|Reviews for The Thin Blue Line|
| Summit Ice Cream Parlour chapter 1 . 1/19/2012
Lovely ending. I can't help but think, "Oh, the poor bastard." Must have given him a heart attack. Or, a semi-good reason for suicide.
| Mehri chapter 1 . 10/3/2008
First of all, WOW.
I was not expecting that ending. Out of curiosity, is that the end? I can see it going either way. Ending there as a short story, or continuing. You published it some time ago so I'm guessing it was meant as a short story.
Very good. I liked the idea, I was interested in the story but the end knocked me off my feet.
Just one tip to make your stories more clear. Make sure you keep action with dialogue.
I'll quote two example:
“Y-yes, Detective.” Vale beckoned to one of the officers who led Tropchek off to his patrol car. Vale turned to D’Agosta."
“Well, it should be easy to find the guy. We’ll put out an APB: ‘Homicide suspect, tall, thin, armed and dangerous with glow-in-the-dark eyes’. We’ll have him in no time.” D’Agosta shot him a dirty look.
In those cases it sounded like it was Vale and D'Agosta talking. But I believe in the first it was the witness, and in the second case it was Vale. In the second example this would work better:
“Well, it should be easy to find the guy. We’ll put out an APB: ‘Homicide suspect, tall, thin, armed and dangerous with glow-in-the-dark eyes’. We’ll have him in no time.”
D’Agosta shot him a dirty look.“Stow that shit. The last thing we need is something like that to leak to the press. God knows what kind of crap they’d broadcast.”
Anyway, that's my suggestion. Hope you don't mind. I just love getting advice.