Reviews for A Few Angry Words
GoingGhost chapter 11 . 5/24/2008
What a development this is? WOW.

This will sure mix up the finals now.
Let It ALL Out chapter 11 . 5/24/2008
Great Story.
bomber68 chapter 11 . 5/24/2008
good chapter i look forword to more
RasenganFin chapter 11 . 5/24/2008
Like I said Akatsuki will have troubles too.
Juoppo chapter 11 . 5/24/2008
New chapter, yay. Why not just tell the kazekage that Gaara attacked Gai as well and that he had to defend himself and killed Gaara during the fight? Doesn't make much sense to me to tell the truth to him. It's perfectly normal to lie through your teeth to avert such things like repercussions. Oh yeah, his name is Maito Gai (yeah, pun for Mighty Guy).

“What if you sacrifice him and it doesn’t? Or what if you do and war still comes?”

Don't those two sentences mean exactly the same thing?

Damnit I have a knack of making my review look negative when I like the chapter in general, oh well hope you take my word on it.

Keep up the good work!
stormseaker chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
O O

O

you killed lee and garra! Cool! Well original at least. the storys rolling along well and the romance is actualy belevable so good job and more please!
exarnecross chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
Damn... I mean damn. Your right with just 5 mins everything had changed. Im as always you have a great twist and I cant wait for the next chapter.
007 chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
While it happens often in fanfics that Shikamaru's shadow possession affects him too, that's not actually the case.

Otherwise, a awesome new chapter. :)
Light as Air chapter 1 . 5/24/2008
WHOA, WHOA! AWESOME. I liked the end. I LOVED the end. I like where she fainted at the end.

Good story and concept.

Some writting tips though, you don't have to follow them.

Perhaps be a bit more desciptive on Hinata's or a characters thoughts and emotions. For example Hinata felt as angry as someone on PMS. Or Hinata felt like ramming her fist into Neji's jaw and sending him into the next universe. Nothing clique... or you can use something else to descibe her emotions. It just gives me an idea what she's feeling and the strength of her emotions if you describe it. Like for example what or how the feeling is so strong.

Also desribe the area a little, although I already knew where they were there... but if you desribe the area a little I can have a easier picture in my mind on where the characters are.

This is awesome! GREAT WORK!
Ibozun chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
Well I have to say : you know how to change the flow of a story!

Truly unexpected. I love this story and now I'm left wondering where you'll take this. Excellent work
logan chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
I don't really review unless I feel there is something truly worth saying, be it a pitfall or some serious praise. this chapter just earned a review.

so very many stories follow the chunin arc and they seem to forget that they are the author and that they have complete dominion over what happens. they all follow the plot and pretty much just transcribe the anime. this story is a breath of fresh air. you've followed the arc, but shifted it in totally different directions.

hinata using the cursed seal, Garaa killing lee... then killing Garaa (I will whack you with a rolled up news paper if he isn't, it is too perfect a twist) you've totally put a new spin on the arc.

by having hinata use the seal she made a lifelong enemy of Neji. there's nothing she could have done that would have instilled more hatred then using that to dethrone him. I suspect he's going to play the villain in this story as he's going to want her dead (not figurativly either) in a bad way. once you cut past all the predestination crap with him, he had a serious ego and to be metaphysically bitchslapped like that... hehehe... greatness. I have no clue where that's going and that is such mana from heaven for me as so little originality exists in fanfiction.

Gara's death would logically throw a new direction to the invasion as he was their ace in the hole. naruto and company would be present for the fight and It would be conceivable that the entire invasion would be called off since they were counting on the 1 tail to kick the hell out of konoha first(even though he didn't really in the cannon, it was a big factor in sound & sand's plan.)without that edge it would certainly soften sand's spine and could ultimately change the outcome of the 3rd's fight. (i've always wondered what would happen if that had gone differently)

also kinda interesting because the sand siblings would not neccissarily be out to avenge Garaa since this happened before they started to see him as a brother. If anything they might be greatful to konoha for ridding them of the psycotic little guy who was always a hair's bredth away from killing them.

You've made some good and interesting points about kakashi and the closet pervert's roles in the story (and it is nice that naruto might not have that long learn the rasengan time with jiraiya and develop some original jutsu)

the only big warning flag I can give you is with Hinata. she's written well for the most part, but some of her reactions require a healthy dose of the suspencion of dissbeliefe. I know she's head over heals for naruto, but her using the seal in anything short of neji about to put a kunai in naruto felt unlike her. artistic liscence kinda saves that one as it is so instrumental to this plot.

This chapter had an irksome hinata moment when all she could do is scream upon seeing Lee. granted hinata is the most likely to do so given her temperament, she is however, also a shinobi. I could understand it for a bit, but don't get us seeing her as a capable ninja via her training sessions with Hiashi and then have her go shrieking ninny a few scenes later without even pulling up a stance. I mean it seemed like she just screamed and was held the whole scene. Hinata, and especially YOUR hinata isn't being cast in that light so you need to keep that in mind when you write these scenes: how do you want us to perceive Hinata?

I actually have a suggestion for this story as I think you've got the ability to pull it off where a whole lot of the competition don't. it's in regards to the romance where (no offense at all!) you're a little generic. their dating is kinda cutsey which is fine since they're both really new to it (I loved the lonely children part for the record) however, it seems like everyone writes naruto romance like highschool romance. fact of the matter is that naruto and hinata are both ninja and that's an aspect that is seldom touched on in fanfiction.

an example of what I mean is that for two ninja who are making that awkward "am I going to kiss you before I drop you off tonight?" dialogue they would talk about ninja things. for instance:

the silence was wearing heavier and heavier as naruto shuffled alongside hinata. he knew he needed to say something... anything.

"so.. did you see that new tool shop that opened in the south district? I hear they've got really good deals on Kunai and Shuriken..." gawking at his overwhelming lameness, naruto stopped talking, content to feel like a complete idiot in silence.

forgive the crappily scribbled cheese of that little example, but I mean when you think about it they would talk about that kind of thing and a date might involve doing that whole, ninja dash/jumping from roof to roof almost like a game of tag (every guy be he ninja or not is all about the chasing and catching the girl thing) my advice is to pepper those little bits into the story where you can, especially during the romance parts as it keeps the reader immersed in the world more then naruto giving her a bouquet of flowers would... heh I just got the image of naruto giving her a bouquet of caltrops _ heheh ninja love

...wow this is getting long so I am going to cut it off here. In summation I am impressed with where this story is going and really look forward to the next installments.

-Logan
JKGoblin chapter 10 . 5/24/2008
Great chapter. Although I like Lee it's good to see such originality in fics. I can't wait for the rest of the fic with the plot blown wide open. Amazing job and keep up the good work.
Paucius chapter 10 . 5/23/2008
You killed Lee, You Killed Gaara, why, sniff sniff, WHY ¡,and broke shikamarus jaw, leave sasuke with out oponent no seriuosly why ?, Good story, keep writting
t-fly chapter 10 . 5/23/2008
I am very depressed, but the events that took place were realistic, and Gai kicking ass was awesome. I can honestly say that you have shown that the smallest actions have the largest impacts.

This means the finals are Hinata-Naruto, Sasuke-Temari, Kankuro-Shino, and Shikamaru-Dosu(?) At least this is what I presume. I cannot remember when Gaara killed Dosu, but it would be an interesting twist if Dosu was still alive in this fic, and I would love to see how you would write him. Do not know what he would add to the plot, but it could be interesting.

Gai might want to find a safe house or relative who he could stay with and lay low for a while, because he's probably wanted for murder. The Kazekage/Orochimaru is not a reasonable fellow, and may demand Gai's head just out of spite.

Continue the good work.
PaulRap Raptor chapter 10 . 5/23/2008
Keep up the good work. You killed Gaara... again.
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