|Reviews for La Couronne d'Licorne|
| Mirror and Image chapter 21 . 7/21/2008
Well, this was a good read. After going through everything in Le Chevalier D'Eon section here at , it was very pleasant and wonderfully surprising to find a nice multi-chaptered fic to sink our teeth into.
By far, one of your best aspects of this fic, is how in character everyone seems to be. D'Eon and his desperate need to understand what has happened to Lia as well his unwavering loyalty to France. Robin and his eagerness to be of help, as well as his own untested abilities, you've done a bang-up job with them. By far, there were three words that completely hooked me (Mirror) into this fic. "D'Eon's vision telescoped..." Those three words made me sit up and take notice, made me realize that you *understood* D'Eon and his rather unusual situation. Many times, the challenge in writing comes from choosing the right words to convey what you wish to mean, and that just sucked me in.
Robin's part in the story (both figuratively and literally) is wonderful, since most fanfiction seems mostly focused on Durand and D'Eon. To see the little redheaded page in a position to become king of Scotland is a wonderful little twist and ensures that he will get a decent amount of screen time in this delightful little story. This made both of us very happy (especially Image, since Robin's her favorite).
Similarly, the revelation of the fact that D'Eon's father wasn't his father just has me on the edge of my seat. I mean, what a way to find out. Through a sliver of Lia's memory. And he can't be mad at her for that, because she was expressing sorrow and guilt over it as well.
This is a wonderful story, and the plot of Scotland and its interactions of France fit with the anime story very well. While the two of us aren't well researched on it, it seems that you *have* done the research and that is a magnificent breath of fresh air compared to many an author that just plows forward with now idea of the actual time period, or job, or whatever they're writing about. Authors *should* do research, and the fact that you have has garnered much respect from us as a result.
We very much look forward to another chapter of this story.
Now, if you don't mind, we have a few other things to say for constructive criticism.
Our primary complaint, above all else, is that your chapters are entirely too short. One scene isn't a chapter, it's a scene. Your story could easily be condensed into a smaller size by putting the chapters together. The way we think of things when breaking up chapters of any story is to think of how an episode of an anime would be. How much information would be dropped/how much action portrayed. For example, the Durand flashback could all be in one chapter ("Wobin". Hehehe. Soo cute! _) or one "episode". The arrival in Scotland, meeting up with Aewen and making sure Robin is properly equipped for his journey could be another chapter or episode.
While it's guaranteed that Durand, Robin, and D'Eon/Lia have stories arcs, this begs the question, what about Telligory?
We've taken French classes for several years and spoken with people from France. They usually don't like abbreviating names. As such, "Maxxy" is out of character for any French person.
The next critique we have is one that many authors take personally, and we pray that isn't the case here. We must preface by saying that we have been *burned* many times by female characters who steal the story as a "Mary Sue" (a common term from the fandom we started in). The result is that we are EXTREMELY touchy with any new female character who comes in and is such a major part of the story. With us being hyper-sensitive, we say that Aewan is walking a fine line. As she stands now, we don't have any problems with her. There are merely things that we can easily predict because of our (vast and ugly) experience. She is the princess, she and Durand are in love, she has a tragic back story with Aiden dying and scars on her back, she's probably going to be raped (or attempted) by Finad, and she will probably die by the end of the story OR follow along with the four French knights to stay with Durand (we're betting on the dying).
Since Aewen is essential to the story (as the missing princess) she *shouldn't* be pushed into the background. She has a very clear definition of honor with her dislike of backstabbing (literally and figuratively) and as a result, she doesn't want to betray our loveable French knights. We're not saying that any story around her is bad, just be careful that the focus always remains on our French knights. That should avoid the back-button phenomena so common with people who see a female character who wasn't in the show playing a lead role. Keep the points of view from the French knights whenever possible. It's a fine line, so be careful.
We patiently await your next update.
~~Mirror and Image
| Uma-hime chapter 2 . 6/12/2008
Nice story so far! wow there's twenty chapters! And I'm only on two? _; oh well, I look forward to reading them! Reall good job! Keep it up!
| J.Gabrielle chapter 15 . 5/28/2008
O... Sabishiiko! It's really a good morning read! Hahaha... I've just woken up really... That was seriously nice. I loved the Maximillian flashbacks and the Aiden/Robin issue. Are they in trouble though? Upload soon, ok?
| J.Gabrielle chapter 13 . 5/26/2008
You kinda lost me a little there. I think I'm gonna have to read back a bit to get the whole story line straightened out. Please forgive me if I'm sounding mean or anything, 'coz this story's GREAT! I'm just saying that sometimes you might need to elaborate a little more. I don't think I'd had ever thought of or managed to pull this off. Good job & can't wait to read the next chapter!
| Clap-For-Carolyn chapter 7 . 5/21/2008
w Very interesting! I'd love to see more!
| Destiny Lot chapter 1 . 5/2/2008
interesting idea, hope to read more soon.