|Reviews for the note|
| Not-So-GentleFist chapter 1 . 12/3/2014
I only have one comment...
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SCHOOL STARTS BEFORE 5 AM! That's just cruel torture-cation!
| LW12 chapter 1 . 5/10/2014
pretty good story
| ili777 chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
It was a really good plot and the fic was good, it would ave been a lot better though if everything wasn't that fast and was a bit more descriptive,otherwise great job :)
| JokerndHarley794 chapter 1 . 1/11/2011
Really awesome story! Sex in a cave ;D
| kiuibi123 chapter 1 . 4/8/2010
5:00? am or pm? and who has lunch at 5:00? anyway awsum fic!
| SkyeBrat chapter 1 . 11/20/2009
Not bad, but the this has the same major problem most others have.
Self-inserts. You're putting your personality into the characters, instead of trying to think of what thoughts or words they would use.
"don't give a crap" ? "oh shit!" ? Hinata would turn into a tomato if she ever used this kind of language. She's an uber-shy girl, and this self-inserting takes away from her character.
| Apex Soldier chapter 1 . 10/18/2009
Like the story and lemon!
I'm trying to write my own lemon and kind of need some advice...
Got any to give... if not it's cool...
| Cherokee chapter 1 . 7/17/2009
Hi I think it was great but mabye you should add more detail. Like exactly were he licks and how he licks, and the way it feels when her body explodes into millons of ribbions of pleasure and... ah yea... like that... well... love your work keep writing!
| Kasuchi Koichi chapter 1 . 8/22/2008
This deffiently needs more chapters or a sequel. It was great!
| Primus2021 chapter 1 . 7/27/2008
I WANT MORE, please more chapters, this is a SWEET fic, Later.
| JackRabbit361 chapter 1 . 6/17/2008
Umm...well. I've read better. It started off in a really awkward fashion,*the whole undressing part was odd* but it ended well. And yea, separate your sentences, put thoughts in '..' or italics. That would help a lot with the flow of your story. And only because I am a nut about it, try using spell check. :)
| 123654789 chapter 1 . 6/17/2008
it was ok.
| AlexaSinead chapter 1 . 5/7/2008
that was so cool
| THE HEE-HO KING chapter 1 . 5/6/2008
Not bad could have been a little more descriptive but still good
| sortajan chapter 1 . 5/6/2008
Don't ever use acronyms, abbreviations, or slang terms like "ya" or "yea." Just some friendly advice.