|Reviews for ED'S A SCREEMER|
| your fav chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
I burst out laughing when you said "...looks like Ed's a screamer"
| Devin Aiden Teague chapter 1 . 6/26/2011
Cute story idea, and it would be very interesting to see more to it.
I do have some advice for you though. First, try to keep up with spelling, punctuation, and capitalization -basic grammar skills- in your story. Surely you could have used spell-check on whatever you typed this on? I know that certain things aren't picked up by spell check (you used hole instead of whole and meat instead of meet; I also noticed a few others, but spell-check never catches homophones, so don't feel bad), but "scetches" is just completely wrong. You also misspelled a word in the title. Second, try to get the character's names right. Winry came out winery (not even capitalized...) and it's slightly frustrating when someone gets names wrong. Third, Try to do something to differentiate their thinking from the rest of the story and from their speaking. And last, I know the ... is fun to use (trust me, I use the hell out of it too), but try to cut down on it? Using it too much detracts from your story and does get a bit confusing.
Wow. I sound like a complete bitch, but I promise that's not my intention. I'm just an enthusiastic English major. I like teaching people and helping improve their writing. (I wish others would do the same for me. XD)
Anyways, hopefully this long-ass rant doesn't offend you. If you even read it, seeing as this story is about 3 years old...
| alchemicmonkey chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
kinda odd, but overall i liked it. 'my little Ed' love it
| The Real Lust chapter 1 . 6/24/2009
0.0 wow i am speechless it was a great story but plz ed can't be gay...too many girls love him
| yaoi lover chapter 1 . 6/2/2009
it needs more details for their sex
| Nana Akane chapter 1 . 6/26/2008
ok I love yaoi, but I'm drunk and I still think this is awful. Learn to spell the characters' names at least, please. (ie Winry, Elric,etc.)
| Kai Tsubaki chapter 1 . 5/15/2008
ok...so i thought it waas very cute...only confusing part is when they think to themselves...try italics and/or quotes...it will make the story way easier to understand...besides that good job!
| RockerMoMo chapter 1 . 5/6/2008
Dude Sweet hahahahaha
| ketsuekilover chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
wow. it was awesome but there were a few spelling errors.
| MithLuin chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
You change point of view in this like crazy - Ed's, Roy's, a narrator's, Al's...it gives me whiplash trying to figure out who's thinking/talking and what's going on! I can understand wanting to vary the point of view, but please not so much in such a short piece. (No Ed, I'm not calling you short, get over it.)
Also, all thoughts and dialogue are in stream-of-consciousness, so it sounds like everyone is hyped up on way too much caffeine or completely panicked the whole time. Consider the use of periods, and making characters speak in sentences. Also, if you make thoughts italicized, it's easier on the reader.
Based on your level of description, this fic was not rated M. T would have been sufficient, surely. Since the automatic filter on is K - T, you'll get more readers if you don't label it M.
The idea of Ed doodling in a sketch pad and ignoring everyone was kinda cute, and I don't think I've seen that in a fic before.
| Amy chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
Hey, that was good for your first try.
and Im all for RoyEd..but maybe you should not call Ed a 'boy' ...Roy is already pushing liking Ed as it is try not to drag the age difference in there ...Um if you do call him a boy..at least give around about age (please not like 12)
a little more detail wouldn't hurt either (to lengthen the story not the um lemon-ish part)
Sorry. But I do like the story its cute :D