|Reviews for Between times|
| To lazy to login chapter 1 . 2/5/2013
There were a few spelling mistakes and well They were in a cave so the only light would be from outside and Deidara only had one arm at the time cause Gaara tore his freaking arm off lol. Other than that I loved this story! Deidara and Gaara are sexy. :P
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
i think it was wonderful almost noise bleeding wonderful XD
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/8/2012
When doing yaoi.. pleeeeeease I Beg Of You, Do Not use g-spot.. use prostate.. it makes it sound better..
| HanyouNeko-Chan chapter 1 . 11/26/2011
Hrm ... Interesting plot XD Of course though, you do realize Sasori was with Deidara the whole time in the anime and manga, and that they were in a cave, where the only lighting came from the entrance, right XD?
I found a few minor spelling mistakes. Like your use of the word "new" at the end. You used the wrong new. The new you used is used to describe something never seen before, i.e. a new toy. The new you were looking for is "knew" as in; "I knew that was going to happen"
There were a few more spelling errors, but I'm far too lazy to point them out XD
Your sentence; "When he felt that he couldn't stretch no more, he pulled his fingers out and started pumping Gaara' cock quicker, as he hoped he wouldn't hurt the other to much." Well ... I have to say you could have worded it much differently ...
Instead of saying "He felt that he couldn't stretch no more" you should have used something like "He felt like he couldn't stretch any more" because when you use to negative connotations (i.e. couldn't and no) in the same sentence when you're trying to express something you can't do (i.e. stretching Gaara any further), it becomes the opposite and means you actually CAN do it. I know, it's rather confusing; but it's how it goes.
Also, instead of saying "and started pumping" you probably should have said "And started to pump"
You used the wrong "to" in "as he hoped he wouldn't hurt the other to much." you were actually looking for "too". "Too" means you want to do something (i.e. "I want to go to the store too."), "to" means you want to go somewhere or take something somewhere (i.e. "Help be take that book back to the library.").
Instead of saying "When he felt that he couldn't stretch no more, he pulled his fingers out and started pumping Gaara' cock quicker, as he hoped he wouldn't hurt the other to much." you could have said; "When he felt he couldn't stretch him any further, he pulled his fingers out and started to pump Gaara's member (or "cock" if you truly prefer), for he hopes it would cause him less pain."
That's how I would do it, anyways ...
Perhaps you should have someone beta your stories? Betas check for grammatical errors (You were lacking in grammar a bit), punctuation errors (not that you needed it), sentence structure (which was also lacking)and perhaps help to revise your story and either help detail it or change some of the words around so it sounds a little more professional?
I apologize if you found any of this insulting, it was truly not my intention. I just wanted to give you some friendly advice so you could possibly learn from your errors and become that much better as a writer c:
If you need any more help in the future, I'd be more than happy to assist you!
| gaara'sGurl101 chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
your spelling was bad but i liked the story
| Namitha chapter 1 . 7/5/2010
oh that was amazing! I loved it. Great job!
| Alex-Loves-Her-Louie chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
I never thought about putting Dei and Gaara together. I never really liked Gaara, but this story has made me see him in a new light. Great story.
| ELMO-kibafangirl11 chapter 1 . 5/2/2009
aw... the ending was sad...
but the rest of it was good!
| Nightmother chapter 1 . 4/7/2009
that they know of. though i guess even if Dei found out he survived, visiting him would be difficult.
| Rose uzumaki chapter 1 . 10/14/2008
all i can say is...i was thouroghly disturbed and yet i loved it...crepy...but still hot and awsome D
| ignis crudelis chapter 1 . 8/26/2008
Seriously. I don't think I have anything critique-y to say. It was good! Very good! ;3
| yaoi-midnight-mistress chapter 1 . 8/12/2008
Dude don't you think the sand demon would have come out? I mean with that much pain, he should have. Some spelling errors but hey, who cares. Nice job, if you want to read a Gaara and Sasuke manga Yaoi contact me.
| Micuko chapter 1 . 7/30/2008
wow, so cool. loved it. *_* It was hot :)
| Ishamaru Butterfly chapter 1 . 7/10/2008
I thought this was really good i enjoyed it and i think you accuratley portrayed both Gaara and Swidara's personalities.
| The Reborn Akatsuki chapter 1 . 5/29/2008
prety good for a one shot