|Reviews for Complete|
| Dimitrius chapter 1 . 4/26/2008
Greetings Mah Rabid American Ballerina!
Yet another ballet fic to torture everyone with, eh? ;)
No worries, I actually enjoyed reading this thanks to the supplementary information that you so graciously supplied us with. For once, I was able to see a butterfly event simply on my own.
The event was quite simple but I do see how much it had shifted; I'm kind of upset to know of Giannina's and Matteo's union again. I was hoping for Ondine to get together with Matteo. But only 'cause she's unique. ;D
Nonetheless, you did a good job turning the storyline into a complete 180 turn. There were several things, however, about your story that I thought you might bear in mind for next time.
One, I think you should provide a little more detail; you were concise but there were certain points where I felt a bit more description and a little more background information could have helped. The supplementary synopsis you provided helped but to a certain extent; you could have done more in terms of details.
Second, you lacked a sort of setting. When I read something, I like to get a sense of the surroundings of where the event is occurring in. In my mind, the story was bare; I could not see the scene itself. The only small indication of scene that I received was the room that Matteo was in at the beginning. After that, I didn't know where Matteo and Giannina were together in their scene and where Ondine was in the final section. So add a little description of the setting (keeping in mind though not to go all purple prose on everyone).
I guess description was what you had a lot of trouble with; the grammar and mechanics were really good and flawless. So just bear that in mind for next time.
Anyways, I wish you the best of luck in the challenge. ]