenting on it. Readers may want to read the story first.)

It's funny to me to see Kim make the comment about Jane Austen's Emma and how she's clueless about who the right guy is for her. There's some amusement to be gotten for us readers who know what the future holds for Kim.

I like how you can have the characters communicate in body language - either intended words or intended mood - without saying anything out loud. There is a lot of this in this story, and the first example is the "tight smile" and "pointed glance" after making Kim feel not-so-fantastic about the fact that she still has 'assigned reading.' Yes, I'm commenting on a most minor example, but it still jumped out at me that she did that instead of saying something like "and I still have to do it."

The joke about Rufus as second in command is one of those touches that helps me connect this with the series, because that sort of deadpan and snark was present in the series to some degree.

It's kind of sad to see that Kim feels best friends don't need to compliment each other, since part of the problem they seem to have developed that gets shaken out by the end of the story is that she's not sure Ron feels complimentary about her in certain ways and vice versa, and those compliments could've been a dose of clarity for them both.

I can't help but snigger as they talk about their plans for the break... considering what ends up happening between "now" and their break.

Poor Kim's worried about how people view her (the taxi scene being an example of this). She'll work on this issue...

Kim hesitated because she didn't want to be the bride putting the ring on first. (I didn't pick up on that the first time.)

I like how they already know what they're doing without saying it, as far as setting up the chairs as a bed goes. People who are family or who know each other well don't need to communicate at such times, and Kim and Ron are in the latter camp.

It's interesting to see their conversation when they're teasing each other, knowing they are actually on eggshells with each other, and wondering if any of that teasing gets "taken to heart" - like the 'not after they spend any time with you!' comment Kim makes about the three-day honeymoon. I guess I say this because I'm hesitant about teasing in my own personal relationships because I, at least, can eventually wonder if someone WAS getting a dig in on me.

It's too bad how Kim was deluding herself about Bobby only being sullen for this "legitimate" reason when he really is just sullen.

Bobby Johnson is awesome to hate. He gets Kim to suggest "us" in one way, then plays her heartstrings intentionally.

I see now that it's not just that she was interested in Bobby (she had thought no guy would be interested for the remainder of the year) but that there seemed to be a guy who was willing to overlook it and then it turned out he was twisting the knife. That would certainly put her in a mood that would affect the weekend on top of the post-Moodulator debates raging in her head... and it makes what Erik does later be a "third strike" in your universe. Ouch.

"Sometimes the injuries that hurt the most are those we inflict upon ourselves." Is this part of the message of the story? :)

"Man, KP, speak up!" - maybe THAT too is the message :).

I love the conversation with Ron and how he makes her feel so much better. I'm curious about the "real" first mission if it wasn't Mr. Paisley. The bank heist? Maybe not, she wouldn't have had an opportunity to throw up three times before the burglars tagged her. :P Maybe this is something that could be written about - not necessarily needing to tie it into Undercover as such.

Ahh yes, the lack of communication since Fifth Grade. That and needing to feel like she puts up a front with him of supercapability and not confess her fears dating back to Sophomore year when she was subconsciously angry that he wasn't willing to be with her.

One last thing - in this chapter and in many others I love how you flesh out Kim and Ron's adventures. In the series, there are a finite number of escapades shown, and part of knowing about Kim Possible's far-ranging influence are the events you "hear" about instead - the ones she gets the favors for, which only sometimes have corresponding episodes. This is good because it lets fan authors insert missions in without it interfering with canon in any way whatsoever. The undercover mission where they'd gone to Lowerton is a great example of you doing that here, and the best part is that you give MORE information than the series gag does. The Monkey Fist Thailand thing and some missions or escapades mentioned in later chapters of this story (like with the GJ staff) further give the impression that Kim and Ron do a hell of a lot even beyond this adventure and the ones in episodes. That's good stuff.

CRITICISM: You said "An cousin" instead of "a cousin" named Amy. :) Since I shouldn't just praise, I should admit this most minor of typos jumped out at me.
Onizuka Inc chapter 28 . 3/10/2010
This is a huge understatement, but since I'm tired right now and spent literally the entire morning and most of the afternoon reading this, let me sum up the fic in one word:





or Good even...

I literally was unable to accomplish anything else today in my eagerness to finish this piece. While I tend to enjoy more romantic interludes in my fics, I greatly enjoyed Kim's evolving inner monologue throughout the production as well as the many influences you pulled out of yourself

I'd love to see this made into an actualy production, but sadly it will never happen (unless, of course, you can wrangle up some incredible copycats to produce it yourselves 'free of charge'/'donations only')

Keep up the awesomeness
Midgarosormr chapter 28 . 8/15/2009
This was amazing man. Are you writing a sequel based on Season IV?
SilverChelle chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
Hi. I read your first chapter after I found you through FictionPress (I'm GoldieHotcakes there.) and I wanted to say this is amazing so far! I don't know when I'll have time to read more of it, but I hope to because it has perfect Ron and Kim characterizations and dialogue. I could picture them saying everything in my head. Awesome job!
tymofey chapter 28 . 5/15/2009
I'm not sure if I can describe this story the way it deserves to. Here is my best attempt:

"The purest awesomeness in all it's amazing glory..."

I wish I colud do some constructive criticism but I just can't find any faults. The epilog behaves like a standalone oneshot and could be separated, though I see the rest of the story kinda explains Kim's and Ron's emotional states to that point so we can understand them. You are quite skilled writer it's obvious this isn't your first story. If it is than it means you have a gift of a writer, the amount of reviews you have (400) tells alot. I hope you are going to continue writing fanfiction and let people enjoy it. :)
Mily chapter 28 . 2/13/2009
Excellent, excellent read! You have a definite talent for writing, great work!
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