|Reviews for Rifts Chaos Earth: Dreaming Of A White Christmas|
| Chaostik chapter 1 . 11/25/2008
This was amasingly well done, Kudos to you. i look forword to seeing more of you Rifts writings!
| JC chapter 1 . 6/30/2008
Das any one known where I can fine Fan-fiction on 7th Sea?
Any one thinking about making it here?
| Mojo Arrogance chapter 1 . 4/20/2008
Aspects of this story very well written. Setting discription is excellent, I had no problem visualizing the environment you created. Great use of your volcabulary as well.
i.e. "Taking a drag he exhaled. The cathedral was deathly quiet, while outside hell raged. Screams, plea's, gunshots and . . . yes, even laughter were heard in a macbre soundtrack of the apocalypse. It was getting closer."
Well written, although I might remove the "and... yes" as your story is written more third person than narrative.
The primary advice I'd offer is to use paragraph structure to seperate your dialogue. Generally, when a different person speaks, you should always begin a new paragraph. Much easier to keep speakers seperate that way.
i.e. "Are there still reports of the . . . the things?" She kept her head down and her teeth clenched, bracing for every answer as if it was a shot to the heart.
"Yes, all over the world reports of demon, zombies, vampires and aliens are coming through. Probably mass hysteria. Human beings always want to quantify why something bad happens. It needs some reason other then the randomness of life."
"Am I . . . are we . . . going to die?"
"Of course." Ciro said, lighting up a cigarette. "But not anytime soon, not on my watch."
Try it out, see if you like it. I think you'll find it lends a much better flow to your dialogue. But whatever you do... keep writing. I think you're a very talented writer and have a great deal to offer the Rifts multiverse. I look forward to your next submission.