|Reviews for Election Week|
| Bulbreon chapter 31 . 5/6
Well so much for epilogues...it's been like 6 years...LOL. No matter, although epilogues would be nice this story was REALLY good and I loved it. Even though i'm an Advanceshipper I would have still loved it if Kelly won out because, well, this story has really opened my eyes to some things. So yeah, thanks for that. (Still confused on how May can lose her virginity to Dawn though...)
| Bulbreon chapter 27 . 5/6
May has to be the biggest fucking hypocrite ever. She's getting all pissed at Drew for saying it when she told Ash, what? Like a day ago? Plus it was Kelly's being a bitch that got him mad, she couldn't handle that she was the one that kissed him and she was getting salty for no reason. Drew was right, she's a bitch.
| Bulbreon chapter 20 . 5/6
He was talking about Manaphy! GOD DAMN HOLY BALLS
| Bulbreon chapter 4 . 5/2
I'm sort of confused onto how you can lose your virginity when you're in a lesbian relationship...
| MostAdvanced chapter 31 . 7/11/2014
This is a beautifully crafted story that is all that needs to be said
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/16/2013
I do not like the idea of May being bisexual,it's just not her.
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/12/2012
Sooo... All of the girls in this story are lesbos? Ok.
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/12/2012
May and dawn... dating? I hope you know that dawn is a girl.
| readeradv chapter 31 . 10/9/2010
Wow. Great ending.
I would like to point out a few more things wrong with your style: Readers are not goldfish. Our memories last longer than three seconds, so you don't have to repeat yourself all the time.
Additionally, there is a lot of clutter in your writing that isn't necessary. It's padding, just like the bullshit many of us use to make essays long enough to get a passing grade.
Rule of thumb: Don't introduce details that aren't truly important to the story. Once readers get used to that, then maybe put something in there that seems like it might be important due to the focus, but turns out to be a red herring.
(Yes, I've been on tvtropes a *lot* lately. Sue me.)
Interesting note: Most fanfic falls into two categories: Too much detail, or not enough. The best authors who get published find a happy medium.
Error: "Misty leaves and shares a taxi with Brock to take them to their homes in Cerulean and Petalburg "
Last I checked, Brock lived in Pewter, not Petalburg, unless I missed something in this story (which is very much possible).
Also, when at the beginning of the Regal scene, you included the phrase "here, here". It should be "hear, hear", as it is a shortening of the phrase "hear him, hear him" (at least according to Wikipedia).
Antipenultimate note: I would like to groan about the joke in "Ash Ketchum, I choose you!" I honestly should have seen it coming.
Penultimate note: I realized another appropriate comparison between Ash and Obama besides the 'change' note I commented on two years ago: The experience issue. Obama was derided for his lack of experience, and it's pointed out a few times that Ash has never been in a relationship before.
Final note: You promised epilogues over a year ago. Some of us would like to read them.
Keep up the good work.
| readeradv chapter 25 . 10/9/2010
Wow, it has been a long time since I've read this.
I did notice one error:
"For Ash, the conversation had to do with her mother serving as a surrogate to most kids in the area while he is always out traveling and going through the different regions training."
The "her mother" seems to be referring to Ash's mother. As much as I find the notion of Ash being referred to as female amusing, I doubt it is correct within the context of the story.
Coming back to this after such a long break makes a few problems with your style a bit more jarring. There is an old rule in literature: "Show, don't tell." This goes hand in hand with the adage "Actions speak louder than words." You seem to use more telling than showing. For example, the bit about Sparky's tuft of hair was particularly annoying, as anyone who remembers Richie and Sparky will most likely remember it. Spelling it out makes it seem like the author views the readers as simpletons.
| ArmoredDragonite chapter 1 . 9/13/2010
cool story :D
| ShadowKing1988 chapter 31 . 8/22/2009
"...there are a few more plot holes left to fill..."
I don't know, Rave. Personally, I think the ending to this story was EXCELLENT, and left me feeling very satisfied (and not just cause Ash won in the end). However, I do sort of understand what you mean by having a few more plot holes to fill (the two pregnancies presented in the context of the story, Ash and May's new couplehood, etc).
Well, I'll definitely be one of the people reading whatever epilogue(s) you come up with. Otherwise, I wish to thank you for an enjoyable reading experience, and best of luck with all future endeavors!
| LuciferIX chapter 31 . 8/21/2009
And the ending has finally come, but to be quite honest I'm actually not surprised by the outcome. And it wasn't just due to my preference of shippings but more from my experience after reading and reviewing countless stories. One smaller flag was Kelly's reaction to Drew and her somewhat violent nature but the biggest mark was with how the story outside of the dates was put together, primarily with Kelly and Ash's interactions with the other characters. You put quite a bit of focus on Kelly and Katie while Ash was only really with May and there was no one else that could have been there and if May had chosen Kelly it would have left a much larger hole then the way it turned out.
One thing that I have to say that I liked about the way that you did this chapter would be the way that you had May make her selection. It wasn't just the simple "I choose you" type of thing but instead she explained the different qualities of each, both good and bad, and it was inferred quite easily before she officially said it. Not to mention adding in the simple "I choose you" into Ash's Pokemon reference was also a nice touch.
I would like to write more but seeing as how there are still four "unofficial" chapters left there is still plenty to go so this is hardly a wrap up type of review. Still you did an excellent job with everything and I'm greatly looking forward to seeing the epilogues. Keep 'em coming!
| ShadowKing1988 chapter 30 . 8/17/2009
Awesome chapter! Very heated fight scene, but I'm glad it was defused in the way it was. All that's left now is to see how the rest of this plays out.
As always, I'll be waiting for that next chapter! I can't believe it's almost over with!
| LuciferIX chapter 30 . 8/17/2009
Well this was a needed chapter that's for sure, and it's quite indicative of whats going to be coming up in the next chapter. Everything is starting to wind down and close all of the holes that were present between many people. Although sadly in one case a larger hole was opened up instead of closing it but then again when that ones was opened there was one that was solved in its place.
You gave Kelly a very nice speech there and she made a very good point. Dawn was consistently complaining that if she would have stayed with May that she would have lost what was left of her family and that may had no idea how she felt. Kelly on the other hand had already gone one step further and had lost her family by that point, more than what Dawn could claim. And there was one thing that I couldn't help but think as Dawn was ranting, she kept on saying that she gained virtually nothing if she would have stayed with May. Just goes to actually show how much she cared for her if staying with the one that you love means virtually nothing.
One error that I saw in there is time was during Zoey's talk with Kenny about how Dawn views him. She mentioned how he would feel being Dawn's girlfriend. Other than that I don't think that I saw anything major enough to mention.
Well the fabled last chapter is coming up and the decision will be the part that everyone is looking forward to. Of course with Dawn's secret out in the open as well she will probably have a major focus in either the next chapter or in the epilogue. I may not have done that good of a job finishing up Dawn's role in my last story but I doubt that you would leave everyone hanging after a situation like that. Can't wait for the last one, keep 'em coming!