Reviews for Shattered
Isabela Rosalie chapter 2 . 6/10/2008
I really like this story. It is really good. :]
november123 chapter 1 . 6/8/2008
You're seriously only 15 and are already this good at writing? Thats really impressive.
Cullenista chapter 1 . 6/8/2008
I discovered your story on someone's Favorite List and decided to check it out. You have a good insight into the characters and make some good points. I checked out your profile and discovered we have the same birthday (but not the same year). I'm also barely 5'3" and have long brown hair and green/brown eyes with the yellow ring around the pupil. Weird, huh? Edward and Alice are m favorite characters. I've got a long story you might like, Blue Moon Over Manka's... check it out.
legallyxbrunette chapter 2 . 6/6/2008
This is a good story but you need to read over your story because it goes from 1st person (Bella's POV) and then it switches to 3rd person (narrarators POV) in the same chapter, and it confuses the reader. You need to stay with one perspective. But other than that, it's pretty good, you just need to proofread it better.
Baakthatsthenoiseachickenmakes chapter 2 . 6/4/2008
wow... i love it even if its mostly fluff... i love fluff
Luckygrl27 chapter 2 . 5/29/2008
aw, that was really sweet. why did it change from 1st person to 3rd person somewhere near the end?
edwardsnewbella chapter 2 . 5/20/2008
hey this is pretty good just some helpful hints u always change from:

i held him, when he was done they just lay there together

notice the I then the THEY it gets pretty annoying plaese try to keep it first person or third person dont alternait other thanthat its a good story
arya is aweshum13 chapter 2 . 5/14/2008
omg! my eyes r watering! ur good!
The Romanticidal Edwardian chapter 2 . 5/2/2008
Loved it! So freaking much! I've always wanted to read one where he hurt her, and you made it really good! Because I was expecting what I usually read, which is:

-snap- "Oh no! I hurt you!"

"Oh yeah, look at that."

"I'm sorry!"

"It's okay."

"Okie dokie then."

And five minutes later they're skipping off into the sunset, her arm not even hurting anymore.

Anyway, one thing to point out is that you kind of switched back and forth between 1st person POV and 3rd, and I don't know if maybe you just got confused between what POV you wanted to write it in? It didn't really take away anything, but I did kindof make me go, 'huh?'
Sakiru Yume chapter 2 . 5/1/2008
Nice. That was really good. I really, really liked it. Good job.
Shanya-hp chapter 2 . 5/1/2008
oh my god..that was such a great story... so full of emotions! Beautiful written! love it!
Windy-08 chapter 2 . 4/27/2008
AW...
anauharris chapter 2 . 4/26/2008
you kept changing POV from first person to third. try to be more consistant. other than that, it was really good.
mom22boys chapter 2 . 4/26/2008
This was an awsome...hmm..."two shot". You are really good at writing out emotion. Maybe you share Jasper's gift. ;) I really enjoyed it!
Alicia chapter 2 . 4/26/2008
WOW! I typically don't like these kind of stories-but yours was REALLY good! Keep Writing!
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