|Reviews for Masters of the Neko-ken|
| Ganheim chapter 2 . 12/2/2008
Warnings: Serious, slight humor, self insertion, slight OOCness, and possible alternate universe.
[I hope there isn't a self insertion, but the warnings are nice and I hope you can complete the story without any Deus Ex Machina.]
Horror and an unnamable fear
[Spelling: unnameable, I believe]
Ranma-neko slashed out. Ever since, an uneasy silence followed him throughout the house,
[I'm surprised that they allowed him back in. I don't mean that they'd kick him out for some cruel reason, but rather the fact that everybody's still in a sort of shock and they'd be so focused on Akane they wouldn't let him in. That would have been my guess at progression of events, anyway.]
"Xian Pu hear
[Although it can be transliterated like this, though her name is built with two hanzi, so are the vast majority of chinese names. It's still one whole.]
Why didn't you ever tell me!"
[That's a good question. Presumably, this is far enough into the Ranma series that he's used the Nekoken (via Shampoo) to defeat Cologne, and therefore both Shampoo and Cologne know how powerful and how uncontrolled it is.]
Ranma beamed at the bandanna'd boy,
[Beamed? So he's no longer in a funk about almost killing Akane? I know Ranma recovers quickly, but less so from emotionally traumatic events and this would be one of those.]
"So, when do we head back to the Nekohatten?"
Besides the strange spacing oddities (soft returns strewn here and there), there weren't many technical flaws. The larger plot (so far) made sense
NO GET UP!]
"So when we go down for breakfast, right?"
[Based on the surrounding structure, I'm assuming that Ranma is going over the timing of a plot concocted earlier, but the pacing of this sentence seems wrong for that. Some space (either indicated by comma or ellipsis) after 'so' would work.]
Us not fighting to the death or anything... a nice change."
[When have they ever fought to the death? They've seriously tried to defeat each other, but Ryouga's probably the one rival who doesn't actually want to kill Ranma. Have they pushed each other to the brink? Sure, but beyond the Hiryu Shoten Ha arc, I can't think of a single time where Ryouga truly lost it and tried to _kill_ Ranma.]
fight all the
way down to the Nekohatten
[Superfluous soft return - this is the last time I'll point one out. Spelling: Nekohanten]
They entered the Nekohatten,
you agreed this be
[this _would_ be]
"If you want my help, you'll let me call you whatever I want, boy." She warned.
[Out-of-character. This is her default name for him, but she's teasing him. That's a case of an old woman having fun with a young idiot and laughing at his indignance or getting flustered.]
"Because you have no other choice," she deadpanned.
[This may be a truth, but she knows that Ranma is loathe to be forced into something even if it's for his own good. She's not going to be this overt, she's going to prod him in the right direction and probably do so in a manner that leaves Ranma thinking it was his choice and his decision when it was all her idea to start with.]
Every time I try, she pulls some stunt and I get burned by her.
[Like when she taught him the Hiryuu Shoten Ha? Even in that long arc in which she taught him the Amaguriken exercise, she repeatedly let him off effectively free. It seemed pretty clear (when she wasn't toying with him for a little harmless if ego-bruising entertainment) that she never truly harmed him or took anything from him. I don't know exactly what point in the canon this story takes place, but as the story progresses, even before the end of the anime (and even moreso as the manga goes along), that he's come to respect and trust her. He still doesn't voluntarily go to her very often, but he harbors no hatred and little suspicion of her.]
a martial art technique
And how did you get a phone? There aren't any in the village.]"
[I doubt that, but I guess that's all a matter of selective interpretation and a minor point to quibble.]
The restaurant is the Nekohatten.
"YOU HURT ME AND THEN YOU GO TO SHAMPOO FOR COMFORT,
[Edging on out-of-character. Akane's got a hair-trigger temper and she's more jealous than is good for her, but she also isn't _this_ fast to hurt him. Although if she had just entered the conversation by hearing her father, it's more likely that she'd leap to conclusions. The problem is that you give no description of peoples' positioning and/or entrances.]
that other guys first,
calmed down yet, ne?"
| Momijii chapter 2 . 3/30/2002
So it had been 50 years, that doesn't mean that there aren't any! so the story is still legitamate! NYA! I'm protecting my nakama! And this stort is nearing the tenth REWRITE! Flaggin Durn! I WANNA READ THE STUPID THING!
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/18/2001
oh please finish the story! And please make it RanmaShampoo
| henry4th chapter 2 . 10/4/2001
Hey, not bad. I like the part about Khu Lon. I've been a Ranma fan for around 15 years, and I enjoyed reading your story. Hmm... I think Akane's mallet should hit Ranma before he went out though.
| Exodus chapter 2 . 9/30/2001
There shouldn't be any Amazon Neko-ken masters. When Ranma went Neko-ken to beat Cologne she said that it was 50 years since she last saw the Neko-ken.