Reviews for Seasons of Cloud and Shadow, Like the Desert Remix
sangi chapter 1 . 10/21/2014
I really loved this. Thank you for sharing with us.

What worked: The language - very smooth and it slides together beautifully. The analogies (and imagery) - heavy at times but not in a bad way, very fitting. The details - used sparingly for impact ("the bitter alkali flavor that seeped from the cistern stones"). A beautiful read.

What didn't work: I had to reach for something and came up with dialogue tags. There are a lot of dialogue tags and I don't think you needed them all. But it didn't really lessen the impact of the story.

Again, thanks for sharing. Really wonderful.
pygmymeese chapter 1 . 3/15/2014
This is really, really cool. I love the fairy tale feel and the order it's jumbled and the way you use water through every little piece. This is just an immensely satisfying story.
silver neko girl chapter 1 . 8/24/2011
N'awww. It made me cry.

(In particular, this is the line that sticks with me.

"He fills the empty spaces.")

I really like your take on Shikamaru/Temari. And your story was heart-wrenching and, well, cruel like fairy tales can be.
Mordred LeFay chapter 1 . 8/24/2010
I liked the poetic language, the repetition of the beginning at the end, and how all the stuff you said in the section "Dew" is very very true.
Katy chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
I just LOVE your writing style. And the story itself. I liked the titles. Keep writing!
Katy chapter 1 . 7/31/2010
Hammi.the.Danger.Child chapter 1 . 4/3/2010
first chapter (or whatever you wanna call it) is way better. Especially since you didn't put her death at the end but rather in the middle. That created a sort of jump along and flashback affect. It really impacted the story in that it focused on the journey, with the end in sight but the time in between birth and death more vivid and real. It made it so that it was sad, like a memory, fleeting like a storm, but memorable like a sunrise. Very, very splendid work.

Even the parts where she broke poetry with her words or whatever and it sounded a bit awkward, that just added to it. Like a storm, the flashbacks were like lightning and it was just awesome. Wow. I'm so very impressed.
Tigger chapter 1 . 4/3/2010
oh, goodness. this was so... amazing. it was like I could see flashes of this going through my mind, and it was sad and beautiful and oh, goodness. It's like I felt rain the whole story, it's like the story capture the entire essence of rain. Beautiful.
Velvet Green chapter 1 . 6/18/2009
I love this! It's almost poetic, and I like how you use different styles for the different sections; I especially like how you incorporate the 'fairytale' aspect.
Mariagoner chapter 2 . 5/28/2009
This was so beautiful, especially the first chapter. The way Temari died was a true punch to the gut. Wonderful work.
Amrun chapter 1 . 5/19/2009
I really enjoyed thıs. It ıs cleverly wrıtten and succıntly summarızes a realıstıc love story. I dıdnt lıke the second versıon because ıt got too much ınto specıfıcs and dıd not work nearly half as well.

As far as what works, I thınk nearly everythıng ın the fırst versıon works well and deserves to be ın the fınal cut. As for what does not work, the water headıngs are kınd of lame ın my opınıon. (Vırga, Fountaın, Dew, etc.) I understand what you were goıng for, but I dont thınk they shed enough ınsıght to merıt ınclusıon.

I also dıdnt lıke thıs one paragraph ın the last sectıon:

The only question is whether you think the story is worthwhile during its brief flight through your mind and heart. All things end, but death doesn't negate life. The end of a storm doesn't negate the rain seeping into the earth. An ending can shade what came before, but never overwrite it. Even if we forget or ignore the past, everything that happened is still true.

It feels too preachy to me and ıs separate from the tone of the rest of the story. Not only that, but ıt takes your poınt out of the land of the subtle and ınto the realm of the beatıng a dead horse. If you want to use a deeply meanıngful passage as an epıtaph, ıt ıs poıntless assume your readershıp cannot comprehend ıt wıthout your explıcıt assıstance. If you feel the passage ıs too complıcated for the fandom, whıch ıs entırely possıble but not the case here ın my opınıon, then dont ınclude ıt at all. You can only repeat a novel concept so many tımes before ıt ıs no longer novel.

That beıng saıd, thıs lıttle vıgnette that uses one of my favourıte poetry of all tıme was a breath of fresh aır. Overall, I fınd ıt hıghly successful but would fınd ıt more so ıf ıt stood on ıts own ın one chapter. Thanks for sharıng!
een nihc chapter 2 . 5/6/2009
Your writing is rather unique and it was an interesting remix. I love the metaphor of water. The second part was more conventional but it ties back the story nicely. Best of all, it inspires me to write too : )
ihatewriting chapter 2 . 5/2/2009
I liked the first chapter a little more than the second. Her death scene was quite good.
brandeee chapter 1 . 4/15/2009
I liked this a lot- your style is very interesting. I've been looking through the ShikaTema fics here for a few hours now, but I think that this is the first one that I've really liked. I'm not sure about the placement of the second-to-last segment though... I'm not entirely sure where it would have been better, just that it seems sort of out-of-place there. :/ At any rate though, this is really good imo.
Helisse chapter 2 . 1/14/2009
I love how you write them. even if you're giong to kill them off eventually. well, one of them.

I would also like to see how they get together,, you know? That's usually the thing that ineterst me the most in stories about them.
39 | Page 1 .. Last Next »