|Reviews for Running Into the Azure|
| amyfan2004 chapter 3 . 5/27/2009
omg i loved it! this story is great and very well written:] i love sonics past so far, i cant wait to read more!
| lolitawork libretto chapter 3 . 1/3/2009
I love this ! Pleasee update !
I wanna see how Sonic ends up how he is now.
Yay, Tails ! I wonder when Knuckles will enter?
Please keep going !
| ladytokyo chapter 3 . 10/21/2008
this chapter lol
| ladytokyo chapter 2 . 10/21/2008
| ladytokyo chapter 1 . 10/21/2008
| azngirlchibi chapter 3 . 5/11/2008
Phew, I got through I didn't think I would actually get through the story so quickly... thought it'd take me at least five goes. Anyways, *virtually cracks fingers, since I can't in real life* Okay, let's get this review rolling.
Let's see... starting with good things or bad things first?
Hmm... bad things first, then. Might as well get that over with.
1) The beginning is kinda boring. It's not as bad as, "It was a bright and sunny day," but it's not very exciting either. A way to make it more exciting, that I myself have done thousands of times and have recommended thousands of times, is to start at the most exciting part in your story, THEN pull back and do some explaining. Right now, from what I've read, it's all just backstory, not really plot, and without something to entice us to keep going, readers are going to find very little motivation to see the fic through to the end.
2) No offense, but your OC's are doing very little to add to the plot, and they're really, really annoying. A Mary-Sue doesn't need to have a romantic relationship to be a Mary-Sue. I wouldn't say your characters are Mary-Sue, per-say, but they're really stereotypical. Sonic's mother is a generic motherly figure. So is his sister, and same goes for his father.
3) You need a more descriptions. For example, you could've explained more of where Sonic lived - his village. "Village" could mean anything - from muddy streets and straw-roof houses, to nice, cobbled streets with pristine buildings. I mean, look at Castle Combe in Wiltshire, England. Not exactly a straw-roof houses sort of place.
4) Speaking of descriptions, where you DO describe things is sorta boring. Especially when you were describing Sonic's mother - it's not like it's bad, but she sounds so perfect that she sounds extremely Mary-Sue. Plus, you waste a whole paragraph yanking readers to a standstill just to read what she looks like. Her features will not be memorable that way. What you should try doing is to move the story along while describing her at the same time. For example, maybe have her fighting a robot while describing how she was a purple blur as she cut through her enemies, or how her pendent flashed brightly in the sun as she glided gracefully between two robots. Anything like that. Just don't slam the breaks on us just to describe what a character looks like.
5) The scenes jump around too much. While I was going through your story (and yes, I did re-read the whole thing since I stopped in between), I was confused because one second, he's mourning over the death of his mother, and the next second, he's happy because of shoes. Now I know there was a three month time gap, but I really feel like you rushed through that scene, and in the whole story in general. When we're reading, just seeing "three months later" doesn't cut it. It doesn't FEEL like three months has passed. Slow the story down and take some time to describe things. I mean, when Sonic's mother died, we got about two lines describing to us Sonic's anger, and another sentence later, he's like, "YIPEE! I GOT SHOES! ... What, my mother? I have a mother?"
6) The storyline is really cliched and predictable. Everything I read was nothing that no one has ever used before, and you basically threw things at us that's not exactly breaking new ground. I'm just gonna totally go out on a limb and guess what'll happen in one of the future chapters, if not the next one. Tails will grow up not liking his name. There will be a little blurb about how brotherly he and Sonic are, and how, under the guidance of Uncle Chuck, Tails is turning out to be a mechanical genius. Sonic will explain the origin of Tails's real name, and Tails's eyes will fill with tears as he has this cry-fest in Sonic's arms. Oh, and Sonic will be reminded of his sister, and how she used to comfort him when he was sad. Yay. If we're lucky, Tails might even get bullied by others for his "freaky two tails."
7) You really, REALLY need more detail in this story, especially when your story is not the first one to delve into Sonic's past. In chapter three, you have a little mention of Sonic hating water. Why does Sonic hate water? Was it some childhood event that traumatized him? You need little things like that to enrich Sonic's history. Since the story you're basically telling us is how Sonic became a hero, he needs a bigger reason to be a hero then, "Oh, well, my mother died, and I saw this random echidna die, my sister died... oh wait, who else died? ... Oh yeah, Tails's mother died too, so because so many people died, I'm gonna be a hero!" Though death is a good reason, it's shallow by itself. What about moral issues? Isn't being a hero basically about upholding what you believe is right? Things like that.
8) The deaths were bland an unemotional, to put it bluntly. Whenever someone died, I wasn't like, "Holy shit, she died!" The story felt more like, "... Ehh, she died. Let's move on now..." How about having the shock of his mother dying right in front of him? Imagine, Sonic watching wide-eyed as a bullet pierces through his mother's chest... The bullet travels right through her, hitting the tree behind her with the loudest "THUMP!" he's ever heard, and her body falling with a dull sound, as if she had somehow gotten lighter, as if a part of her had left her hollow shell behind. Describe the parts you want to be emotionally vivid, instead of just writing a tiny little paragraph that basically sums up to, "Oh, by the way, another character died. Yeah."
Good things! (I know, FINALLY!)
1) The only grammar mistake that I've seen so far is when you wrote "the 12 guardians." You're supposed to spell out "twelve" for proper grammar. I forgot what number it was that you don't have to spell. But yeah, besides that, you don't have any grammar issues to worry about.
2) Ditto for the spelling.
3) I like the way you would close off every chapter with a nice one-liner. It felt very sound and very solid.
4) I can see this being a really good comic. As a fic, not so good, but as a comic it'd be decent.
5) I actually really like Sonic's childish personality. He's still a child, but I like the way he's developing some sense of responsibility through interacting with others. Good job here
Unfortunately, I found this story to be kinda shallow. It feels like a rip-off of a millions animes put into one, especially because the dialogue and descriptions are kinda cheesy. It's really predictable, and overall, the story feels really bare.
What to do next:
SLOW DOWN! Take the time to explain things and what's happening. Use descriptions and such, and develope the OC's. I mean, yeah, they're only there for a while, but we should still feel devestated when they're dead all the same, and the death of shallow characters aren't going to bring tears to anyone's eyes any time soon.
Also, I know what it's like to be review-hungry. I know you're probably thinking, "Yeah, right," but I seriously know what it feels like to be frustrated with the amount of reviews you're getting. Just be patient. Cold Compassion had about the same amount of reviews as you have right now when The Queen of Aces and I were on our third chapter. And plus, I would honestly rather have three good critiques than fifty reviews that only say, "I like it!"
*looks up at massive review* ... I hope this fits o_O And I hope I didn't upset you too much or anything... Just for the record, it's getting kinda late on this side of the world, and I'm kinda in a hurry to get to bed, so I might've missed some stuff.
So... 'till next time?
| Ri2 chapter 3 . 5/3/2008
Those are awesome shoes.
And so Tails has come...at last.
| Silver Sheilds chapter 3 . 5/3/2008
Nice chapter. A very interesting way for Sonic to have met Tails. I can see what he's going through.
| Tutis 75 chapter 3 . 5/3/2008
Yo. I just finished all of your chapters and you have talent. This is going in my favorites. Sorry about your lack of reviews. You sound as desperate for reviews as I am. I, myself have been trying to review more. Anyway...sorry for the rant. Keep up the good work. I'll be watching (and hopefully reviewing). See ya later.
| Hikaru the Cat chapter 3 . 5/2/2008
WOW! You are like the BEST writer I have ever seen! I absoultly LOVE this story! If there was a stronger word for "love" I'd say it! AI SHI TE RU! That also means I LOVE YOU! You're so wonderfully gifted! You HAVE to continue! HAVE TO! A good- no, AWESOME writer with a story as good as this CAN NOT I repeat, CAN NOT stop! You are so FREAKIN AWESOME!
| Mana the Cat Magician chapter 3 . 5/2/2008
X.X WHY! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SAY THOSE TWO WORDS! YOU COULD OF AT LEAST SAID "Dattebyo"! IT MEANS THE SAME THING! [ - A Narutard] Anyways, I love your story. IT'S SO AWESOME! Plus there's some Japanese in it so I get to learn more. u So Sally and the other freedom fighters aren't gonna be in here huh? Oh well. I don't mind. I understand how you feel. ...Sorta. (I haven't written a story yet. Working on it.) I've seen awesome stories that are on chapter 6 and only have like 5 reviews. That's so sad... Well, I hope you update soon! Cause this is really awesome!
| Ri2 chapter 2 . 4/16/2008
So now we know the echidna's name.
Is that Tails' mom?
| Silver Sheilds chapter 2 . 4/15/2008
If you're a starving author, I will feed you. I loved it, if it were real, it would explain a whole lot about Sonic's personality. And I like you're writing style, this story reminds me of Lord of the Rings, because it's an epic. I think you should include all the characters, including Cream, I think it would be interesting to see her birth, seeing that she isn't born yet. I think Amy should also be included in the story as well as the others and I don't mean at the very end of the story, but soon, as time goes by. Sonic seems to hold a heavy responsibility as a seven-year-old. Anyway, great story. You've obviously worked hard on it and it shows, people should give you more reviews because of your talent. Update soon!
| Mana the Cat Magician chapter 2 . 4/15/2008
Sorry I didn't review from the last chapter. I could've sworn I sent one in... Hmm... Anyways, I really like this story! You have very good discription and it's very original. I didn't know Sonic had a sister... Well, except Sonia but anyways, Michiko must be related to Tails or something because of her two tails. I like her name too. So her name means Beauty and Wisdom? I should keep that in my Japanese list. (
| Silver Sheilds chapter 1 . 4/7/2008
Wow, so much has happened to him. I bet losing a sister is unbearable for a seven-year-old. Children that young should never have to be exposed to that kind of thing, I only hope he'll be alright. Great story and I can't wait to hear more.