|Reviews for Kingdom Hearts: Genesis of Destiny|
| AKAAkira chapter 50 . 4/4/2012
Several months ago I left a review promising to finish the whole story and then review again. I...kinda finished this for a while now, just didn't have the incentive/time to review until now, though, so sorry 'bout that. On the other hand, I'm going to hope you're still hanging around, 'cause this review is quite a mouthful and it'll be a shame to be left unread in an email inbox.
Well, overall I'd say this is an OK fiction. There were some parts I thought you did good, some parts I thought you did not so well, some parts that I think is both good and bad, and some parts I just found funny.
I'll start with the last first. On your profile I keep seeing you rant about KHII - except, I seem to keep seeing its influence more and more. If I remember right, there's the Pride Lands you covered, which was KHII-only world, right? And the organization of the Immortals just seem to follow Organization XIII at heart - you've even made comparisons to Demyx, and both the Immortals and the new Nobody organization had thirteen members.
One of the stuff about this that's kind of off-putting is the length of the chapters. As a reader, of course I like the longer, more stuffed ones - but there's still a limit to how much one is willing to take at once. Heck, if you divided most chapters into even two, that would've bumped up your review count a lot, I reckon. Not only would they give more opportunity to review, it would've kept this story within the first few pages of the archive, not to mention leave the chapters at chunks that are easier to give a look-over to.
As well, one thing I gave you a thumbs-up before was the descriptions, and the details, I think. While that's usually good, I think I kept on seeing them as large blocks at once, which is again off-putting to some. Two methods to counteract that might be: keeping the description more general, noting only the worthy stuff and leaving the rest to the imagination; or, describe them in tandem with the action (a general example is, when describing new Keyblades, describe the handle, and then the blade as the character is in the action of pulling it out, or describe the blade first from the POV of the enemy whacked by it, and then have them note the handle).
A few things that I disliked mainly had to do with exploring characters in-depth. For example, the chapter where Starxys dies - you've admitted yourself that chapter wasn't up to snuff, so I was kinda annoyed you haven't thought to leave it for a while to work on it some more. Quality is just as important, if not more, than quantity in stories.
Also, in that Final Fantasy XII town (that I forgot the name of), if you're having characters make cameos, don't force them into it. Either involve them into story more fully, or dismiss the minor appearances that weren't even necessary. Penelope and Vaan (I think that's they're names), for example, was absolutely useless in the fact that they gave no bigger impression of the battle that had been going on at the time, than was already stated. A slightly more warranting mention of them is they accidentally got involved in the battle somehow and was noticed by a main character - like, if they were nearly run over by the fighters.
Other than that, watch out for homophones.
What I liked best was definitely the credits. Funny thing is, I've been using my Nintendo 3DS to read, so when that chapter came the sentences actually looked like square boxes of text, with just the right amount of spaces between them, just like the real credits do. Another thing that's a plus is the enormous repertoire of enemies and allies you've managed to keep contained in your head, which I certainly haven't managed yet. And finally, of course, was the plot twist of the three Cassiuses - sure didn't see that one coming.
I think that's all I have to say for now...though, as mentioned, it *had* been a while since I read this. If I remember something else, I'll come back and bump up your review count again. Until next time, then. Good lucking on your writing ambitions.
| willotaku9000 chapter 2 . 12/2/2011
"Maybe not so much Kairi but I now you and I.." Should be "Know" but I like the story!
| willotaku9000 chapter 1 . 12/2/2011
| JayDex chapter 50 . 8/15/2011
Alright...I honestly do not know how to start this, however I will start by apologizing. Apologizing to not reading this story sooner! I mean, where has this story been! This...this is truly a work of art! The story was by far the greatest work of literature I have read on fanfiction. Please forgive me for not finding this story. I swear I would've reviewed every chapter. So instead I spent three days reading all 50 chapters. I laughed, I grew sad, I got angry, I loved this story! All the references to Bleach and Full metal Alchemist was amazing! The Hollow Heartless, the immortals, all amazing! Sora and the other characters, Dayne and Marina, the parents, everything was so new and exciting! Your battle descriptions were so vivid and I was able to paint a picture in my head for every single time. Though I must say I was HIGHLY disappointed in the defeat of Kaiser and starxys -sigh- BUT I will also say I did enjoy them throughout the story before their utter demise. What else can I say? Hmm to be honest I am confused about Ventus' role in the story...I mean...what was he doing? I think I might've missed something but it seems like he was there in the story at some point but in a disguise...I hope you can clear that up for me. Now, I shall make you a promise: since I wasn't there while you wrote this story to offer reviews and support I promise you, I will read and review this story's sequel every 3 chapters. This is the least I can do. And let me just say, I understand you went through alot while writing this story, but let me congratulate you for pushing through. Thank you for a wonderful read
| AKAAkira chapter 18 . 7/23/2011
Been a while since I reviewed, so I may as well do it now to up your count and tell you I'm still in this. Slowly, but I'm still reading.
The sheer magnitude of the plot is pretty amazing, what with everything from the Immortals and the Fell Souls to the new Nobodies to the (obvious attraction of every KH fanfic, which would be the) SoraxKairi situation. At this point I'm gonna have to apologize, because I honestly can't keep the appearances of all the new enemies in my mind. '
Dunno if you're still doing this, but be careful of homonyms. The one I seemed to notice most is "our"s, which are usually supposed to be "are"s.
The action is generally pretty well described, what with looking at each fighters' situations in order, and having a pretty good repetoire (I hope I spelled that right...) of vocabulary and rhetorical devices. Some things though, are just a little ridiculous, even with the *acting out of game scenes*.
I'm sorry I'm dedicating an entire paragraph to this, but the one that I have a personal beef with? Ed's "wind friction" lightning. The physicist in me has so many problems with this that I honestly lost a lot of respect to the alchemist, who should know way better, for attempting something this stupid. First off, there's two things called "Need Friction" and "Wind's Friction Need Speed". Honestly, air only has accountable friction for fast objects proportional to their mass, and besides which, alchemy is supposed to change, rather than move. Then there's the problem of accumulation. Not even considering the scattering of molecules, if you run two winds together at one point the "rubbing" moves across the wide "surface" of each wind. Unless you specifically used a "ball" of air you're keeping whatever charge you might have accumulated so far extremely weak and very spread out. Oh yeah, the absolute fundamentals - no two same objects rubbed together can create a charge that polarizes significantly. Have you ever rubbed wool against wool and got a charge? Maybe if we were in a different dimension. It has to be wool against ebony, or feet agains carpet, or pants across plastic slide for charge to go a specific one way. Then, and only then would the charge go if hand touch hand. Or maybe hand against metal doorknob, which leads me to the diffusion problem - any potentially charged air molecules are going to immediate attract to uncharged molecules in close proximity, including dust specks, uncharged air molecules, the ground, or Ed's metal extremities. To top all of that off, induced charges were pitifully weak to begin with - they only sting because they're unexpected and comparatively many ampoules pass in a few milliseconds. Even if, say, two tornadoes colliding against each other at a point where charges actually accumulate for a couple of hours, my guess is that the joules gained are only enough to light a normal incandescent light bulb. For fifteen seconds if lucky.
Really it would've been better to create a small tornado - two winds colliding in opposite directions makes a tornado, it would've been much more feasible. If you wanted the lightning, it makes more sense to transmute a bunch of electrons directly to polarize, before nearing them to Ed's enemy and then letting go. Kinda like a slingshot.
I apologize for the rant. I had to say it somewhere.
A premature comment maybe, but congrats for finishing your fiction. I'll get there someday.
| asb227 chapter 22 . 7/3/2011
I loved the intro scene. Things like that make me crack up, and that's saying something. Good job with the story so far.
| Shifuni chapter 50 . 6/29/2011
Wow, Can't wait. :D
| Shifuni chapter 49 . 6/29/2011
Well, interesting Credits.
| Shifuni chapter 48 . 6/29/2011
Wow, can't believe it's over. Wow. Best Chapter :D
| Shire Folk chapter 48 . 6/28/2011
Sorry I didn't review, it's just that there were three fricking chapters you posted simultaneously and I wasn't sure which one I wanted to leave a review on.
All in all, great ending. I have to wonder what Ven's up to and who this Hitomi is and how Dias and Anarados are connected, and that just makes me want to read the new part all the sooner.
Oh, Roxas, you and your sexual innuendo. And Sora, "Why is your Keyblade up and out?" LOLZ.
I want to read what they do in their last bit of summer, and watch them go back to school for a couple days before getting tossed back into the adventuring fray. That way I can see Kayln's reaction to public school.
May the Grace of the Valar Protect You
| Infinite Freedom chapter 50 . 6/24/2011
An excellent way to end this part of story my friend. I'm really looking forward to the next Act.
| Akia Aoi chapter 50 . 6/24/2011
great story my friend. i enjoyed it very much. can't wait to see more stories from you.
your friend, Kee
| crazygal17 chapter 19 . 6/6/2011
I just can't get enough of this story. i love Kairi's new outfit although i wish there was a picture.
looking forward to the rest of the story
| Shire Folk chapter 47 . 6/5/2011
I figure that it's about time that I review seeing as how I failed to review the last one. Yes, shame on me, but they won in epic fashion and there was nothing I call major that happened like in Dayne's fight or Kairi's fight, so good job on the fighting in the last one.
NOW this one was excellent, especially since it didn't actually centre for the most part on the fight, but on everyone else across the worlds who were stuck watching the epic battle that would decide their fate. Yuna, Rikku, and Paine were definitely a nice sight to see, and Paine and Leon were both perfect in their unwavering faith that Sora would win.
But Rikku is of legal age *Alberta wink*.
Fuu chucking Seifer's claim that she'll lie down and let him win out the window was also spot on. No way prideful Fuu is going to let Seifer win without actually earning it.
I don't really call this a cliffhanger ending to the chapter, moreso it's a winding down. Dayne's going off to finish of Cassius, and the others are going back to Destiny Islands. Kairi's desperation and proclamation fitted how you've had her develop very well, but she has to remember that she's still got her mother and father and sister(s) on the Islands.
What I'm most anxious for is the epilogue and the inevitable conversation between Sora and his father.
May the Grace of the Valar Protect You
| Shifuni chapter 47 . 6/5/2011
Great Chapter :D