|Reviews for Luna|
| Jankard chapter 5 . 12/26/2009
Guess what? This is bullsh!t. Its nothing but a stupid self insert fic with stupid cardboard cutout characters and a lack of plot.
Ok, granted I was skimming, but I coud still pick up a lack of anything except you wanting to publish unedited bullcrap and expect people to pucker up.
| sugarx123 chapter 5 . 5/7/2009
I think it's good. I'm just curious what happened to Rico and Nick? Anyways, write soon
| Obsessive avid reader7 chapter 1 . 5/6/2008
I love it!
(by the way, it's me, Lauren!)
| Slammer chapter 5 . 4/30/2008
disreguard the last sentence in my other review. Listen I have a fanfic that you might enjoy, and if you read it, it just might improve your style... a bit. Not that its bad, its just there is always room for improvement. It is called The Quarter Moon Gamble. It is long, also its M... so sh! but it helped me alot. It put me into a mellow mood and that made my new fanfic (coming out soon) that much better.
-Sam AKA Slammer
| Slammer chapter 1 . 4/30/2008
SilverAngel1234. A bit of words to the wise, first of all gulted is spelled with a 'j' and a 'o'. Like jolted. Lez see... um maybe you
should send the document to me and i might be able to help you edit and revise if you need help... just an idea.
Sam, Aka Slammer
| I did it 4 the lulz chapter 4 . 4/28/2008
*sigh* I cant say a lot about the story itself, 1: the chapters are so short, not a lot has happened. 2: I can barely read a whole paragraph without bursting into tears. I'm sorry but you need to be told. So..so..so many grammar and spelling mistakes. First chapter...was very uninterestiing, it did however succeed in confusing the hell out of me. A character bio is something that should never be done except in RP's or if someone is perhaps reading a file on the said mutant.
Powers...now that was vague, I dont see how light is a power. " OO look at my slightly glowing hands!" same can be said for rock, at least with fire andwind you can kinda guess. If you actually explained them a little more it wouldnt be so bad. But again donotever ever do this through a bio. I am not at all drawn in by your characters, I dont know anythign about them,minus looks and "powers" I dont really know where they came from, their personalitis etc.
There is also very little description about...well anything. I am sorry but this was just so bad I felt the need to tell you this, you need to know, by allmeans revise your fic, fix it using the pointers you have, but really for the love of god. . . .
~Anonymous is devoid of humanity,pity and mercy. We are legion~
| mergirl007 chapter 1 . 4/28/2008
First of all, we do not need a list of characters. That is one of the *worst* things to do when introducing a story. You are using a technique called "showing," which is one of the major no nos in writing. You should "tell" us who your characters are, what they can do, et cetera. This list format is one of the best ways to make readers think that you $uck as a writer, that you are too stupid to know how to write anything for readers over the age of three, and that you were dropped on your head as a baby. Understand? Get rid of the list, go read the introductions to a few books, and get a clue about how stories (not grocery lists) are supposed to be written.
Next, you need to learn grammar. Your run on sentences are making me cringe, and it seems like your English teachers were too busy getting high to teach you anything for the past five years. Oh, and wrench off the exclamation point key on your keyboard. You use it way too much. Also, what does "gulted" mean?
Your introduction sucks. We don't know who anyone is, we don't know why someone is leaving aside from being sick, and we don't know where this girl Luna is. No, disorienting your readers does not a catchy introduction make. Whoever told you that needs to get beaten multiple times with an English textbook.
14 - 9 5. I learned subtraction in pre-K. Why do you assume that your readers can't subtract? We're not ALL idiots, you know. (Though I can't vouch for anyone who actually liked this chapter.)
You really need to learn how to write a story. Get assistance. You need it.
| Lex chapter 5 . 4/27/2008
Hey like the chapie (chapter)!
Pleaze hurry and post more loving the story (But u already new that)!
| girlwithwings2 chapter 5 . 4/27/2008
love it, but you have some grammer and spelling mistakes! But i love it!
| LexLinzy chapter 4 . 4/25/2008
Hurry Up And Right Some More!
I can't wit to find out what happens next!1!
Love Ur BFFL,
Love the Personasof the characters
(srry bout spelling)
| omg x stories chapter 3 . 4/25/2008
wo! go shiv!
i love your story.
just like that other
person said, watch
out for unnessicary
exclamation points (!)
but other than that
its great! ilysm
| leah chapter 4 . 4/23/2008
I love it!
keep writing plz!
cant wait to see what happenes next!
| girlwithwings2 chapter 4 . 4/21/2008
Love it sis! look out for spelling and some grammer mistakes, but it is very good! Keep writing!
ur reader\sis lol,
| Biancaaa chapter 4 . 4/21/2008
| alpha-range chapter 3 . 4/21/2008
I liked it, you better keep writing! Don't give up- I know the feeling, but, it all gets better. :).