|Reviews for Destiny Deterred|
| 90MLLu chapter 2 . 1/7/2009
This chapter did not bored me... I like the sake part. Pretty funny. I was entertained(v)
| 90MLLu chapter 1 . 1/7/2009
Uh very interesting... the plot sounds intriguing... hihi I like the way Hwoarang was trying to avoid the bill... (v)
| YYTQiu chapter 6 . 1/5/2009
"I didn’t want that sexy Korean or that beautiful Japanese boy anyways, humph!" when I read that, 2 things come to my mind...
1. Why do people call boys sexy/beautiful?
2. If you think they are sexy/beautiful why dont you want them?
Anyway, the whole story was horribly funny!lol it made me laugh my head off!
| Ninnis chapter 6 . 6/4/2008
So this is not finished yet!
I loved the title!
Are U gonna have him chasing Jin in Antarctica?
I really would like to C more from U
Keep it up!
| Ninnis chapter 5 . 6/3/2008
I was able to read it!
I've finished the damn finals! No more school!
Again I like the way U throw Hwoarang into any trouble! Oh, I never thought that Jin is a vet! he knows too much about animals!
Awesome, since U finished the story, change it's staue into completed, or it would lost for ever! wich is something we don't want to happen!
I am reading the next chapter tomorrow; coz I don't want to finish all the fun today!
I felt that the imitation meat is something made up!
LOL! It seems that U red my story! U like it? I would never feel bad if U said: no; It is so damn random, that I thought about deleting it, but since some members liked it, I would continue!
I feel so sorry for U! I wish U a happier life!
| Salysha chapter 6 . 5/21/2008
Finally, I get to reviewing this.
You know, the last chapter might actually be my favorite one, or a close tie with the infamous second chapter ("You already look like a wonder to me"). I think the story was wrapped up perfectly, so don't you change anything about the end. Favorite bits in the last chapter? Jin's letter and "Here Gonny, Gonny, Gonny!" That last bit reduced me to hysterics.
Also, speaking of style? I like it. Smooth narration, balanced chapters. It's easy and fun to read. This one passage, I thought, was really, really nice.
Hwoarang let him go. Like his fight with Jin, it could wait. He’d get his day…Jin’s defeat and Gon’s roasting over an open fire…patience was a virtue…"
This is one excellent story, and I just want to thank you for writing it. I've truly had a blast reading. I think that much just may have come across from my reviews, but I'm all for giving credit where credit is due.
| Salysha chapter 5 . 5/14/2008
Jin's been traveling around with a tiny dinosaur, no biggie? Nice one, and a good addition! You don't see too many Gon fics.
The Jin-Hwo banter is a lot of fun. It works well that Hwoarang is all over the place, while Jin maintains an even temper. That way, on the average, they are quite balanced.
"They were about to engage in an epic battle and this nimrod wanted to eat?" I was very much partial to this one, too.
| Salysha chapter 4 . 5/6/2008
This story is hysterical!
The continuing Hwo/everyone innuendo is a hoot, and you play the parody to the hilt at almost every new, improbable turn. Hwoarang's character is crude if not vulgar, and so hilarious. Chapter one with the teeth incident? Chapter two with the eyeballs and the rest of them? I rest my case.
The brightest jewels (ahem) in the crown:
1- "This is normal in Europe, this is normal in Europe."
2- "You already look like a wonder to me."
3- Sake - Heineken.
There were a couple things that you might want to fix, though. I hope you don't mind the tips.
1- Enter key is your friend. When a different character says or does something you need a new paragraph. Even if it's banter with short sentences, like in the sake - Heineken discussion, each line of speech or action from a different character needs to stand on its own, with an empty line between. Every time.
You can easily revise and replace your chapters without losing reviews (Stories - Edit - Content/Chapters - Replace Chapter).
2- Leave the author('s) notes to the start or end of the chapter if you need them at all. They work very ill in the middle and disrupt the reading for sure.
The first chapter with the crash landing- it moves fast, although I assume it's just the means to get to further comedy. Was there something funky with the logic or the phrasing, though? "Had the plane not crashed landed, you’d be dead... like everyone else on that flight..." Isn't it supposed to be something like, "Had you not been (lying) on the floor when the plane crash landed, you'd be dead... like everyone else." Otherwise, it makes no sense.
Keep up the comedy!
| Ninnis chapter 4 . 5/6/2008
Oww! I remeber reading this before going to bad a long time ago but I forgot to review!
Wow! I never expected that it was the damn old man!
Ohh! I love Jin's story with Roger LOL!
Damn that man! He kicked Hwoarang out!
You mean to tell me that because I won’t fuck you or kiss you or whatever you want, you’re banning me from here? Fine, I was going to buy that big screen TV, but now I don’t want none of your cheap ass appliances!” He shoved the table in front of him hard and left as well.
I loved this part!
That was one heak of a chapter!
Keep up the good work!
Oh & if your holiday in June, then that would be co0ol!
| EeveeHearts chapter 2 . 5/4/2008
Haha, that was funny xD
| Ninnis chapter 3 . 4/25/2008
Hi there! Nice to see a new chapter!
you R gonna read my story! oh thanx! if you like randomness, then maybe you would like it, if not then you can read my upcoming stories : (The last chance) & (A teacher & a cheater)
My reviews are always long, but the problem is that when I love a story so much, I don't Critique! unless the grammar mistakes was so damn annoying!
If wanna some then, back to chapter 2:
( “No, dammit, I don’t want no sake!” )
Was it a mistake? or you wanted to show us that Hwoarang is not that good in English?
or you might forgot to insert a: , between (want) & (no)
Another thing, it is (aspirin), not (asprin)
Gotta admit that I have too much mistakes when writing, I am not that good! XD
Now, this was a nice chapter! Wow! He saw Jin!
If it was Jin then I bet he would say: No! Not now Hwoarang! I can't leave now; my superior would fire me!
Hwoarang: What? I haven't flew all the way from Korea, survive from a plane crash, take a ride with a gay to hear that!
Or you might have something better than all of this!
Or maybe he is not Jin a merely an old friend...
& oh, about the rambling! Don't worry, I am a big rambler! Finally someone like me! Ramble as much as you want, I like to know the news of the writer & tell mine!
Take your time on updating; this is our last year! I never updated this year because of the school, so don't feel bad about updating late :)
Study well, & good luck on writing the valedictorian!
| nothingx0 chapter 3 . 4/22/2008
gummy bj's gummy bj's...oh well at least he wasnt bitten
| nothingx0 chapter 2 . 4/22/2008
No I dont want sake
I said no damn it no sake
Okay I get you sake
and the gay dude on the cycle was a classic touch i mean truly it was. "Come back my beautiful rose."
Hwoarang is beautiful... and sexy...and ...and...*shakes head*
Anyway loved it
| nothingx0 chapter 1 . 4/22/2008
Well I only had one problem with it and it's really minor so dont worry.
North Korea is the one with the weapons of mass destruction, not south and yes they are seperate.
But anyway on with my review lol.
Wow she had false teeth and they few into his lap lol. OMG! I can just imagine that happening and it damn near sends me over the edge. Keep it up okay?
| Ninnis chapter 2 . 4/22/2008
(his is normal in Europe, this is normal in Europe)
(not knowing if it was true but needing to believe in it for sanity’s sake)
LOL! poor Hwoarang! hahaha! that was a good one!
“Come back, my beautiful rose!”
an old farty gay! ew! Poor Hwoarang! that Jin must appear! what Hwoarang has passed yet wasn't easy!
I like How U get Hwoarang in unexpected troubles every step he takes!
“Dude, I’m twenty one, and you’re like, fifty! Find someone your own age!”
I felt that he is too old for Hwoarang XD
“Get it? Eye balls?”
LOL! now that was very very very funny, thought kinda dirty!
(forgive me if this chapter bored you to tears)
What R ya talkin' about?
it was intresting! & funny too!
Can't wait for the next chapter!