Reviews for White Rain
pkrao chapter 19 . 1/20/2012
I reviewed this chapter earlier, and as I was rereading this story from start to finish-as I so often do when I find myself bored-I suddenly started wondering about Naruto's history. Throughout this story, you've made vague mentions as to how exactly Naruto became Hokage, and I'm assuming it's intentionally vague to avoid any possible contradictions with the manga. With that in mind, I would understand if you feel hesitant giving an answer to this question, but I just have to ask. Has Naruto trained a team of genin at some point before he became Hokage? If so, will they make an appearance at any point, or play a minor role?

Also, as a side note, I hope your job hunt is going well. I wish you the best.
NemoXIV chapter 19 . 1/16/2012
I absolutely love this story, have yet to find a fault in your writing or read a chapter that did not engage me. I can't wait to read more!
dongaro chapter 18 . 1/15/2012
Very enjoyable. I read it through in one day and found it very addictive. I usually don't care for next gen fics, let alone ones with OCs but this was really well written. The intro caught my attention, Itachi came off as an interesting character, and the plot made me curious.

In particular I like how in character the older generation is. And the behind teh scenes dealings are well thoguhtout and realist.

Out of all teh original characters I like Lucia, Rina and Itachi the most. Each for different reasons. Lucia has the most interestign personality (I kind of hope she ends up with someone, or opens up0, Rina (you just know she knows more then she lets on), and Itachi ( shonen hero, although better than most).

In some ways one could point out Itachi is growing too fast, but I think it's plausible since his father was Itachi. Also the techniques are basic, but kept interesting. Basically he's a well thoguht out and well written character.

The writing is amazing. Few gramatical errors, but mostly great. The description and passing is good. And the various subplots are well handled (I like the Hinata Naruto one myself).

Overall very nice fanfic I look forward to reading mroe whenever you are done the next chapter.
hissori.yoru chapter 19 . 1/14/2012
The end of the match from Lucia's POV

Now I am really curious about her background. Her country hired ninja for sure but she doesn't know how grusome their battles can get. She doesn't see the battle as a sport but as just that: a battle. More likely: she can't see her son being something other than what she has in her head. As her stay in the village lengthens, we see her waver but she is resolute.

It is interesting to note that "she believes in her choice". Does she think it is justice? With the tears gathering, it easy to see that she is really not the cold woman she portrays herself to be. Just one who has been lonely all her life. Her sister was right.

Lucia vs. Feudal Lords (revelations forthcoming!)

I can't wait for the next chapter! Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Naru/Hina (comments from fans of this pairing?)

lol I'm not a fan for any pairing in the series. I have to say though, this is a new take on NaruHina. There relationship has very little... talking, but there is communication. I especially liked how you revealed Naruto grew to be Hokage (seeing shinobi as fighters, lovers, children as opposed to as tools of war) through Hinata's eyes.

Naruto vs. Yukio

This was beautiful, and I was filled with a sense of relief knowing that Yukio was set right. As I read on I really started liking Yukio's character. I also liked Naruto's analysis of the situation. He spoke as though looking at the heart of the village, their beliefs, their will of fire.

It's funny how, despite emotion being high, Naruto doesn't stop to drop the ball on Sasuke and Lucia.

Sasuke's reflections - continuation of Uchiha

Don't know what to say here. Seems like he is trying to come to terms with accepting responsibility.

Naruto talks to Sasuke and Lucia of Itachi U.

This chapter... Lucia, the person who has been silent about her quest for more than ten years ago, is going to confess after learning about Itachi's truth?

What is the inheritance? Is it not money? Or maybe how the money was obtained. Gehard is aware of what it is, it seems. This is what I have been waiting for!

Itachi Jr. EYE

I was wondering for a bit why it would not be possible to fix his eye completely since eye surgeries are done in the series so often it is ridiculous. Itachi's eye was a destroyed one being fixed whereas most surgeries in the show are transplants.

Other Genin sprinkled in (Haro, Amaya, Michiko, Jumei)

Amaya was acknowledged by her father? That's wonderful. She got what she wanted. It looks like everyone is curious about why Itachi is learning to be a ninja. His late entrance (at the age of 12) is what is making everyone curious. I assume the adults are suspicious of her mother because of this, since the kids themselves think something is strange. After that fight, Itachi was acknowledged, since he could hold himself against Yukio and his team. yay!


Now I understand what you meant by Yukio being a distinct character. Loved, loved, loved what you did with him! I am really looking forward to the next chapter if only to see more of him. I assume there will be a meeting with Itachi.

Rina / Grass

Rina, despite being very intelligent, is very naive and was easily manipulated. I think Lucia's declarations of always having loved Itachi Jr. may have led Rina to believe that Lucia loved Itachi Jr. because of who his father was. Poor kid. But really! All throughout the chapter, Ino, Sasuke, Naruto, (some very important people!) are wondering who the heck taught Itachi the jutsu that cost him! While I was reading, I just kept wondering if Rina is somewhere close by listening to all this.


Chapter 20 will be full of revelations! I am very really looking forward to it. :)
Manic Dogma chapter 19 . 1/14/2012
well, this is genuinely excellent. thorough planning is evident, and i don't think i've ever read a fanfic that displays the overly secretive shinobi psyche so prominently.

i do have one question though. wether he's sealed or naruto managed to penetrate his bitter misanthropy, the Kyuubi's presence should still be evident, at least in Naruto's POV sections, and should have been referenced as another chakra source in his exhibition against sasuke. Is this intentional, or did you forget about one of the most prominent factors in Naruto's psychological development? and assuming it was intentional, why?

i do not have an account with and am not in the habit of handing out my e-mail, so if you could post some manner of response in the author's notes of your next chapter, that would be splendid.

That said, keep up the good work ;). nice to see professional quality writing in a fanfic.
kuromimi chapter 19 . 1/11/2012
Yo! Maybe I can voice from the quiet ones[./shot.]. Well I guess the reason behind their silent actions is because, We [me for the most part] are absolutely left speechless by your chapters!

In all honesty I can say that the level of depth that this story has is beyond my imagination!

My applaud to you for your effortless grace in delivering this story; the amount of emotion, twists and all the other drama inside this story is immensely heavy. And for you to portray is so fluidly is absolutely amazing!

You mentioned this was OC? hmm, I don't particularly think so, I'd prefer to call it a new perspective. :) And given that they are older it should warrant more maturity with the characters, minus Sasuke hahahaha! [i love him for who he is though]

On one note, there was a sentence in some part of a chapter [i forgot when and where i was too engrossed with your story that i never noticed the chapters fly by!] it was after Sakura and Sasuke's break up, the time when she trained them,team four, Itachi asked if she could teach him Chidori but she told Itachi that she would teach him lightning based attacks. I was confused because you stated, from what i remembered: "Sasuke felt his heart beat quicken with excitement..." or something of the sort after it. I reread that particular sentence thrice and the same name popped out: Sasuke, I think it was supposed to be Itachi in that sentence.?

Anyway, Rina is peculiar child. Very peculiar indeed.

Keep up the great work! I look forward to your update!

I would have praised you more however im not as gifted with words and expressing my gratitude however big they may be. :D
Joy-girl chapter 19 . 1/10/2012
I'm always glad to see more Rina action! I think her and her brother (Half brother? I think I missed that, or is that new information?) are really cute, but then I've always had a weakness for older brother/younger sister relationships. Otherwise, I'm more interested in Sasuke/Sakura aspect. For someone, such as myself, who loves your story (and particularly started reading it) for the SasuSaku goodness, Lucia takes over too much in the story for my tastes. Naruto and Hinata are always adorable, especially as they are older and aren't completely clueless or fainting. As for Itachi's eye, it's entirely possible for him to continue on with just one sharingan. Not to mention, I think that Sakura could work with his eye (of course, that is me getting ideas from other stories about her and the sharingan). All in all, I look foreword to the next chapter!
AllePaula chapter 19 . 1/10/2012
YEY ! New chapter! *-*

I have to say I thought that Lucia was going go crazy and snap!

I really like it that scene , and all the drama that happen in this chapter!

And Yukio ! Oh that was great! I kind like him , I hope and Itachi Jr. became friends (like Sasuke and Naruto) And what about Itachi eye? I don't know yet what I think about that, rsrs.

Oh I have to say , Sasuke's reflection got me confuses! I think in the next chapter I be able to understand.

And Rina , poor girl ! I hope she kick some ass ( because I have the feeling tha she is very strong, Sasuke will be proud!)

PS: I hope to see more Sakura in the next chap.I think that her point of view in this situation will be good.

HAHA Good work! ;) Beijos!
Rin-elwin chapter 19 . 1/9/2012
I liked the fight scene via Lucia. I have trouble following fight scenes at times, so having it described from a different perspective made it easier for me :).

This chapter ended with a lot of suspense! I'm on my toes waiting for the next one! Hopefully it isn't as much trouble to write as this one was.

Good luck with everything!
Guest chapter 19 . 1/7/2012
I would recommend it, but I don't have any friends who would read Naruto fanfic, regardless of how good it is. So I'm pretty useless on that front.

But my feelings in this chapter can be summed up as, "Yukio and Rina. Be friends, be friends. NO MY BABY!"

Pretty much. I think I need to stop doing things that get me overemotional as it does not translate well to the real world.
Solvdrage chapter 19 . 1/6/2012
Great chapter as usual. I'm a huge Naruhina fan and it was nice to see a more 'restrained' take on their relationship. It was far more mature. Though, that can be chalked up to them being older.

Anyways, this was a very strong chapter and I will be eagerly awaiting the next one. You ended on a hell of a cliffhanger.
Nokito-chan chapter 19 . 1/6/2012
White Rain has been sitting in my favorites for ages (ever since I found your LJ essays - pure awesomeness, btw!) and I apologize that I've only now gotten round to reading and reviewing!

OC's and next gen are very hard to pull off and for that alone I felt you deserved a review; in general your OC's are personable, engaging and relatable. Honestly you are the first author where I feel the OC's were integrated so beautifully into a Naruto setting that I could actually say I care about them as much as the characters we know and love.

Itachi jr.: wow, just wow. You probably get this a lot but I'm simply amazed by the character depth and the incredible talent you display in making him come alive for the reader. You do an incredible job of helping the reader get into his head and his world, all the while developing the character slowly and perfectly so it feels incredibly real. I also appreciated that you didn't make him a clone of his parents though he does share certain traits with them. I honestly found myself laughing and crying and stressing with him!

Lucia: Now here you've outdone yourself! What an incredibly intricate character and what a delicious foil for Itachi (sr.) I love how you use her to characterize him. The secrets, the lies, the horrible aspects of her personality ... And yet I find myself sympathetic to her. (And rabidly curious as to what drives her xD) even if I don't agree with her actions I can't help but (somewhat) understand where she's coming from. I love how she's this incredibly strong person and the way you use her failings and her weaknesses to highlight her strength and determination. A wee bit of speculation: imo, she's beginning to show some signs of growth, maybe a tad of trust? Either way, I think there's a lot she could - and should - learn from recent events and I'm really looking forward to her reaction and her thoughts once Naruto has talked to her a bit more. The masochism was an interesting touch - very well done too and I can't help but wonder what made you decide to explore that side of her? Or rather I can't wait to find out why exactly she has such a side at all!

Rina: hmmm ... Not quite sure what to make of her yet. Disarming child, certainly but I'm not entirely sure I LIKE her, you know? She has talent, she cares about her family and at the moment she's being manipulated by people and events that are still just slightly beyond her. I'm interested to see if the actions of the Grass ninja will bring her out of her shell a bit - if it will finally allow her to realize her potential. She's a lot like Lucia, yeah? But even so I find it harder to get a handle on her and her motivations than Lucia!

Sakura: I'm floored! She's strong yet emotional (and not just because of the pregnancy) imo, you've done the impossible in capturing her EXACTLY as Kishi means her to be though he occassionally loses her xD. Often in fanfics she comes across too harsh but especially in her interaction with Sasuke I like how you kept a tad of that gentleness and the way she always showed her caring of him! She's not just this weak character that got strong and now she has to maintain that and you did a wonderful job of fleshing her out!

Sasuke: poor, poor lost boy. The anger, the fear, the insecurity ... All comes across so wonderfully! He's obviously most stable with Sakura and Naruto and I liked how you portrayed that. But I also like how your Sasuke is REALISTICALLY done - the training was spot on; he isn't above being somewhat mean to Itachi jr. And I think in a way being so incredibly hard on the kid was what made your Sasuke believable and IC. At the end of it, even if he does patch things up, it won't change the past and he won't be any less damaged. You showcased this in his guilt and his anger. The desire to change is there though, buried deep, and I think it'll be interesting to see where he goes from here after the revelations. Of course, I want to kick him for his treatment of Sakura but I have hope he'll come round and that being said: can't wait for more SasuSaku - it's epic hearts

Itachi Sr.: I LOVE how you don't shy away from the bad aspects of his character. After the truth came out, Itachi got put onto a pedestal and though I worship at his altar, it's so refreshing to have him shown in all his flawed glory. That's what makes him such an incredible character! You don't shy away from showing him as a person with frighteningly dark emotional issues; he did bad things and though he's a good person at heart there's more to him than just self-sacrifice.

Characterization in general is incredible. Every single character has their flaws and weaknesses highlighted - I especially liked that Itachi not only lost the genin challenge match but got badly hurt. I feel sorry for him but the realism is wonderful! They are ninja and battles are dangerous and the right people don't always win. The caliber of your writing shows in every word. They all feel so real to me! They stay consistent and growth fits with the story and feels natural, not rushed. The way you mesh the plot from chapter to chapter is breathtaking; despite the intricacy and the layer upon layer of secrets and lies it's easy to follow and reads smooth as silk. You tantalize just enough to peak interest and keep it peaked without over-dramatizing or forcing anything.

It's wonderfully written, of course (that almost goes without saying!) The devices you use (I loved the snow as white rain image! That whole section was so powerful I got goosebumps!)and the descriptions made this story a truly enjoyable experience.

The themes are clearly laced throughout but I especially like how you keep coming back to family - how everyone, at the core of it, seem to be motivated only to try and protect what they hold dear through whatever means necessary.

Your action scenes ... SO well done! Clear, easy to follow and imagine in my mind's eye, logical and smoothly flowing without being over-the-top and far-fetched.

All in all, a wonderful story that's been beautifully plotted and executed. I started to read and was sucked in from the get-go; I barely worked the last two days as I couldn't stop thinking about the story xD.

I look forward to future updates!

Happy writing

Goldberry chapter 19 . 1/6/2012
Okay, so I might have done a happy dance when I saw Tenten and Neji in this chapter. Seriously. Even as small as it was made me overjoyed!

In consequence, I was blind to everything else. HAHA. Just kidding. Is it weird that I don't like Lucia? There's just something about her... I really felt for Sasuke in this chapter though, and I loved the portrayal of Sakura in this. Lovely job!
Ebony-Dove chapter 19 . 1/6/2012
Losing your job is no exscues! Ok well maybe it is...But anyway Im glade you updated, this chapter did not dissapoint. discriptions were beauteful, emotions were laid out perfectly and plot seems to be moving quite nicely. Youve also peaked my intrust about Lucias secret. :3 And this could just be my bizzar mind jumping to conclustions, but will there by any chance be romance (or at least attraction)between Rina and Yukio? I enjoyed this chapter and hope for more as soon as you get the time.

Solvdrage chapter 13 . 1/6/2012
I cannot for the life of me understand why this fanfic doesn't have over a thousand reviews. Granted, I haven't exactly been reviewing every chapter. I've been far too engrossed in this story to do pull myself away at times.

Some things I would like to point out: This is one of the best takes on a reformed Sasuke I've ever seen.

This is also one of the best "Hokage Naruto" takes I've ever seen as well.

Your OCs are fleshed out and are integrated into the story superbly without outshining the canon characters even though they are the focus.

Overall, one of the strongest stories I have ever read. Fantastic work all around.
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