|Reviews for Water|
| Cruelest Sea chapter 4 . 2/5/2011
An interesting, unique and well-done story. I love finding TT fanfic - there really isn't enough of it out there!:)
| Dezarae chapter 4 . 7/13/2009
YAY! All finished? I really liked the end :-) Sorry its been so long since I've read/reviewed. :-)
| El Gringo Loco chapter 4 . 11/9/2008
A good story, making excellent use of the "split screen" almost necessary with this series to heighten the tension.
Re: Author's note/disclaimers. Well done and especially important since the story deals with actual events within living memory.
This story is clearly labeled as fiction. But placing fictional characters and events against the backdrop of history is a time honored approach to writing. And absent the tunnel side, it could easily pass for one of the thousands of very human stories that make up the living history of such events.
| Dezarae chapter 2 . 4/12/2008
Ok, this is really much better! I love the descriptions. Your voice and writing style is drawing me into the story! The only thing I see that could use some work are a few repitions and grammatical errors (i.e. misspellings, or phrases that could be worded a little better.)and I also noticed a few choppy sentences. I hope you don't mind but I'm going point a few things out so you know what I mean for next time:
"Doug and Tony walked to the wooden mill they had seen from far. It was built on the rampart. The vanes turning in the wind. The miller greeted them. He explained that this was a rampart corn mill. He offered to given them a small tour of the mill which Tony and Doug accepted."
This is good writing, but there could be a few changes, so if I were writing it, I would combine some of the sentences, and make the word "far" from the first sentence "afar" (which I'm assuming you meant; the english language is confusing and I forget things and make errors sometimes too, so don't worry...:-) ). As an example of what I mean about combining sentences, here's what i would have written (and I'm just going to take a teensy bit of poetic liscense, so that I don't butcher your work- this is just an example of what I mean, so if you don't like it/ or disagree with me then you can just be like "hey, girl. Stop trying to edit/and make suggestions to my work! lol):
"As the two men walked to the mill they had seen from afar, they took in scenery surrounding them. They saw the mill's Vanes turning in the breeze and as they neared they noted with great interest that the mill was built upon a rampart. When they reached the mill, they met the miller, who offered to give them a tour of the mill."
-Now obviously even what I just wrote needs restructuring, I wasn't sure what to write so it turned out decent, but in need of work. Anyways, I hope you don't take offense to my suggestions, I was just offering advice. Anyway if you don't want to worry about my suggestion, then just keep going, because I am going to read your story no matter what! I love it so far. Hurry up and write the next chapter, because I want to read more. :-)
| Dezarae chapter 1 . 3/31/2008
This is good! I love the idea that it is based off of an event in history that not everyone knows about, because- between you and me- you learn something new everyday (when watching the show- though obviously not totally accurate- it gave you a basic outline for things.). I'm so glad you've started this, and I can't wait to read more.
I hope you don't mind if I make just a few suggestions- that can be taken seriously or just totally pushed to the side, because I understand that not all suggestions can be relevant to the mind set of the author, toward the story-:
-I would like to see more discriptions. You are moving kindof fast and while I can follow it with no qualms, it would be a little more appealing if you slowed down and took the time to describe a little more. Dialog(?) is good, and sometimes all you need, but a little more discription would just spice it up a bit.
Telling me, as a reader, that they are on a hill on a sandy beach, with endless stretches of water does not really give me a good 'mental picture' of Holland (it is holland right?).
that aside, its going really really good. So please continue. I really loved this show, and would definately love to hear more.