|Reviews for Love, Loyalty, Lies|
| bugsymutt chapter 1 . 2/15/2014
At first, I wasn't sure why Zarana and Tomax were together - I always held out hope that something would happen with Mainframe, somehow - but at the end it made sense. I enjoyed seeing the focus on the Cobra side and how they are trying to regroup.
| PixieRed chapter 1 . 8/25/2008
This bit serves as a great overview/connector piece. I really liked the meeting format. It seemed very believable.
It's hard to imagine that Zarana is really the twin's type, especially since the role she's playing is mostly herself. I wonder what Mainframe thinks of all this, surely the Joes are still keeping tabs.
While it's also hard to imagine the twins fighting, it does add a lot of fun. Though I have to wonder how the 'feeling each other's pain' bit works in this sort of situation and if it can be applied to other feelings.
The Cobra meeting was delightful. They really do have a lot of personality. Watching Zartan and Destro go at it is especially fun.
I liked the tie in to the first episode and the nod to the upcoming episode as well. You're making fine use of Cobra-la too, not losing a lot of the weird pseudo-science the series always had.
Last but not least, I am already anticipating someone's big entrance, even if it is early still.
| Cadet Deming chapter 1 . 4/23/2008
An interesting premise. I can't see the cartoon versions of Tomax or Xamot being interested in Zarana though. Too many "class differences."
| Isis4 chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
A fic on my favorite character. Thank you! I had to read it!
I was surprised to read that she was having a false romance with one of the Twins. I almost felt the ulcer myself! But I confess it was daring of you!
Even thought, I like the fic because she is the main character and the way you portray her. She actually has feelings... I wonder why she felt so bad about herself (when she was in the shower)... when she is suppossed to do whatever it takes for a mission, right? Why, why , why?
| Cover Girl chapter 1 . 4/12/2008
This is an excellent set up for a longer piece. The dialog flows brilliantly and the characterizations are first rate!
| White Eyebrow chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
No worries Asterisk,
This is exactly what the review feature is for and I welcome it. :)
| Asterisk78 chapter 1 . 4/3/2008
When I read this, I was more than a little disappointed that it was only a one shot. I was really getting into this whole Cobra-rejuvenation-Zarana as seductress thing, and then it just ended. Probably it was a good idea to end when people are still asking for more and not when they're telling you it's enough already...
Though, it is part of your series thing, so there's hope.
Anyway, in your adult situation, I was reading along and having a lovely time until I came to this sentence:
"She didn't care that the chill in the air made her nipples erect."
TMI. I don't need to know that, and I don't think the story would be adversely affected if you took that out. I'm sure if someone was really thinking hard about Zarana walking about naked at night and knew about female anatomy, they would know already that her nipples were more erect than usual. Everyone else could continue on in their little fantasy land, I suppose. The point is still that you probably didn't need that bit.
The one other thing that caught my eye as I read through this was the way that you listed all the Cobra lieutenants. Instead of putting them in horizontal list, you listed them vertically like a grocery list.
I think I may understand what you were trying to do here. You wanted to list out the Cobra lieutenants, and not lose track of who was there and who wasn't. However, in writing, listing everyone off is considered rather...uncreative (Not that you're uncreative, of course. Listing is always problematic.) Also, traditionally lists are done horizontally, with little commas in between the items. For example:
Storm Shadow, Baroness, Destro, and Zartan sat on the other side of the table.
However, you have so many people to list off that you probably need to find a really weird way to do it, like talking about how their placecards were laid out, or who sat next to whom or something. I don't exactly have a ton of ideas here either.
But I really enjoyed this fic. My favorite part was definitely how much humanity it added to Zarana. I would never want this review to stop you from producing another fic like this one, because it's not meant as a flame, just as a rounded critique. My goal was instead to give you some food for thought.
Cripes! These things are always so long...
| LadyofSilverSide chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
Wow, good story, and well thought out. I think that it's funny that she would do that, but in the end they would figure it out. Right? Well any way I've done something similar and it went all wrong. Just an idea, the twins aren't the twins without being them... Just a thought.