|Reviews for A Kunoichi and a Sannin|
| waterkid chapter 8 . 11/16/2010
hurrrt i want more chapthers ansd more sasusaku
| orochimaru's cherry blossom chapter 8 . 7/13/2010
hey this story so was really good. It sucks that everything was deleted and hope you aleast update soon.
| AngelvLuna chapter 8 . 12/29/2009
u rewriting the chpter or that it?
| yuchi1994 chapter 8 . 8/27/2009
o...liked the story!
| leogirl321 chapter 7 . 8/1/2009
MORE MORE MORE START WRITING!
| melodyuchiha chapter 1 . 4/21/2009
it had me in chills the whole time keep it up it's amazing
| Blood Blossom chapter 7 . 9/11/2008
i lik the story. ;]
| backlash symphony chapter 7 . 7/29/2008
I really like the plot that you've developed. It's easy to follow from one chapter to the next. You've got skill when it comes to dialogue, and you have a knack for enough detail to maintain interest but not so much readers have to decipher the detail and miss the story. Over all, I think you've done a great job on character development and writing, but there are some mistakes you should go over.
While the characters are in very good display, keeping Orochimaru in his malicious, bastard-like self is one of the most difficult things to do (and I have a lot of trouble maintaining that attitude of his). But keep working on that for him. You did very well in the beginning chapters but it feels as if you got lazy with character development around the fifth chapter.
Some of the other characters, namely Sakura's friends, seem a little immature to me for their age. I don't know if you want them to have a "party girl" attitude all the time, but the way they act shouldn't be so consistent. I know that if I was coerced into spending the weekend training with a nut case, my friends would be all over me, trying to come up with a plan or even go as far as to threaten whoever is taking me away. They seem overly overprotective, every single one of her friends, and I think you should tone that down and give each character their own level of personality. It feels like they're all pretty much the same person only with differences in appearance and name. Again, you seemed fine in the beginning, but the further into the story you went, the less the characters maintained their believable attitudes.
I can understand Sakura's attraction to Orochimaru, but the guy is forcing her to go away with him. She should be a little more uncooperative. And he gave her a mark she knows ruined Sasuke's life, so shouldn't she be worried about what will happen to herself?
For the texting conversations, you should maybe put in an opening text, then describe the conversation like an onlooker would, "in a nutshell" so to speak, and then end with a text message. It will move by more quickly and not seem like an abrupt joke added in on a whim. Some people may even be irritated enough to stop reading your story entirely when they see things like that. The same thing goes for lists. Just shove it all into a paragraph and people will appreciate you more for not making them have to step out of their comfort reading zone.
For your author's notes, you should put a number in parenthesis after the spot you want to make a note in, then make the note with the corresponding number at the very end.
Example: "He was waiting on his front porch, wearing simply some faded jeans, no shoes or socks, and a long sleeved white shirt (A/N: Think of L from Death Note… ha.)."
You could instead write: "He was waiting on his front porch, wearing simply some faded jeans, no shoes or socks, and a long sleeved white shirt(1)."
And at the bottom of the page, write: (1)Think of L from Death Note… ha.
Sasuke's not exactly a "share all emotions" kind of guy, either, so maybe tone down on how much he says and expresses to everyone? We're going back to the whole "all together in the beginning but fading towards the end" pattern.
When you add songs in, you should stick to only a few lines from them, then make a reference to the end announcing what the title of the sound is and who performed it. It lets people down when they think there's a longer chapter, only to see half of it is song lyrics.
And this isn't really a problem, but when I'm reading, I pick up on often-occurring words and every time I pass the same word within a certain space or time between seeing it last, I mentally cringe and depending on how many times it happens in a certain period of time, I'll have to stop reading just to clear my head. You use "simple" and "simply" quite often in your writing, and I can automatically think of other words that are synonyms to "simple".
You should try going back and finding alternate words to put in for "simple" and "simply". It could help make the reading easier to read. Maybe "plain" or "basic" or "comfortable" are words you could switch in? There's a website called that you could use, too. If you write with Word, you can write "simple", then right-click it and a small bar will show up on the list titled "Synonyms". It lists words similar to the one clicked on.
Great job altogether, though! I'm hoping you continue this and work past your mistakes because you're a talented write and you should continue to write and improve. Keep in touch! Till later!
| PurgatoryNymphe chapter 7 . 7/14/2008
hum hum:P like it when Orochimaru is represented like a like a well mannered psychopath:P always funny ... and wanna know what kind of trainig they will have:P ,, what will happen during the weekend, will she stay with sasuke, will gaara fought to be with her very much... will this damn hot orochimaru will steal her forever ... he he he
cool nice fic u know!X)
| TheForgottenSheikah chapter 7 . 7/14/2008
Awesome story. Keep it up.
I hope you update soon.
| PurgatoryNymphe chapter 2 . 5/19/2008
CUTIE! Orochimaru Kick asses; specially sasugay :P!
p.s sorry if u like sasuke
| Tema-Sama chapter 7 . 5/13/2008
ahaha saku soo fell for it..wait no im confuzed just update my friend
| sailor princess 231 chapter 7 . 4/10/2008
update update update or i will wallow in pity trust me i will well anyways great story so far please write more if u can if not i can understand because of homework or Exams (death to all the teachers who give you extra homework _ HA HA HA i made a little singe anyways bu by)
| blossomheartxoxo chapter 5 . 4/6/2008
interesting write more
| Yuri Chidori chapter 7 . 4/6/2008
this is really good, keep it up~!