|Reviews for Symbolism|
| Breval chapter 18 . 2/18
I really loved this because it is well thought out and sweet 3
but I do have a small criticism to make : the white at both weddings it feels wrong, in asian countries the colour white is a symbol of mourning and in ATLA too , you can see it at the burning ceremony for firelord Azulon , Ozai , Azula and Zuko are all dressed in white ... so yeah small thing but yeah ...*shrug* I'm a nitpicker I'm sorry .
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 1/26
South Pole; they
[Semicolons are best used sparingly even in technical writing. As they separate whole clauses, it’s better to use periods to emphasize independent strength or commas to emphasize the link of the two ideas]
Zuko had returned
Aang had started
She had wanted
[“had/was/were verb” is a passive construction best avoided, here it’s also repetitious structure that would be okay in a simpler active phrasing. This is a construction you (over)use a LOT, so I won’t point it out every time, but it’s possibly the chief thing holding back your story]
reluctantly, dragging her feet
[Unless you’re trying to portray him as a dunce on the level of Captain Qwark, I think this should say calm]
did, slowly, warily
[Telling. This is another reason I recommend using adverbs sparingly. “She sat down, teeth grinding and the earthenware plates jerking on the table” is a much more powerful statement]
what the reason
[for what reason]
He demanded that his rule was followed
[Telling. Show us what happens instead, his imperious tone and settling demeanor]
choice was that.
[question missing its mark]
sees were right
carriage that was taking
[passive. You could drop ‘that was’ and lose no meaning in the sentence]
to whom the two were heroes
[I’m pretty sure the water tribes would view him with ambivalence and the earth kingdom wouldn’t care as he didn’t act in their best interests (he did in the world’s, but that’s harder to see)]
Air Nomads, and they did not forgive easily
[While I follow the theory that completely exterminating the air nomads would be impossible, I think Aang would move on (knowing Zuko) and the others would remain in quiet obscurity]
as Fire Lord Iroh
[Iroh outright denied any intention to come near the throne, correctly citing the fears of an outsider installing himself (no matter his original birthright). However, he might serve as regent if Zuko was completely unable to manage the duties (which is possible for a nation in transition), though I think that making and using ‘local’ ministers would be more plausible and better for developing the world and Zuko’s character interactions with others]
present; no one
their people hunted down, suppressed and imprisoned
[And if anybody’s going to do it, it’ll be the earth kingdom, damnit!]
This was truly an interesting offer
[Telling. You’re taking us away from the viewpoint perspective to give us the information you want us to have instead of laying out the information and letting us come to the conclusion. Show us the pondering, the tension and hem-hawing]
forgive me, good-looking
[Irrelevant. They’re in a context of politics, and while this might be thrown out as an extra factor, the first couple would be supports of the political goal]
wedding were taking months
Se that hated
Her fourteenth birthday
[I seem to recall her being older than that in the series, or at least that old, and your implication was more than a few months passing since the end of the series, so that would have her approaching fifteen]
Its going to
as if she had really become the doll
[Head-jumping: you started this scene focalized from Toph, but now you’re jumping into her mother’s head. Keep things from one person or you bounce around Telling us instead of showing us]
In truth her mother felt guilty
[Author Intrusive Telling. You might not have visual details, but Toph has plenty of ways to pick up concrete, describable ways of showing emotion and probable intention]
the tea room…beautiful tea set
"It's not Toph," Zuko interrupted
[You lack descriptive details that I think would be extremely important. Is he pleasantly surprised? Disgusted and appalled? Those would have entirely different sets of reactions, tones, body postures. All of those would do a lot to cue us into the scene you want us to see]
probably what's they're
Political alliances through marriage are probably older than writing, and setting up long-term relationships (compelled or not) are emotionally charged. However, you rely a lot on summary Telling instead of descriptive Showing, leaving me feeling like I’m reading the story summary on an index page instead of reading story text itself. Events happen, but we don’t have the tone of voice to show the sardonism, or the grit of teeth to show anger or any other of those small, descriptive cues that make a scene come alive.
| MakerOfMayhem004 chapter 18 . 8/25/2016
this is really sweet! I need more stories with this pairing. great job!
| Yuyui Hime chapter 13 . 4/5/2015
Aaaaaaand you just had to make that cliche hug scene which is so cute! *squeal*
| Yuyui Hime chapter 11 . 4/5/2015
Is it me, or is 'Princess Toph' sounds like the most awesome thing that ever exist? (_)/
| Elizander chapter 5 . 2/28/2015
Thouhg I still believe themost, if not every single scene could be longer, the quick pacing keeps things interesting.
I was expecting Toph not to crush her parents. I don't know why, I just knew she wouldn't do it.
| Elizander chapter 4 . 2/28/2015
That was surprisingly easy. I honestly tought some terrotirs may try to ruint he wedding or something XD
| Elizander chapter 2 . 2/28/2015
I feel like this meeting should be far longer and more elaborate... But is still good anyway. It's how both chapters are just one big scene from each protagonsit.
| Elizander chapter 1 . 2/28/2015
We always knew Toph's parents were kind of assholes, but DAMMM!
| ochreish chapter 1 . 12/22/2014
I love this story a lot, but I'm sorry to say that I burst out laughing at "clam yourself". I'm sure it was a mistake, but still. Hilarious.
| Ruby of Raven chapter 18 . 11/15/2014
Amazing! XD This was so cute and fluffy. I wish there was more. You really nailed their characters in this. Great job!
| AraelDranoth chapter 6 . 8/26/2014
Awww... I really wanted Toph to exact some form of vengeance against her parents!
Oh well... can't have everything we want I guess!
| nowen chapter 2 . 6/24/2014
You did great. And this is awesome!
| xXCourageousXx chapter 2 . 11/22/2013
I really like how you are setting the story up, perfecto :)
| Otakugirl 13 chapter 18 . 10/16/2013
This is beautiful! :') Now, I'm having the sniffles of joy xD