Reviews for Metroid Scion: The One With the Black Mane
Dark09 chapter 3 . 3/28/2011
Interesting fic so far mate :-). Hope to see an update in the future.
Wraith Five chapter 3 . 9/13/2010
i like it! keep up the good work!

also, i thought "Hushed Avenger" was a good choice of name for that ship!
Azraelean chapter 3 . 1/30/2010
Good Story not a big fan of gitmo re-creation but oh well please update soon. :)
jafarjasmineforever2005 chapter 3 . 1/18/2009
Good fic, keep it up.
DuQaine chapter 3 . 1/12/2009
Wow! Cool story! :D You've really put a lot of thought into this!

I hope you update soon! This is very very interesting

Keep up the good work!
Ganonfan117 chapter 3 . 12/22/2008
very nice! very nice!

i like where this is heading:

nice plot,

beautiful detail of scenario,

interesting character traits,(although im kind of resentful

of this "Teal" guy for hitting a woman)

and over all just gorgeous, especially when portraying the characters' thoughts without going overboard!

keep up the good work! mad respect!

please update soon!
StaticBomb93 chapter 3 . 11/26/2008
Whoa so Samus is a merc now? Sweet. Never did like the Feds. Anyone who tries to replic8 metroids is fuckin daffy. Can't wait fo mo. C ya. 5/5

"If ya got the juice might as well drink it." -SF0324
StaticBomb93 chapter 2 . 11/26/2008
NOES! Damn it...This is why we h8 politics. Anyway this is cool brah!
StaticBomb93 chapter 1 . 11/26/2008
Damn Samus can't catch a break can she? I like this man(Or girl). 5/5
Missed Nin chapter 3 . 7/27/2008
Agh I just wrote a really long review and then it deleted it ;_;

Anyway I like this fic. The scheming of these original characters is intriguing, and Samus and Adam seem nice and incharacter and banter-y with each other (and Samus was appropriately stoic when meeting the less-than-polite strangers... good for her). I'm not sure I'm so happy about the first chapters hints that Samus wants love, but I'm sure you wouldn't mutilate her personality too badly... So I'll trust that this is not a sign of a weird plot-crucial romance to come. This Teras guy and his apparent snooping after Samus are curious - I wonder whether he knows about the X and the Metroids and such. Also I wonder who "the one with the black mane" is... But I guess I'll have to wait to find out.

Well, I shall see you :)

MN
OblivionIsAtHand chapter 3 . 6/1/2008
very good start. this a plot of high potencial. I like your writing style, it's elegant and intriguing. you describe your characters well, however cliche their personalities might be, I'm still wanting to know more about them.

please update soon.
Smoo231 chapter 2 . 5/22/2008
I’ve only read chapters one and two, because I have quite a bit to say about those alone. I may review chapter three at a later date.

I’ll give praise first off. I liked your choice of names for the space ships, etc. It gave a more realistic connection and a sophisticated tone. Delving into Samus’ feelings worked and gave that oh so important connection to your readers. The games hardly ever go into Samus as a character (Nintendo being ever the shallow ones), and her loneliness would only seem natural. One problem I noticed in chapter 2, however, is her seemingly uncharacteristic state of panic. All the yelling around paragraph eleven added suspense to a suspenseful moment, but it seemed over dramatic (especially the expletive, not that I mind cussing)

Adam’s formality has been bugging me. Typically, one wouldn’t address someone as “Lady” unless they’re speaking to royalty and it gives an overall stuffiness between two who are be best friends.

In chapter 2, paragraph 8, there was the sentence “Suddenly, in a spontaneous epiphany, Samus had an idea”. Its redundancy annoyed me. Using the word epiphany implies already that the notion was sudden and spontaneous, and an epiphany is also an idea. I really don’t like repetition, unless one uses it for emphasis. It’s not so prominent that you have to change it, those were just my thoughts.

Your imagery is good; could use some finer words here and there, but nothing’s awkward or too repetitive. One thing I didn’t like though was when you explained what some of the weapons and ships do in the middle of a galactic hold-up. It throws off your flow. I’m specifically noting paragraph 4 and 5 from chapter 2. When you pause in the middle of a tense moment to say “oh and by the way…” you break the suspense. It’s good you bothered to put in the description, but I think it could be better placed. Or you could try to keep the suspense flowing by using scary words that convey how much danger Samus was in. Just something to look out for next time.

Another little thing, you used the word ruckus somewhere in chapter 2… It seemed to contradict your tone. I’d choose a more serious word.

Overall, good suspense and action. A tip for the tense, action parts: shorter sentences. From my own reading experience it makes a difference. Don’t make all the sentences too short or it gets dry, just like action phrases when someone’s being hit or narrowly dodged a blow. Onomatopoeia works hand in hand with these little sentences, for that extra emphasis.

Good job, for the most part. Not the usual unappealing, lacking, fangirl stories one would normally find on this site. Keep it up.

- Smoo
SithAnimeLord chapter 3 . 5/11/2008
Another great chapter, im really looking forward to what happens next. Update soon.
SithAnimeLord chapter 2 . 5/11/2008
Amazing chapter, very suspenful. Update soon, great story!
SithAnimeLord chapter 1 . 5/8/2008
Wow this is really good, update oon please!
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