Reviews for Your house
christibabe chapter 1 . 8/22/2013
I think the story would mean more to the reader if you were to include the lyrics of the song. That way, even if someone's never heard the song, at least they would know what Harm is hearing. It's funny sometimes, how we'll hear a song and it gives birth to the idea of a story. I never cared much for them either at one time. That is until I heard that one song, and the characters took over.
Centaurious chapter 1 . 7/12/2011
Harm does not stay to listen to the song's ending. He grabs his keys from

the counter, pulls on a sweatshirt lying across a bar stool, races out of

his loft and takes the stairs two at a time, down to where his SUV is

parked.

He drives away on auto-pilot and is startled to find himself in Mac's

apartment about half an hour later. Hmmm
PCondor chapter 1 . 2/6/2011
I think this would have worked a lot better if you had included the lyrics that prompted it!
delete1234567890 chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
This story didn't make much sense. It had a lot of weird comma errors that made it hard to read.

The last line: The rest of the song made him gasp in pain, as it

mirrored Paraguay, and his losing Mac there when she said 'never', so very achingly closely. I didn't understand it.
anthfan chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
alix33, Since you have chosen to not allow private messages I had no other way to contact you. I have not asked for a beta. I appreciate the kind things you have said about my story and I'm glad you're enjoying it however, some of your suggested corrections are actually incorrect. I realize that I can't stop you from reviewing but I am giving you an opportunity to stop including your corrections in your reviews of my story, especially incorrect corrections.
wandamarie chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
it was a good one thanks hope you write more thanks
elflordsmistress chapter 1 . 10/6/2009
Just ran across this. It feels to me as though it's just a springboard - to something that could have become a much longer story. Why did you stop there, and why haven't you written anything else since?

ellie
sorree chapter 1 . 8/10/2008
wow there's much tension in that one, but i like it, you could make a full blown story out of it... by the way thanks for the review ,-)
JagfanNat chapter 1 . 8/7/2008
this is complete?

Firstly I have no idea what song he heard as the lyrics are not included, and the whole feel of the story seems to jump all over the place...don't get me wrong, the idea was good. But just doesn't seem well thought out before putting it to print. Good luck on your next attempt.
aserene chapter 1 . 5/5/2008
interesting beginning, i'm very curious to see where you'll take this.