|Reviews for Altomare revisited|
| Xyoras chapter 46 . 5/29/2016
Delia doesn't give them her blessings does she, that's how most of these fics go anyway.
| Xyoras chapter 37 . 5/29/2016
Please remember Latias's wings.
| Xyoras chapter 23 . 5/29/2016
Sabrina is a human psychic
Will the first Johto elite four is a human psychic
The twin gym leaders in HOENN areas human psychics
Olympia the seventh gym leader in Kalos is a human psychic
Probably almost every on in Olympia's and Sabrina's gyms are psychics in training
So that's about 1121301550
| Xyoras chapter 21 . 5/28/2016
No, it would be a terrible ending, and you have 29 chapters left of this story alone.
| Xyoras chapter 3 . 5/28/2016
ITS shows possession
IT ' S means either IT HAS or IT IS
It's just basic English, if one writes in English, one must know how to use what is considered proper grammar in said language.
| Guest chapter 25 . 3/22/2016
latios not latias
| Lon3r2016 chapter 9 . 2/16/2016
this story is awesome, i am absolutely loving reading this, great job and awesome choice of words
| Malagastago chapter 49 . 1/13/2016
I have to say I am quite impressed with your work. you got the balance of action, cliffhanging and romance spot-on. ill have you know when I read the first chapter I was entranced and kept on reading. thankyou for that...ooh and keep up the good work. yet again...
| ocean blue chapter 13 . 7/19/2015
| Mr Gamer386 chapter 9 . 5/22/2015
I like the story where I am at is just the chapters needed to be longer
| Gardevoir687 chapter 50 . 1/31/2015
This story was absolutely adorable. You're a genius at writing this stuff, I don't know how you do it, but it's fantastic!
| riku chapter 42 . 1/1/2015
how old is ash?
| Lord Sunder chapter 1 . 11/26/2014
Your first sentence contains a comma splice, and your first paragraph has like... 3-4 different people speaking. I'm sure you know that the latter is a big no-no with regards to dialogue, because you do start following proper formatting with regard to new speakers later on. Basically, it's a confusing mess for anyone not already scarred by the grammatical horrors of , and you should probably fix it.
Homophones #1: To, too, two. 'I would love too' is the wrong one. 'I would love some, too' might just about be an appropriate (if extremely awkward) way of asking for a cup of tea, but in this case, you want 'to'.
I also can't really picture any of this, because as introductions go, this is like... 95% dialogue. I mean, I could go and look at screencaps from the movies, but hey, it's your job as a writer to set the scene with adequate levels of description. It's not enough. These scenes are really rushed, and you don't really take the time to set them before leaping into character interactions.
Homophones the second: its and it's. 'No its not' doesn't make grammatical sense, because you want a contraction of 'it is' rather than the possessive form of 'it'.
Other than that, dialogue sections are still made up of sentences. The usual requirement on ending sentences with full stops applies here, with some caveats. You basically never put a full stop on your dialogue tags before moving to a new line, and it's irksome, because while some languages legitimately do work like this, English isn't one of them.
I know people on this site can be really, really uncritical, not to mention enabling. You asked for criticism, so that's what I got so far. There's more fiddly stuff as well, but honestly when I'm having to ask you to put full stops on the end of your sentences, all of that minor stuff pales in comparison.
| K.T.S chapter 14 . 11/16/2014
What does umpteen mean
| K.T.S chapter 4 . 11/16/2014
School? I hate school it sucks, dicks...