Awesome Story! Is Alan going to hide his wrist then? or is it someting else?

nice chapter to begin with...post more soon! x

Hey.

This has great potential, but take it easy.

Comments like "sorry got off alan's pov for a sec" indicate laziness and it could have been easily fixed. eg "as he came downstairs, alan heard tintin and fermat giggling. Probably catching up on things, Alan mused." etc.

Take time to think of ways to describe a scene through alan's pov if thats the direction you want to take.

I will be keeping an eye open for your next update. This looks really promising!

Boann

great stuff! this is a fab beginning and i can't wait to read more

I LOVE THIS STORY ALREADY! PLEASE KEEP ON GOING! I JUST REQUEST LONGER CHAPTERS...LOL, JUST A SUGGESTION.

i really like this! the title is mysterious and makes you want to read it! i waould sujest some more description on how the characters have changed since spring break. you know hair, height ect. but i look forward to the next chapter!

good start, keep this up.

It's a good start, and idea, but there were a couple of things that were niggling at me.

First there were a couple of spelling mistakes I noticed, such as I'm fairly sure 'klanox' should be 'klaxon'. Try checking over everything a couple of times to pick stuff like this up.

Also, when you went into 'Alan's POV' you didn't stay there. Half the time you used 'I' which would be Alan's point of view, and half the time you used 'Alan' which is third person. Although you stayed with the same character it was jolting to be switching all the time.

This is a good start. Don't give up!

well done cool begining

oh al has done it again but dawn that's going to hurt!

Up-date ASAP!

had to was a great start i hope you continue with the story!Looking forward to chapter 2!

Opps, sounds like that's going to be painful. Looking forward to more! :)

Lauren