|Reviews for Must|
| CU Administration chapter 1 . 3/9/2010
I have to say that this story could use a bit of work.
Thoughts should be put in italics, in quotations, or both.
When you said patrol squad, are you talking about ANBU Black ops? If so then you should put more information on when Sakura became part of it. Even if it's not, you should still add more information on the mission details and things of that nature.
There is no characterization for Sakura meaning there is no description of her until the end and it's vague details. We don't know how old she is or what time period this is. There is no description of Sasuke either. Throughout this fic, you can't picture what's going on at all.
The whole "Scrch" this is a no no. Just put it into the storyline saying something like "Sakura heard a screeching nose and stopped dead in her tracks..." and continue with the sentence.
The massive paragraph thing makes the fic hard to read in those places. Try making them smaller so it can be easier on the readers eyes and also it looks better that way.
Sasuke is ooc. He would never say something like "Who's messing with my head". The whole thing with him thinking it was Karin is way off also. He didn't even like Karin and only spoke to her when necessary. Sasuke is not the type to joke around or play with people. If anything, Sasuke would have known it was Sakura from the beginning.
When someone new speaks, you should do a line break. This first massive paragraph is really hard to read because of both of them speaking in the same paragraph and also because of it's length.
Did you spell check this? There are multiple spelling errors along with grammar errors as well.
Sasuke never forgot what Sakura looked like. I don't get the whole "Who the fuck are you" thing especially since Sasuke doesn't talk like that. There is no way he could forget Sakura even if she did look different, after all she is the only pink haired person he knew.
The whole stringing kunai together seems like you were trying to use the same thing that Lady Chiyo and Sasori used. It doesn't work first off because Sakura is not a puppet master like they are, but also because Sakura mainly relies on her immense strength to fight although she does use her kunai too.
He legs were crossed at the bottom, and she stood straight with her hair down and with her arms drawn out in front of her.
What in the world is this sentence supposed to mean? The sentence structure throughout this fic could use a little work also.
Hold on, if the chakra strings were connected to the kunai which landed in the tree, how is she still pulling on them and now they don't have the kunai on them? That doesn't make much sense. Also, Sakura does not have the ability to drain chakra so using that isn't following her abilities.
Woah woah woah. Sasuke is not emotional like this. He is EXTREMELY OOC. He would not be begging to know why Sakura is hurting him. Well first off Sakura wouldn't even be speaking to him like that as if she didn't care because she does. Sakura never wanted to punish Sasuke, if anything she just wanted to bring him home and forget all the things he ever did.
So now Sasuke is proclaiming his feelings to Sakura...that would never happen, especially like this. He never liked Sakura at all. fanfic authors are able to bring them into situations where he does have feelings for her, but they don't just slap them on him like that. When did he lay down so Sakura could step on his stomach? Sasuke never cried out like that when he was in pain also so the whole "ahh!" thing doesn't really work. He did grunt and things of that nature, breathing heavier and such when he got hurt, but out right screaming like a little bitch never happened.
Motha flipper? No dear. If you want to use strong words, use it in it's entirety or don't use it at all. Say mother fucker or just use something else because it seems like you didn't want to curse. Spelling "mother" wrong didn't help any either.
Why is Sakura torturing Sasuke? That is way out of character for her.
What's with the situation of the guys trying to get at Sakura? They should have been able to tell from her Konoha Hitai-ate(if you don't know what that is, you really don't know enough about the series) that she was a ninja and not one to be messed with. Not only that, but it just seems like a random part that was just thrown into the story. It doesn't flow with the rest of it.
Since when did Sasuke go to the hospital? On top of that, why is he acting so calm with Sakura after what she did? Why would he be in the hospital of all things, unguarded and unrestrained? He could just up and leave if he wanted to which he most likely would. This story isn't making much sense. There is not background information. Things just change without telling the readers how it happened. This is the next day so they definitely hadn't spoken since then. On top of that she left him in the woods.
I don't understand how Sakura goes from hating Sasuke and torturing him to caring about his well being overnight. That isn't realistic. So now they kiss. Okay, it doesn't work that way. Someone tortures you, you're not going to act all goody two shoes with them the next day and kiss them.
Sasuke is crying because of this? Definitely NOT hun. It seems like you aren't really familar with Sasuke's behavioral traits. This seems to just be something that you wish would happen between Sakura and Sasuke. True that is how most fics start, but you didn't portray it to where it made sense. Sakura goes from hating Sasuke to kissing him the next. Sasuke's all hyper actively emotional, which isn't his character at all. Sakura's all bent on revenge at the beginning which isn't her at all.
Overall this story could use a bit a work and I hope you don't take my advance the wrong way.
| SecretFanGirl.ox chapter 1 . 7/7/2009
...SASUKE CRIED! O_O
OPOCOLPS IS COMING! O_O
| IceFemme chapter 1 . 12/31/2008
lol I really like this story, and all the others,, but can you make them a little longer? Because they sorta get really good, but then its the end. PLEASE? " I'm sorry, I just really adore your writing! And I review them all
| Ai Ga Hoshii Dake chapter 1 . 11/28/2008
First of all, there's a key called the ENTER KEY. Try it sometime.
This page nearly killed my eyes.
Second of all, everyone was way to OOC. The fact you just went and made Sakura all-powerful and Sasuke just totally oblivious and weak made me cringe. I'd comment on the last paragraph, but it stings my eyes so much I can't even read it.
| ManicBlueRose chapter 1 . 7/29/2008
You need to shorten the paragraphs, I can't read it.
| Lil'Conqueror chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
at least sasuke got what he deserved!
anywayz CuTe story~
| Tomoyo Daidouji-Hiiragizawa chapter 1 . 5/12/2008
Do something with the arrangement of paragraphs. It's kinda making me dizzy. I was able to read through your work because of that... SOrry. I can't rate the plot of this story.
| KoolBrunette06 chapter 1 . 5/11/2008
aw is there a sequel at works?
| ApplelovesApples chapter 1 . 5/11/2008