|Reviews for The Wilds of Eriador|
| szepilona10 chapter 10 . 6/15/2008
Great chapter! Update soon please!
| szepilona10 chapter 9 . 6/4/2008
This chapter was very interesting, because there was more information about Eofor and also about "The Man-Orc". I really enjoied reading this chapter and please update soon!
| szepilona10 chapter 8 . 5/21/2008
Nice chapter! Update soon please!
| Alaenor JS-XIII chapter 8 . 5/17/2008
I like this story a lot. The characters are interesting (though possibly not canon-realistic), and I especially like the culture clashes they've got going between them. A Dunedian, man of Rohan, female elven warrior and half-orc are interesting blend, I'm looking forward to hearing about what they'll get up to in the future. It's an interesting situation you've put them in. I get the feeling Morangmacar isn't the real bad guy in this story, though.
You're a very good writer, and I eagerly await an update!
| MiniFruitbat chapter 8 . 5/13/2008
"I can't have you thinking I can turn you into a tadpole anytime we butt heads" makes it seem like the Elf is inviting herself along without any exposition or invitation.
"[...] took up glaive and pack and left the barroom." While that's acceptable, an additional "the" could make it read better.
"Should we invite Dinennaur to stay with us as well?" So I know Eofor's just being gentlemanly, but honestly, my first thought was "creeper." Though mayhap "creeper" could make the story a little more unusual.
Eofor's description of half-Orcs is nicely handled.
Morangmacar probably wouldn’t be fool enough to try to kill us while we slept, Elves are light sleepers, and I would wake the instant he tried to break the door down." A few things here. There's the missing space in terms of punctuation, but as for style... You say "kill" a lot in the rest of that paragraph: you could always have them talking about stabbing, ambushing, sticking, etc. And do Elves sleep?
Orc-dar. I need to get some of that. I like the emphasis on Farbarad being a lazy scoundrel too.
Hmm, I have a two week vacation. Maybe I should start writing stuff too.
| szepilona10 chapter 7 . 5/2/2008
Very interesting chapter! Update soon please!
| Hello Anyone There chapter 7 . 5/2/2008
Another great chapter but you will have to be careful not to let this character become a sue. She has definate sue basics. i also don't think she should have been made a warrior, women lack the strength to fight as well as men.
So, good chapter but be careful! :)
| MiniFruitbat chapter 7 . 5/2/2008
Hooray for another chapter!
Some typos/problems I found while reading:
"was rarely been one" should be 'had rarely been one'
"She thought back to the day, several weeks back, when everything started going downhill" is a little awkward.
I had been under the impression that Elves only ate meat on special occasions though. A meat pie doesn't fit very well.
I especially like your opening paragraph. While repetition is a problem when used unintentionally, you employed it well here. My only other complaint there was that "daughter of Tologtirith and Caranmirwen" was unnecessary in the first sentence. You could probably have used that line as a "she" or "Dinennaur" further down to better effect.
And Claideb's letter was truly hilarious. It was a good touch.
| szepilona10 chapter 6 . 4/27/2008
Interesting chapter! Update soon please!
| MiniFruitbat chapter 6 . 4/27/2008
"It was that cursed tark and the other man, Claideb assumed it was a man of Rohan but he was not entirely sure." A period or semicolon is needed here as a comma won't work.
"Room number 1" It's better to spell out numbers in writing.
There's also a point where you write "wash" three times in three sentences. You could switch it up a little with "laundered," "scrubbed," "sudsy," or something similar.
Excellent work with the dialogue though! The innkeeper sure is loquacious. The washerwoman's my favourite though. This totally makes up for the last chapter.
As for their room... Well, my dorm used to be significantly smaller than that. Small rooms ought to be easier to heat too. For just one night, this could be entirely practical and expected. Though, if Farbarad's used to longer stays at the Blue Comb, he might have reason to be upset. He could have previously been given the best room, mayhap even a suite.
| MiniFruitbat chapter 5 . 4/23/2008
I am very happy to see another update, but I think it was a bit rushed. Compared to earlier chapters, it was heavy on obvious exposition rather than details or subtlety. A few sentences stuck out like sore thumbs compared to your usual style:
"Eofor and Farbarad moved on at daybreak, followed by the bandits, who wanted to bury the rest of their dead as best they could."
"This rain is truly nasty, we can’t start a campfire out in the open in this, and the wind will probably blow the rain into the tent."
"[...] and was a brawler, a violent fighter who for whatever reason had developed an incredible hatred of Orcs and felt more at home amongst Men than any other folk, even though he hated them only somewhat less than he did the Orcs."
Taking a few extra paragraphs to show Claideb with his books or planning his next historical soliloquy would probably have been more effective.
On a minor note, I would personally have chosen a word like "flounced" rather than "pirouetted." Ballet's a fairly modern invention, (It was popularized by Louis XIV in the 17th century, though there were ballet dances as far back as the late 15th century.) so I would tend to lump it in with radar, stomach bugs, or paperbacks: things that are highly descriptive to us because they've been around for a relatively long time, but don't have an explained equivalent in Eriador.
Props for the existence of a half-Orc though. I don't think I've ever seen one in fanfiction before. Is he based off an RP character?
| szepilona10 chapter 5 . 4/23/2008
Nice chapter! Update soon please!
| MiniFruitbat chapter 4 . 4/21/2008
Hooray for another update!
So they can both read? It makes sense for a Ranger to be able to communicate without being there, but would there be much use in a member of an eored reading? It seems like a large skill investment for the time. Or does this suggest that Eofor had a slightly more noble upbringing?
I am enjoying these little twists that are grounded in the realm of believability though - the rangers being aware of an elf riding about without her immediately sweeping in to save the day after a 5 line exposition.
| szepilona10 chapter 4 . 4/20/2008
Great story! Update soon please!
| Hello Anyone There chapter 4 . 4/20/2008
Hm wonderful chapter again but just one slight niggle: the elven female. She is alone, armed and tracking a dangerous beast, be careful she doesn't become a Sue.
I quite liked the mens differing views on what to do with the bandits. I shows the different upbringing the two would most likely have had. Farbarad, who is a ranger would have had a hard childhood, he is not inclined to mercy whilst Eofor who seems to have had a happy life is more inclined to justice and forgiveness. Connection?
Write more soon!