Reviews for Puma versus Paradox
That other reviewer chapter 1 . 10/12/2011
this has nothing to do with this story...

what happened to fallout equestia? I just got to chapter 38.
Master of the Boot chapter 3 . 3/27/2011
Well this was certainly intense. at the end of this chapter, i myself was short of breath from the excitement :)

This is actually a rocking good chapter with a magnificent ending. And you avoided any sues and stu's in this fic, so bonus to you.


Master of the Boot
Master of the Boot chapter 2 . 3/27/2011
I remember the matrix. The first time i saw it it scared me. But the second time I saw it, I knew what I was missing.

Reading this fic is like taking a trip down memory lane for me. It's good to be back in Matrixland again :D


Master of the Boot
Master of the Boot chapter 1 . 3/27/2011
I must say that curiousity finally got the better of me :) This is actually not bad. It's a little rough but the idea is great. And I love the comparison to anime, the Matrix definitely has some anime influence on it.


Master of the Boot
Metropolis Kid chapter 3 . 9/22/2008
The Content was solid and interesting, but you really shouldn't start a story with a prolonged fight scene, especually when the future chapters take place before the fight. You need to build the story so that the readers care about and relate to the character, especially if they're OCs, before you stage long fights. Don't get me wrong, a short little teaser fight at the beginning of a story can be a good hook, but it should only be long enough to get the readers attention and end in some mysterious way that compels them to continue. Anyway, I'd switch things around: Second chapter first, third chapter second and if you're planing on any more, hold of on the fight until people are more familiar with the OCs. If you only want the three chapters, you can put the fight in third.

Okay, now that I've gotten the critique out of the way, the fight itself was pretty good. You describe everything that's happening well, and it can be easily pictured in one's head. The rest of the story's interesting, even if it is a bit predictable. And you didn't use cookie cutter personalities for the main characters, which is a good thing BTW. I really hope this review hasn't discouraged you. With a little reworking and polish, this could be a very good fanfic. The potential is there. You just need to bring it to the surface.

There are also a couple of small things you can chang that will make a big difference. 1. You tend to switch tenses quite a bit. This is something that I have a problem with too. but it is a no, no. When you switch tense, you disrupt the flow of the story and pull the reader out of the fantasy. I've found that the easiest thing to do is just write the whole thing (Except for speech and thoughts) in past tense. 2. In the second two chapters you occasionally switch from third person narrative to first. This is also a bad idea. And it's also something that I've been guilty of. The best way to handle this, I think, is to keep the third person; and when you want to get inside one of the characters' heads, use an italicized thought line. Anyway, I hope you continue to write. You've got some real potential. This story is a heck of a lot better than my first fanfic. LoL.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.