Reviews for Invincible ! Dont own Moonlight
mckeown chapter 1 . 11/18/2009
You need to use quotation marks, and your question marks are in the wrong places.
blazeing sky chapter 1 . 5/20/2009
Ok the story is really good. how ever it's hard readying when there are no qutation marks, and people are talking in the same paragraph. when ever some one else is speaking you should start a new line...


"i couldn't really rember what had happened all those years ago. i mean, yeah it sucked." she studdied the man a few seconds and cut him off before he could reply. "please, just hear me out and don't say anything"

"fine, but you better not lie to me this time. i'm not sure i can stand any more secrets, any more lies."


"blah blah" said philip

"blah blah" said alexis

you should go edit that...
AnagramRCA chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
I'm not big on grammar but you really need to rework this. And if you put quotstions around the speeches then it would be easier to read as well as spacing the speeches out. Not mean to be a flame, just a helpful hand. :)

PersonifyThis chapter 1 . 5/10/2008
When I first saw this I was really pumped to read this story. I thought it was an interesting idea... but I wasn't able to get passed the first couple of paragraphs. You really need to rework the grammar. Its really bad... from what I read the story has promise... I just think alot of people are going to be put off by the grammatical stuff... you know?

If you wanted I could look at it for you... I'm not a grammar freak but I could help. I think it would make it easier to read! So let me know and I'll hop to!
Lauren81492 chapter 1 . 5/10/2008
I think this story could be really good, but to make it easier to read I strongly suggest putting quotation marks around the dialogue.