|Reviews for If a Shoe Fits Why Not Wear it?|
| Gnarynhar chapter 1 . 12/26/2011
Sorry, purely a technical review here-
Spell check, for the love of God, spell check.
And DO NOT end nearly everything spoken by all the characters with an exclamation point. Exclamation points are used to denote shouting, or *very* strong emotions (which is often expressed through high volume anyway). Using exclamation points in everyday sentences makes it look like all the characters are screaming at each other all the time. Unless it's for an over the top character with no indoor voice, this is not good.
You've also stuck apostrophes where they shouldn't be used, and dropped them in instances where they should have been used. There's also a few homonym gaffs and cases where you've just used the wrong word entirely. -"His tongue meat skin tenderly again" is not a sentence. And from earlier- "over exiled quarter back", exiled means banished, and the football term is "quarterback", all one word. The personal pronoun "I" is *always* capitalized.
Try getting a beta reader. A quick search online will lead to to forums and blogs that will help you get in touch with one. (Plus I saw someone offer to beta for you in the reviews) Until then, spell check your work and ideally read through it after a break to catch the errors the program will miss.
Programs like Word and Open Office even allow you to create your own dictionaries so you can add things like character and place names and then not continually have them continually flagged as errors.
| Seraphine Sky chapter 4 . 7/31/2009
Hi! I love your story! There are a few spelling mistakes, I would be very willing to become a beta for you if you like? Anyway, great story, I can't wait for the next chapter!
| merichuel chapter 4 . 6/14/2009
when will they be together!¿?i love them, and hiruma is really really cute!
anyway, please update soon
| Lazy Shika chapter 3 . 12/14/2008
MORE! this is an awesome story i love it, update soon! and keep up the great work D
| Wanderer-Brown-Sheep chapter 3 . 11/4/2008
Love the update, I wonder who tried to run over Sena?
| ONIX-21 chapter 3 . 11/3/2008
yay! lovin this story so far!
so glad u updated
this is another awesome chapter!
lookin forward to more
hope u update soon! XD
| crave-the-rave chapter 3 . 11/3/2008
I loved this chapter :) hehe...Mamoi really annoys me _
not just how your writing her but in general...after she finds out who he is (eyeshield) i lik eher alot more
any how...great chapter, was very good :)
| shobe09 chapter 2 . 9/29/2008
hey. your story is really good.
please start updating the next chapter.
please! please! please! please!
| delete-me-please-plz-delete chapter 2 . 7/8/2008
trying to cope a feel there hiruma? he he.
i think that it's hiruma's job to save sena.
hirusena is the best! _ yup!
please update soon!
I'm curious and so is musashi!
| death by computer addiction chapter 2 . 7/8/2008
Not sure if I reviewed before but here it goes
I like the idea. All HiruSenas are the pimpin'est.
...but the names made me cry
her name is Suzuna not Setzuna she calls Hiruma You-nii not elf-bro.
His name is Komosubi(don't worry about that one though, I used to forget that one too)
And stutteredly isn't a word you should say Sena stutered
And last of all GET A BETA!
You should also talk to someone about getting the right names or something.
P.S. I'm REALLY, REALY hoping this was a typo- in the end you called Deimon, Demeos...it hurt me...
| Hunter Hatake and Neko Uchiha chapter 2 . 7/8/2008
this great story so far pleaz write more soon
| ONIX-21 chapter 2 . 7/7/2008
Hey great chapter! :D
lovin it so far!
umm two things though sorry by 'Kurasabi' so u mean the little guy that follows Kurita around? if so then its 'Komusubi'
and the cheerleader is 'Suzuna'
im not trying to criticise im just trying to help :D
its awesome though i love this pairing and i cant wait to read more :D
| fan girl 666 chapter 2 . 7/6/2008
very coolies on the chapter it was really sweet that he saw worried about Sena
| delete-me-please-plz-delete chapter 1 . 6/11/2008
please continue! oh poor sena what's he gonna do?
| death by computer addiction chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
Pretty good, but you need to stop using exclamation points after nearly every sentence...especially Hiruma...he's not really exclaimy if ya get my point.
But keep up the good work! HiruSena is my FAV pairing!