Reviews for Love with Asari Lotions
Anonymous chapter 12 . 4/25/2011
Good except you misspelled Jeff's disease
Tallera chapter 6 . 12/9/2009
I like the premise you're working with (exploring the different romances in different situations), but you REALLY need to find a beta reader, or work harder on proofreading your work before you post it. I'm on Ch. 6, and I honestly doubt I'll be reading further.

You often use words incorrectly, and your sentences are often convoluted and difficult to follow. As a result, much of the "heat" you're trying to generate gets lost in the translation. An example: Liara's little "speech" near the beginning of Ch. 6. Yes, I can tell that you were deliberately trying to make it sound complicated or "scientific," because Liara does often use complicated language in the game. But much of what she said was just plain WRONG. As in, poorly-constructed sentences containing misused words. You can't just use a thesaurus to make things sound more intelligent.

I hope you'll take this as the constructive criticism it's intended to be. I wanted very much to like this set of vignettes. The ideas are original and the romantic chemistry between characters shines DESPITE the issues with the writing. But wading through the language is becoming very frustrating. Please try to improve your writing skills, and I'll be happy to come back and enjoy your stories more! :)
GREAT chapter 10 . 5/12/2009
More male shep and ashley please. ]
VisualIDentificationZeta chapter 10 . 4/20/2009
please tell me you'll write more, I love ManShep/Ashley fics.
VisualIDentificationZeta chapter 8 . 4/20/2009
loved the John/Ashley interlude
VisualIDentificationZeta chapter 4 . 4/20/2009
really loving Ashley's lips (just started playing ME for the first time these days and got immediately sucked into the MaleShep and Ashley romance). Ashely's hot.

When she's not wearing armor, that's weirdly very wide in the hip and padded several times in the stomach area.
oliveros chapter 12 . 5/22/2008
i really liked it, congrats!
Beth Shepard chapter 12 . 5/22/2008
I usually dont like Liara because she is so dull and thought that her use in the game was more for the interspecies relationship. However, giving insight into character like this, I see her flaws and why she's so straight forward that way. I really like it, and I see I'm not the only one that likes her finally.
antobalo chapter 12 . 5/22/2008
This was a delightful exchange. Fun to read.

Nice job.
The Tyrant Hamster chapter 12 . 5/20/2008
Hehehehe, y'know I think this might be my favourite chapter yet, maybe, it's hard to say cus you offer quite a diverse range of elements. I only know as much about Joker as can be gathered from these chapters of yours, but I've liked him so far, his tendency to interrupt other people's storylines, so I was really cool to get a fuller sense of him here. I really like how you portray his character, I dunno how close it is to how he IS, but I know I like it, especially that innuendo at the end, hehe XD. Liara was surprisingly well-written here as well, you made her keep apologising without it sounding forced, fluidly-executed, so yeah, I liked Joker, I liked Liara, I liked this chapter :D.
Jon Robson chapter 12 . 5/19/2008
Since my favourite romance was an Ash/Shepard, I didn't get to actually participate with the other ones. I did however enjoy this chapter and the dialogue between Joker and Liara. It's pretty much spot on. I'd like it if you had more depth to the fight scenes and interaction on sidequests. But I understand it's not supposed to focus too much on the quests. I would have liked it though if you had written more emphasis on the Ontario chapter.
Jon Robson chapter 10 . 5/19/2008
The conversation between the characters, such as Shepard to Joker and Shepard to Ashley was pulled off really believably. However the bits in the feild could have had a little more work done to them. I felt as though they were merely fillers. The bit about Noveria also didn't have much depth. The conversation and flirting was done really well, in fact it was almost spot on to the characters in the game.
The Dark Magician chapter 12 . 5/19/2008
Very nice chapter, I love the way she was pursuing things here and the nervous tension that was portrayed. Excellent writing. :D
dantegirl84 chapter 12 . 5/19/2008
Interesting and so lovely. I like this
Lori chapter 1 . 5/18/2008
V, this is awesome. Your writing is always good. I saw some coverage on this game and watched my boyfriend play it. I like the characters too. I can't wait to play it when he's done.
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