|Reviews for The Visitors|
| Kanto the Slayer chapter 7 . 8/12/2009
I wanted to save my reservations for the end, and now that I'm here, might as well get it over with. I found problems with this story that didn't seem to fit.
First of all, you didn't convince me on the action parts. Short as they were, they should still be like dynamite: volatile, explosive, and very, very hot.
Second, your spelling needs a bit of work. Kinda obvious bits here and there, but it's acceptable for the most part. Still, work on it. I would suggest a re-vamp of this with a few edits on grammar (and as ulyferal mentioned, terms as well).
Third, I agree with Cody in the fact that it could have been much better written. Try not to do that 'he said' thing. Everything a character says should have some sort of action ahead of or behind it. Not only does it paint a better picture, but it can display what the character is feeling, in the absence of what they're thinking.
But I do like the concept of alternate dimensions, and I figure you have a good take on it. A good try, just... a bit skewed, yeah?
| Cody Furlong chapter 7 . 8/13/2008
I loved the plot it could have been better problem I had was that it was hard to tell who was talking to the he said,he said the only thing you needed was a way to better define the 'real' Chance and Jake from their doubles.
| ulyferal chapter 7 . 5/24/2008
Well, I certainly enjoyed this piece and look forward to more from you.
| Exo-Toxicimpulse chapter 6 . 4/21/2008
I LOVE IT it is really great work keep writtin ;) how cute their counterpart r lovers X3. And a part where Feral is Bald lol n_n. keep it up i can't 2 read more of ur stories.
| Jovianokami chapter 5 . 4/20/2008
Great chapter, so it be coming to end soon? I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Jovianokami chapter 4 . 4/19/2008
Good chapter, in turth I could see how Chance and Jake would start off as friends before coming lovers. I see that Callie and Felina were together in one world. I just wonder about the other SWAT Kats and Feral that they came across. And that world Chance, he did get quit a scary out that didn't he? Update soon!
| Jovianokami chapter 3 . 4/18/2008
Nice chapter; It understand able that Chance won't turst the other Chance after all the run in with the Dark SWAT Kats must have really shock them to core about how things could turn out if they made the worng choices. I can't wait for the next one! I wonder what kind of life Jake and Chance could have lived if they decied things differently. I hope they can build up some turst between each other.
| ulyferal chapter 3 . 4/18/2008
You know, I'm having trouble with Chance being this suspicious. I guess I'm more used to him being laid back and carefree. Once it became clear they were like them but suffering a really bad thing, I would have thought he'd be more sympathetic. Still a great chapter and looking forward to more.
| ulyferal chapter 2 . 4/13/2008
Way to go! This is really great! Can't wait for more.
| Jovianokami chapter 2 . 4/11/2008
Wow this a nice story you got going. I wonder what kind of pairings are going to be in here. I hope it has some I do like. Hey will Feral, Felina and Callie be coming in? Ano...one more thing you won't be bushing any one will you? I just want to clear that up.
| Etherweil chapter 1 . 4/10/2008
You have a very intriguing story going on here. I'm writing an alternate dimension fic myself and I know that they can sometimes be a challenge, but you've written yours flawlessly so far. I hope you update soon, I am really interested to see what your idea is.
| ulyferal chapter 1 . 4/9/2008
Wow! As the writer of two dimensional stories, I gotta say I love where you're going with this. I was going to have a het story with my second one but everyone wanted a gen story from me. *sigh* Anyway, I can't wait for more on this. Keep it coming. (oh and btw its Turbokat not turbo kat.) For accurate show terms check out the SWAT Kat Encyclopedia. /swatkats/